New Year’s Eve: The Ultimate Amateur Hour

I know I’m not the only one when I say that New Year’s Eve might be the most overrated night of the year. It’s amateur hour for those people who really only like to let loose and get crunk P.Diddy style on Thanksgiving Eve and New Year’s Eve. I’ll speak for those of us who like to “let loose” at LEAST once a week when I say please stay at least 10 paces back at all times. It’s nothing personal, we just don’t need you spilling your cranberry and vodka drink all over our shoes, while you slur to your girlfriends about what an asshole your ex is and what effing great friends they are, for real, for real … kay thanks.

New Year’s has turned into prom all over again except it is legal for you to drink and happens every freaking year. Ridiculous amounts of money are spent on a dress you probably will only wear once, shoes and accessories for the dress, and with the outfit comes the desire to get your hair and makeup did. All to pay a cabbie ridiculous amounts of money to cart your drunk ass to and from a stupid bar you are paying 10 times the price to get in to just to say you were “somewhere cool,” when it is usually FREE any other night. Nights like these I wish I owned a dive bar so I could charge dumb people $100 to drink watered down cocktails until 12 a.m.

For a while I thought finding the right dress would get me in the New Year’s spirit, but I was sorely mistaken. I think I reviewed every dress under $100 on and then I remembered how infuriating it is to shop for a dress online. It doesn’t help that every store looks like they got hit with a glitter bomb right now, so I don’t even bother with malls. Don’t get me wrong, I live and die for sequins, but too much of one thing is never good. If there could be a decent amount of sequined clothing throughout the year, I would be content … but to walk into a wall of multi-colored glitter frocks … all in itty-bitty sizes mind you … is a bit overwhelming. I did the whole glittery dress thing last New Year’s because it was something I always wanted to do … and quite frankly I felt like a busted backup dancer for Beyonce. In fact, I was drunkenly doing the “Single Ladies” dance all night making fun of myself.

Don’t get me wrong, I won’t be sitting on my couch watching Carson Daily pretend he is Dick Clark as I snuggle with my “I Heart Cats” blanket knitting. I plan on going out with my dear friends to a small irish pub that you don’t need to sell your soul and empty your bank account to get into and I know I have a closet full of skirts and dresses that I can style up to “New Year’s” standards. In a perfect world I would rock a sexed up tuxedo with a low-cut shirt underneath the jacket, slicked back pony tail, red lip and a fierce pair of stilettos … you know, very Chanel. Ahh, one can dream.

All I know so far is that I will just be sipping on normal, city-priced cocktails and welcoming 2012 with the people I care about. Will it be crowded? Sure, but at least I won’t have to get water with a splash of vodka then immediately get back in line to get another one only to see a girl wearing the same pink sequin dress as me, ugh which will CLEARLY ruin my night. Just kidding, that would never happen … I would never be caught dead in pink.

So everyone, STOP FREAKING OUT. No New Year’s is perfect, no outfit is perfect and no venue is perfect, in fact … it actually is just like another other Saturday night if you ask me. So relax, just look fabulous in something you own and enjoy the company that surrounds you. Word.


One thought on “New Year’s Eve: The Ultimate Amateur Hour

  1. For me: 8pm dinner in an outfit I wore for last NYE, 10PM back indoors, doing something similar to this ” sitting on my couch watching Carson Daily pretend he is Dick Clark as I snuggle with my “I Heart Cats” blanket knitting.” Probable with a Starbucks in hand.

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