Finally after all of these years I know what Sinead O’Connor was talking about. She really wasn’t saying, “nothing comes to YOU,” she was saying, “nothing compares to, CHOO” … duh. You know when you eat a candy bar, or a bag of chips, or just something so delicious that you literally can’t stop eating it, making you wonder if there is crack in it or something? I’ve always wondered the same thing in regards to designer shoes. Whenever I would watch episodes of Sex and the City, like when Carrie couldn’t buy her apartment because she basically had $40,000 worth of Jimmy Choo, Manolo Blahnik and Christian Louboutin shoes in her closet, I really wanted to know what was so freaking special about them that would lead a woman to almost have to live in her designer shoes.

Well you know the saying, you never know until you walk a mile in someone elses shoes? Well there should also be a saying that goes, “you never understand what kind of crack is in a pair of Jimmy Choo’s until you try them on.” So my best friend is getting married. She’s got the dress, she’s got all the big stuff taken care of … and now … she needs shoes. So of course, as a bridesmaid and her best friend, I accompanied her to the creme de la creme of shoe departments at Nordstrom. We of course booked it straight to Salon Shoes and came face-to-face with the wall o’ Choo’s. :::Sigh::: She asked me a simple question of, “should I?” and as a firm believer in trying stuff on for “funsies” I said, “absolutely.” (Ps. Never go shopping with me, I’m apparently the worst enabler EVER.)

As we sat in the comfy, over stuffed chairs, the sales associate brought us the Choo boxes that seemed to have tiny halos around them. She carefully peeled back the delicate tissue paper and it honestly was like someone had just opened up a ring box and sitting in front of me was the most flawless, 5.5 karat Harry Winston blue diamond. We both did the typical girl move: Hand to heart gasp and uttered a soft, “oh … my … GOD.” Pictures just don’t do these bad boys justice, in fact they just shouldn’t be photographed … it just isn’t fair to them.

The minute she put them on she started doing the “Choo Strut” as I like to call it. I believe her exact words were “Oh my God … they don’t even feel like platform stilettos, they feel like extensions of my legs!” Random people were coming up to her commenting on them and saying how gorgeous they were, which we took as signs from God that she should purchase them. And then we got to the point where we were sitting down, drooling over these gorgeous specimens on her feet and trying to deny the fact that they were close to $700. Denial swiftly turned into justifying how to spend this much money on shoes … because she had to have them. I’m pretty sure sentences like, “well if I don’t go out to dinner so much …” “or if I put it on a credit card and pay it off slowly …” “or if I sold myself on the street on the weekends …” were definitely uttered. Hell, I would even sell myself on the street for her so she could have these shoes (I’m such a fabulous friend, aren’t I?)

Sadly, we walked away Choo-less. Sigh. We did go to what felt like a million shoe stores after … yet nothing compared. Nothing. Everything was a Choo wannabe. Now I get what that Spice Girls song was all about … “tell me what you want, what you really, really want.” I want a pair of God damn sparkly Jimmy Choos … not some half ass fake pair. The only positive that came from trying on the creme de la creme of shoes first was that everything after it seemed insanely cheap. We walked into Michael Kors and saw a pair of shoes for $150 and we were like, “holy shit … that is a steal!” Like what? Blinded by Choos is what it is.

So at the end of the day, she’s my best friend and I want her to have the best of everything … especially for her wedding. Therefore Choos are necessary. But I think these Choos are necessary for every bride. Seriously. You get one day … then what? I don’t know what happens after you get married but I heard it might have something to do with mortgages and getting knocked up :::chills::::

So yes, close to $700 is absolute madness to pay for ONE pair of shoes … but NOT if you look at them like a family heirloom or something, right? Pass them down … keep them in a glass case? Am I making them seem not close to $700 yet?