Putting An End To The White Lies

Ahh Labor Day … the sweet demise of summer. This weekend is usually filled with people getting their last kicks with the color white … walking around in their white pants, with the white tank top and the white jewelry with the white sandals and the white hat. What? I mean seriously … let’s take a moment and think about this. White … IS A COLOR. Just a neutral color. It would be one thing if people walked around this weekend getting their last kicks with their hammer pants … but a color? Really?

I think it is ABSOLUTELY one of the most outdated fashion etiquette rules that exist. I mean if you are going to ban a color or color family after Labor day … PLEASE do me a favor and make it pastels and neons … no one should be wearing those colors in the fall/winter quite frankly … or ever. But that is neither here nor there. What I’m saying is … I’m putting an end to all of this, “oh Jesus … it is Labor Day weekend and I have to get my last white wardrobe kicks in before the clock strikes 12, otherwise I will have to disrobe immediately in order to not commit the ultimate fashion etiquette sin” bullshit.

First of all, where the hell did this stupid rule come from? Summer is a time of year when the heat rises and people need ways to keep their body temperatures down, so wearing white was a good way to do that back in the day when central air wasn’t an option for everyone. Also, people didn’t walk around looking like slobs like we do today. They were very proper with the whole 9 … hats, gloves, big poofy skirts, lace socks, heels … and during a heat wave, I can imagine that to not be a very comfortable look to pull off. But henceforth why white was such a genius idea … it didn’t attract the sun as much! So you got to stay cool while looking sharp and chic.

Why this makes no sense now: It is a little thing called global warming. I mean God damn, a hurricane just hit New Jersey, Pennsylvania and New York City last weekend … a HURRICANE. There was a tornado in my town that same weekend … and OH YEAH that little earthquake that traveled up and down the east coast two weeks ago … ahh yes. It ain’t like it used to be folks. Just because summer is technically over doesn’t mean September and October are not ragingly hot months … because for the past couple of years they have been. I might only be speaking for the northeast here … but honestly, we don’t have to sit on the porch at night with hand-made fans, shooting the shit with our neighbors as we stare up at the stars. It is the 21st century and MOST people have central air and if not they own a God damn fan, and if not … well … that is why Starbucks was invented with free wireless. So with all of that being said … keep on truckin’ with the white wardrobe folks.

And honestly, as much as I want to say that most of the general public walks around this earth in lovely outfits 24/7 looking socially appropriate … I cannot because that would make me a dirty liar. Seriously, the general public tends to dress like slobs or as far away from formal as they can get. And since we have no filter for what is appropriate to wear to the super market  compared to what is appropriate to wear whilst sitting on your couch on a lazy sunday, scratching your ass and watching a Keeping Up With The Kardashians marathon … I say this officially eliminates this rule yet again.

Listen, I am a firm believer that you should be able to wear what you want, when you want if it makes you feel like a million bucks. So if you have a pair of white slacks or a white blazer that you die for, DO NOT feel weird wearing them to the office or out on the town after today. I almost passed on buying a white blazer because of this stupid restrictive rule and then I realized, hey, I don’t even know where this originated from and at the end of the day … IT IS A COLOR. I think white is a very flattering, chic and romantic color that should be rocked all year. A classic white dress or suit is forever … and I think Coco Chanel would agree with me there.

So, if some jackass says anything to you about wearing white since it is after L-Day … tell them it is the 21st century and because of a little thing called global warming and people dressing like slobs ruining it for all of us for decades … you can wear white whenever the eff you want. So please don’t be that guy this weekend wearing the all white outfit just because some idiot told you that you will look like a fool if you wear it after today. THAT is not okay.

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