Truth: The Contents Of My Purse

A lady’s purse is sacred, private … and in some cases, like yours truly … the cave of wonders. Do you ever look inside your bag in horror and wonder, “holy hell, am I a soon-to-be hoarder, or do all females carry this much useless crap with them?” I mean sometimes I feel like a disorganized disaster and shame myself for it, yet continue on with my same chaotic purse behavior (CPB for short).

So I thought it would be interesting to empty out my Marc By Marc, red leather bowling bag and go through the contents. This may bore some of you, this might make some of you with CPB like myself feel better, and honestly I hope this makes people, especially men, not so scared of a woman’s purse. What do they think, if they touch it some weird dust will get on them that will make them lose their masculinity? Regardless … here it is folks, straight up what is currently in my everyday handbag:

-My Tory Burch reading glasses that I never wear (hope my eye doc isn’t reading this).

-My fabulous $5 Forever 21 wallet I got years ago that held strong until recently … I refuse to part with it though.

-Six stray dollar bills … time to make it rain, let me tell you …

-A receipt from a gas station that I refuse to look because what is the point.

-A piece of Victory’s Golden Monkey beer bottle wrapper about a mystical golden monkey that I enjoyed so much at the bar, that I just HAD to keep it.

-A rape whistle my brother got me from REI. Pepper spray freaks me out because I am so certain I would be the one to spray myself in the face instead of my said attacker, so I settled for a whistle.

-A pad of paper for random deep thoughts or if I have to instantaneously take notes someplace important (which never happens).

-My Droid, which happens to look like it is straight from 1985. Sprint … GET THE iPHONE! A huge reason why I would keep my purse neat if I had one.

-Chap stick, Chap Stick brand of course, even in the summer it is necessary.

-Nivea soft lips Chap Stick, for you know, when I want my lips extra EXTRA soft.

-A receipt from a bar … typical and usually another receipt I don’t like to look at.

-My fabulous change purse that my niece and nephew got me for Christmas, which I think is from the Netherlands? I could be wrong, but it is really beautiful and different … and keeps me from chucking my change to the bottom of my purse.

-A crystal piece from one of my chandlier-esque necklaces that happened to fall off. Note to self: Need to Macgyver that back on somehow …

-One blue pen (If you are a writer, you should ALWAYS be armed with a pen). And all I do is write in red pen all day at work, so it is like a BIG DEAL when I get to write in another color (sarcasm).

-Orbit gum, the Wintermint flavor of course, which happens to be the only kind I fancy.

-Claritin-D pills, because without them I’m a hot puffy and stuffy mess in the morn’.

-One hair tie, just in case. Even though I never wear my hair up, I still like to have the option … especially since it was 100 degrees today.

-A tampon. I know that was probably rough to read everyone, let’s take a deep breath, whew. I’m a girl and it happens, we all know it does and to tell you the truth, I don’t like having to carry it around with me as much as you don’t like reading about them, looking at me holding one, or thinking about me carrying one around. And I think this is the #1 reason why some men don’t like going through purses. I mean for the love of God, if you had to carry around Rogaine or something once a month, I would TOTALLY still go through your man purse or “satchel.”

-A Forever 21 receipt … another piece of paper I don’t like to review too thoroughly.

-A receipt that isn’t mine … weird.

-My car keys, because I can’t get from A to B without them, and if they aren’t put back into my purse IMMEDIATELY, they will absolutely get sucked into the vortex of my house, never to return ever again.

-Advil at the bottom of my purse, classy I know. If I’m in a rush, I’ll just throw it on in there. Perhaps it is time to invest in one of those old lady pill boxes.

-A Susan B. Anthony coin, damn you Patco, why can’t you just give me dollars back for the love of God!

-Endless gum wrappers … at least I don’t litter?

-And finally, my favorite … SEVEN … I repeat … SEVEN lip glosses. Hi issues, what up.

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One thought on “Truth: The Contents Of My Purse

  1. I love this— So here is mine:

    1. my agenda book to write down my ever changing schedule.
    2. receipt for dresses from h&m
    3. my blackberry charger
    4. coach wristlet (contents : plethora of change, 2 pens and a mechanical pencil (wtf?), credit cards, debit card, license, savings cards, 2 dollars, insurance and prescription cards, library card, atm receipts, target gift card, lip gloss, hair tie, coupons from work, and an old love note from the ex)
    5. a note from my car insurance broker to ask my insurance company along with her business card.
    6. sunglasses
    7. “louis vuitton” make up bag (contents: tide to go pen, mascara, rose spray, lip balm, a 2-in-1 fragrance lip gloss from vs, eye drops, 2 other lip glosses)
    8. hand sanitizer
    9. another lip gloss
    10. moisturizer w/ spf
    11. a halls
    12. hair brush
    13. a metal fork (another wtf)
    14. a thumb drive
    15. change (everyone can omit to this)
    16. afterbite (a mosquito/bug bite) stick (haha- go jersey)
    17. a hair clip
    18 eye glass cleaner rag
    19. an inhaler (classy)

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