After a hard day, sometimes alcohol is necessary … and after other hard days, like today, shoe shopping is necessary. I didn’t go there on a mission, just wanted to walk around hoping for something spectacular to catch my eye.

Now I am not a shoe snob. As long as they are fashion-forward and cute, I will buy a $9 pair of shoes from Forever 21 all the way to a $200 pair of shoes at Nordstrom and everything in between. I don’t discriminate. It doesn’t matter where you get them as long as they are on point trend wise and, bottom line, are kiss-worthy.

But while I was aimlessly wandering through DSW, I found myself eye-to-eye with a ridiculously cute pair of sandals. Immediately visions of me frolicking around … well … everywhere in them were dancing in my head. You know, strutting my stuff in the city with a soft wind blowing through my hair. Normal stuff. But then, my awesome visions came to a violent stop when I saw the brand name. Fergalicious. What?! Like really? Who is the genius that gave “Fergalicious” her own brand? All I could think about was those dumb songs she sang back in the day that were only great when you were really hammered. Like seriously Fergie, I didn’t get a ridiculously expensive degree in English to have a spectacle like yourself teach me how to spell “delicious” while rolling in a pile of candy, kay? (Wow I sound like I’m 100).

Anyways, let me act like I’m 25 and say, I went from practically spooning these sandals to almost punting them when I found out who made them. Why? Well, by sheer association. I think of an artist who makes dumb songs and who butchered “Gimme Shelter” with Mick Jagger … henceforth making me despise the shoes. I moved on though.

And in May I am in my best friends wedding. I have the dress, and I even have the shoes, which are sparkly and fabulous (the first pair in this post). We were only told to find a gold shoe, so when I came across these bad boys at Nordstrom, for a fabulous price, I couldn’t help myself. And they seem to be extremely comfortable … so far.

But then, whilst strolling through the clearance section at DSW, I landed on yet another cute pair of gold, sparkly shoes, expect these had a t-strap, peep toe and a slightly smaller heel (the second picture in this post). They are absolutely elegant, old-world style, something Judy Garland would have worn. And for under $40 … I had to have them. So when I looked at the box, all I saw was a little crown logo and assumed the brand name was “Crown,” which made sense at the time. But as I was standing in line to check out, I noticed the top of the box said “Miss America.” OH HELL NO.

Yes, I had fallen for a pair of shoes made by a bunch of beauty queens who I’ve made fun of for years. I immediately began to wonder if I wore these to the wedding would I start doing the robotic wave to people, start a tap dance routine for my talent, have the urge to put vaseline on my teeth for smiling purposes, and go around preaching my dire hope for world peace? ICK! It’s just a damn brand, and the shoes were too cute to pass up so I made the investment. But because of the association with “Miss America,” I wanted nothing to do with them. Since making the purchase I’ve been very busy making fun of myself, and trying to convince myself that since beauty queens made these shoes, or at least their logo is on them, perhaps they are comfortable because they of all people know how painful heels really are.

But when I got them home and saw my other sparkly Nordstrom shoes just sitting there like, “oh, you’re home, darling. I’ve been waiting for you! Put me on so I can make you fabulous.” And then the beauty queen shoes looked back at me and said, “you too will get the Miss America crown if you walk around in me, especially during swim suit competitions.”

So ladies, here is where I need your help. Tell me which ones you like better. I need your total honest opinions here, no bullshit. I don’t care if you don’t like the Nordstrom ones because you think they look like hooker heels, or the beauty queen ones because you think beauty pageants are old-fashioned. Just give it to me straight … otherwise I will become the shiny shoe hoarder. And no one wants that … well …