Okay, so in the morning, we all do a lot of crazed things for the sake of getting from A to B on time and in one piece. For example, I set my alarm for 6:40, but snooze and do not get out of bed sometimes until 7:30 … I know, crazytown. I consider that half hour and some change my chance to wake up.
But those extra snoozes lead me to rush and become frazzled and forgetful, making me do crazed thinks like put deodorant in the car while I’m driving, take my allergy medicine while I’m driving, answer emails and texts … NOT … while I’m driving … for any police authorities that may be reading. You know what, just steer clear of me driving in the morning, but that is neither here nor that.
But regardless, today I woke up, reviewed the weather and realized that it was going to be 70 degrees and sunny. Mortified at how pale my legs were, I still decided to expose them to natural sunlight and wear a dress to work. I don’t know about you but the first time I wear a dress to work sans stockings I feel a little, you know, slutty? It fades within hours, but every year, I’m always paranoid about the skank factor. But again, neither here nor there.
So I dusted off my most tasteful midseason dress and realized I could wear my open toed booties with it, which made me ecstatic because I covet them. So I got dressed, put them on and realized my toes were not painted, cue fail horn from the Price is Right. First thing is first. I hate feet. I hate what shoes and stilettos do to our feet, I just loathe them. But I do love getting massaged, so I treat myself to pedicures every so often. But again, just like how I get the skank factor when I don’t wear stockings for the first time, the first time I rock sandals or open toed shoes is just as weird. D0n’t ask me why, it just is.
So my toes were not pained, they were kept but not painted, the thought of not wearing nail polish on my toes bothered me, but I could not pass up this opportunity to rock my fav pair of booties. So what did I do? I literally was at the point in my morning where I knew if I didn’t get my ass in my car in the next 5 minutes, I was going to be obnoxiously late to work. So, and as embarrassing as this is, I kept my booties on and only painted the first 3 toes that were exposed. I did a lovely job too, for what it is worth.
All the way to work I kept thinking about what a freaking hill billy I was for doing that, but also how it is kind of genius. I mean no one would EVER know, unless you have a really super annoying co-worker that tracks and observes your every God damn move, but if they notice something like this you MAY want to consider a restraining order or a little chat with HR, just saying.
But if you are in a rush, need to rock a certain pair of shoes, don’t have the time to give yourself a proper pedicure, what is wrong with slapping on a quick coat of cute color? Even saying that statement I again thought about what a hill billy I sound like, but honestly, girls do dire things in a time crunch, especially when you don’t want to give up hope on busting out your favorite spring shoes. And this was probably the most hysterical one I’ve done to date. I mean I’ve applied blush and makeup in the car and had people next to me look like I was freaking insane, I’ve plucked my eye brows minutes before walking out the door … you name it and in a time crunch I’ve done it.
So if you’ve ever considered doing this but thought to yourself, “dear God, how white trash of me,” and just worn another pair of shoes, never fear, I broke that mold, so go for it girls. Hill Billy is the new black, you heard it here first.
One thought on “Confession Of A Girl In A Rush”
That’s not “hillbilly.” Trust me, I just moved to Appalachia from Southern California. I don’t think true hillbillies care about nail polish. I’ve put whitening gel on only the teeth that show and curled only the top layer of my hair. I’ve washed my face with Pepto Bismol. I’ve tried to highlight my hair with hot tea. I even used to cut the legs off control top pantyhose to make my own ghetto version of Spanx back in 1996. We are resourceful and clever. I’m sticking with that!