… then welcome to my world. This probably sounds so cliché. Oh a chick that doesn’t enjoy football, REAL innovative, right? But for real, I’ve never liked football … ever. I’ve never even pretended to like football, and whom ever I marry should recognize that I will never be a wife that will throw on his favorite team colors and cheer like an idiot, aiight. I am a girl from Philly though, and when you come from such a vibrant and loud city like Philly, you need to represent whenever you can. So even though I despise the Eagles with a fiery passion … I love me some Philly … and my people would literally shank me if I rocked Patriots and/or Giants colors (even though aren’t they quite similar)? So as a fan of “Philly” I’ve been conditioned to hate the Patriots and the Giants along with everything they stand for … even though I deep down don’t give a shit.
So if you are like me and don’t really care about this massive sporting event that is occurring today, but EVERYONE around is like either super pumped to see the Patriots and the Giants kill each other and or are bitter that their team isn’t in the Super Bowl and just want to drink and eat their way through it … there are SOME things to look forward to … like …
1. Drinking: Don’t feel like you need to drink shitty light beer today because everyone around you is. Google some fun drink recipe and give it a whirl. Who cares if it is super girly and might be more appropriate to drink whilst watching a Sex and the City marathon. Whatever is fun, tasty and gives you a fabulous buzz to get through this stupid game.
2. Two Words: Tom. Brady.: I’ve never found football players sexy, but good. lord. I mean if I HAVE to watch a silly football game I mine as well have some fierce eye candy to look at, right? Okay I retract my statement, if he ever decides to leave Gisele for me, I would totally rock Patriots colors.
3. Another Two Words: Gisele. Bundchen: I’m completely straight, but who doesn’t find Gisele to be ultra hot? I definitely have a fascination with models, so if I have to watch this silly football game, I mine as well have some fierce eye candy to look at, right? I wonder if SHE’LL be wearing Patriots colors … hmm.
4. Commercials: Okay, maybe I’m a bit of an advertising nerd, but I love a good commercial … like a GOOD one that makes me giggle. I don’t care for the Budweiser Clydesdales, but I did used to die for a good Pepsi commercial. Remember when they were so amazing with like Britney Spears dance breaks and Cindy Crawford sexing it up? Fingers crossed something like THAT will go down …
5. Endless Noshing: True, it is no longer “fat until February,” it is “fit in February.” But all that dancing I did last night counts for some sort of cardio, right? I’m going to try to stay healthy … but if some sort of unhealthy deliciousness ends up in my grasp, then so be it. Everything in proper portions … a couple of chips, not a whole bag.
6. Anna Wintour Interview On 60 Minutes: Tom Brady to football as Anna Wintour is to fashion … kinda. Actually not at all. Nothing compares to Anna. Prepare to be shamed fashionable ladies. If you are in the fashion industry, or live and die for fashion, or write about fashion, or dream about fashion, or just want to kiss the ground Anna Wintour walks on … then you should be turning off the silly Super Bowl and switching to 60 Minutes to watch her interview. And if you don’t and would rather watch the Patriots and Giants kill one another, then seriously … Anna will know and will cast you to the land of fashionless misfits … or something. I bet it exists. But seriously, priorities are priorities. 8 p.m. … be there.
7. Jason Wu For Target: Ha don’t kid yourself. I’m writing this at 1:30 p.m. and that shizzle has definitely been sold out for hours. But I’m sure you can entertain yourself by trying to score some pieces on eBay … or at least laughing at insane in the membrane asking prices for a piece of Jason Wu for … TARGET. I always get a good laugh.
8. Pin Away, Ladies: I think this is why Pinterest was invented. If you are being forced to watch the game and are lucky enough to have a membership to Pinterest … then you are golden. If you don’t have a membership, beg someone to send you an invite (email me, and I’ll be happy to send you one!) So you can pretend you are watching, but in reality you are creating walls of magical pins. Just throw a, “oh man … good hit.” “YEAH!” every now and then, and boom … you are “involved.”
9. Organize Your Closet: Okay, I know I probably sound like a freak but I’m going to organize the crap out of my closet. Like I’m literally looking forward to steaming all of my clothes so they are nice and crisp for the week ahead. I don’t treat my clothes as nicely as they deserve to be. So while the world is glued to a bunch of nonsense, I’m going to give some large amounts of TLC to all of my babies on hangers.
10. I Saved The Best For Last!: COME ON, VOGUE … LET YOUR BODY MOVE TO THE MUSIC. HEY HEY HEY! AHHHHHHHH … MADONNA HALFTIME SHOW! I’m like the largest Madonna fan in the whole world. Yes, her new song with Nicki Minaj and MIA kind of makes my ears bleed, but everything before that is musical genius. I rock out to her, I do yoga to her … I live and breathe for her. So I will stop pinning, stop Facebooking, tweeting, blogging, Tumbling, steaming my clothes, eating, drinking, napping, yelling at people I’m with to shut the f$%^ up about a game they don’t care about because they are Eagles fans … to watch the queen. So. Excited. Although if she comes on when Anna does … Anna always wins … sorry Madge (see my loyalty, Anna )