The Art Of Accepting a Heinous Present

So there ya have it folks, Christmas came and went. I love how people are so pumped to wake up early this morning and go return stuff. What? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love shopping more than the next person. But we literally just got off a months marathon of shopping, where is the fire that you need to run to the first cashier you can see? All today is, is an excuse for irate shoppers to yell at poor cashiers who do nothing wrong about how this doesn’t work, or this has a hole in it, or how this was $45.99 but they want $105.95 back. Crazytown. Honestly, today is the only day I have off, so therefore I will be kickin’ it in bed, all day … with my new fantastic shoes on, of course.

But it made me think about all the times those wacky aunts and uncles or mom and dad got you that one gift that when you pulled the tissue paper back you wanted to immediately utter, “what in the name of everything holy …,” but didn’t because the look of excitement on their faces as you opened it. I mastered this art a very long time ago. Sure, you could say, “oh, Aunt Mally … I wanted this embroidered I Love Cats sweatshirt in a large, not an extra extra extra large,” but that leads to disappointment. What I do, is no matter what, I open it and get ultra excited … about everything, because at the end of the day, these people were nice enough to think of you and buy you a gift, so get excited. You take whatever it is out of the box and say, “Oh my God … THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNKKKSS (really draw out the thanks)! This is so ::::::adjective::::, I’ve always wanted this ::::noun:::::. How thoughtful ::::get up and give a heartfelt hug::::::.” AND SCENE.

What is the point of crushing people’s hopes and dreams of buying you the perfect present. My brother, for example, is the worst. No matter what, he will open the gift, look at you and be like, “eeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhh, I wanted the one in red, BUT it is not big deal.” For a while I respected his honestly, because I never had the balls to say I didn’t like something, but at the same time, the look of disappointment on my mothers face was awful.

So yes, we probably all have a couple of presents that definitely need to get returned, and I get that a lot of people have today off, so why not go for the gold today. But not this guy … it is a jungle out there. I would rather enjoy all of the things I got, watch some good movies and be a sloth than deal with the crazytown American public.

On that note, I hope everyone had a lovely holiday … and faked liking presents like true actors and actresses.


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