More Turkey, Less Shopping

thanksgiving-ann-sheridan-thecarveI’ve never understood the people who looked forward to the Black Friday madness. My first job was at Burlington Coat Factory when I was 16, and I remember having to work in the “coat department” on Black Friday, and quitting the next day.

Over the years, Black Friday has been taking steroids, my friends, to the point where it is now allowing stores to be opened ON Thanksgiving. I get the family traditions of eating dinner then taking a little cat nap, then heading out for the best deals at midnight … kind of. It’s cute, it’s tradition. Whatever. My family was too busy being in food comas and figuring out if one more piece of pie would push us over the edge to give a shit about awesome deals.

But what I don’t think people understand is that it takes human beings to open slash run these stores on Thanksgiving. People that have to deal with your crazy ass stampedes and tantrums and disgusting fights to get the best flat screen deal in the whole entire universe (which ps, it probably isn’t … shhh). People that either don’t get to spend Thanksgiving with their families, or have to leave mid-chocolate cream pie bite (my go-to Thanksgiving dessert) to head out to work. And you know what, that straight up sucks. To ask these people to for-go eating turkey for fear of a tryptophan coma that could inhibit their work is just cruel.

I’m starting a blog slow clap for Massachusetts, Maine and Rhode Island for establishing laws that tell retailers they absolutely cannot open on Thanksgiving and to shut their greedy mouths. Why can’t we be more like these states, other states, huh? And let’s include Nordstrom in this slow clap, because they, too are closed on Thanksgiving, AND not only that, but they premiere their store holiday decorations ON Black Friday. Not like in the death rattle of Halloween like some stores. I personally only consider it “the holidays” after I’ve digested my turkey and it is officially 12am on Black Friday. So to wake up to a beautifully decorated store on Black Friday, which Nordstrom knocks out of the park every year, I gotta say is a breath of fresh air.

Do you know there are ACTUAL malls fining stores for not opening on Thanksgiving. It’s called “Walden Galleria” in upstate New York, and I imagine it to look like this:

haunted-house

Talk about Thanksgiving-branded Scrooge. Macy’s, an American establishment, a way of life for fashion, is one of these horrid stores opening on Thanksgiving, which thoroughly shocked me. There’s no “magic of giving” in that way of life, Macy’s. Just sayin’.

I get it, a good sale is a good sale. I am the first one to throw up an amazing deal I scored all over social media. But I refuse to stand behind any retailer opening on Thanksgiving, refuse, and I hope you stand with me on this. Guess what kids, it ain’t like the old days where retailers save their mind blowing, Oprah-favorite-things audience member mind-blowing sales for just Black Friday. There’s a thing called Cyber Monday, and, oh yeah, genius discount sites that have amazing deals all-day, err-day. And, oh yeah, retailers are SO desperate for your money that they have awesome sales ALL throughout the holiday. So chill the fuck out.

Listen, Thanksgiving is about eating way too much, drinking copious amounts of wine, being with your loved ones, and being thankful for the life you lead, no matter what kind of life that is. Not to go ape shit over $5 t-shirts at Old Navy. I mean come on, it’s gross. You HAVE to admit. So slow your roll, eat ya turkey, and the deals will be there bright and early on Black Friday morning with all of the other crazy bastards out shopping.

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