I think the movie Mean Girls said it best when referring to girls and Halloween, ahem, “In Girl World, Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.”

When I was in high school, I always took the funny route when picking a costume … or used it as an excuse to wear as much glitter as humanly possible since I was just wearing it to school. And I vowed to myself that when I arrived at college, I would not fall down the “dress like a complete whore for Halloween” rabbit hole where drunk co-eds rock lingerie, put on animal ears and called themselves a cat, DUH.

But when you live with a bunch of 18-year-old girls all trying to out-whore one another, all of a sudden dressing like an M&M doesn’t seem as awesome as it once was. Your eyes will glaze over and thoughts will run through your head like, “must … dress … like … skank.” I never wanted to be that girl, but I will share with you dear readers, that my freshman year, at a Jesuit University mind you, I was a Pirate Hooker. Yes a Pirate Hooker, a costume consisting of a shorter than short skirt, fish nets, a lacy tank top and a pirate hat (sorry mom). And when I look back at those pictures, my first instinct, after I stop laughing, is to burn them.

Now I live in this crazy place called the “real world,” where people celebrate Halloween at work, at bars and at the occasional house party … that is if you even still partake in this sacred holiday. I completely get that it is fun to dress slightly scantily clad because really, it is the only day you get … I truly do get the deliciousness of it all. But I gotta say, I despise those $50, barely there costumes so you can be the whore version of a firefighter, witch, nurse, cop and any other generic profession out there. Perhaps I’m just cheap, but so are those costumes. I can proudly say I’ve never invested and I’m even more proud to admit that I never will. Porn stars wear nonsense like that, not yours truly.

I, of course, still like to go the funny route when picking a costume in this “real world,” but I fancy making costumes out of my own wardrobe … aka never having to go into those horrid Halloween stores. I still love the fantasy of the holiday, but I instead make it about wearing everything I’ve always wanted to wear but never had the balls to. For example, there are many outlandish garments at Forever 21 that I’ve ALWAYS wanted to buy, but either never had anywhere to wear it or … again … never had the balls to rock, like leather pants. I like taking those things and turning them into a costume so I have an excuse to purchase and test out the trend … even if it looks crazy town.

The idea of being iconic figures is a fantastic option as well. I’ve personally been toying with the idea of being Karl Lagerfeld. Okay, so perhaps being a white-haired old man might not be the hottest thing in the world, but I’m obsessed with the idea of wearing tight black pants, a white button down (which you could sexify need be), a skinny black tie and some leather fingerless gloves. You don’t have to make yourself look like an old man either, you can do Chanel inspired makeup, a smokey eye, perhaps a popping red lip … as long as you have the Lagerfeld essence, you are good to go.

So what I am saying is, this is a great excuse to indulge in high-end fashion looks that you have been dying to try out. If people ask what you are, say “couture,” snap your fingers and walk away. Make it as sexy as you want, but listen, do not use this holiday as an excuse to whore-it-out for a night, that train has left the station for many of us. If you want to dress a little skanky because it will make YOU feel good, then go for the gold. I personally have a thing against investing in flammable garments (hello anything at Halloween stores).

Word to the wise: Think about it, would that guy be SO interested in what you have to say and all over you if you WEREN’T dressed like a sexy something or other  in an over priced plastic costume? Hmm … deep thoughts.