Versace For H&M Tomorrow … Now GET OOOUUUTTT!

Sigh. Versace for H&M tomorrow. Woo hoo? Sorry, I forgot to purchase my champagne to pop and streamers for the joyous event. I apologize if I seem less than excited for the unveiling of the collection in all H&M stores tomorrow. I really wish I could get excited enough to take a PTO day to wait outside of H&M and jump up and down as I see the overwhelmed store manager come to the door to unlock my Versace dreams, but I just can’t get behind it.

I love Versace, I love Donatella … and I might just love Maya Rudolph’s impression of her even more, “you bitch.” I was in Miami when Gianni got murdered, I may have been like eight years old, but I was there dammit. I feel a connection to the brand, in fact our love recently got re-ignited when Gaga rocked it in her video for Edge of Glory.

Here’s what it is. I’m obsessed with the advertising for Versace at H&M. It is so innovative and actually gets me excited to see the collection up close and personal. From the creepy doll house music and Donatella-esque models roaming about as the real Donatella controls them to the styling. Genius, pure genius. Even the website … I’m obsessed.

But here is what bothers me. Everything I want, including this FANTASTIC belt that defines Versace and is very reminiscent of what Gaga rocked, is listed on the website as being in “select stores,” with no price. What does that mean? I thought Versace was doing a line for H&M so it could be obtainable for the entire general population who cannot afford to make a reservation at an actual Versace boutique, no? And there it is, the one thing I would consider purchasing and it probably is extremely expensive, for H&M that is, and quite limited apparently. Why don’t I just throw in the towel and go find myself a REAL Versace belt, because I bet I can find it in any high-end boutique or department store WITH a price listed. Oh that’s right, I’m not bleeding money.

I’ve just become completely anti-designers doing collections for stores like H&M, Target, Macy’s and so on. Like I said with the Missoni line for Target, a piece from Versace, real Versace, should be a thing you work your ass off to get. Something you strive for, not something you have to smack a bitch to get in an H&M aisle. It is sweet that these designers want everyone to be able to indulge in their fashions, it really is and I commend them for that.

Call me crazy but when I get my first piece of Versace, I don’t want to purchase it with crazy town women fighting over sizes and running around H&M while rioting like it is the end of the world, only to hike the price up ridiculously high and sell it on Ebay, gross. I don’t want to have to wear battle gear and be prepared to elbow women to get exactly what I was looking for. I don’t want to potentially walk out of H&M with claw marks up and down my person as I hold my H&M back as tight as I can, praying to Jesus I don’t get mugged by a Versace thirsty fashion fiend.

What I want is to make a reservation at a Versace boutique and have an extremely snobby Versace bitch serve me champagne and strawberries as she judges me under her breath. I want said snobby Versace bitch to bring out each piece from the collection one by one as I sit in a gold studded white leather chair, observing quietly, considering what I should try on. Call me crazy, but this is what I imagine a proper Versace experience to be like. A girl can dream, can’t she?

If you are going to H&M tomorrow, God speed, I would probably arm yourself with pepper spray or something. I have a feeling that scene isn’t going to be pretty.


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