True Story: I Don’t Own Sneakers

I know, I know … I bet you are thinking who the hell is this chick that she doesn’t own a pair of damn sneakers. It is like the American way to own freaking sneakers. But I’m going to be blatantly honest with you … when it comes down to it and I’m faced with the decision to buy either a pair of $80 Nikes or an $80 pair of heels … the heels ALWAYS win, no matter what … hands down. There is just no way I can justify turning down a pair of fantastic heels or even a pair of flats for a pair of common sneakers that will always be there … I just can’t.

I was never “sporty spice.” In my past life I was a jazz and hip hop dancer … yes, that was what I considered “my sport” throughout my teenage years. So I do have a sweet pair of black Capezio jazz sneakers that I didn’t have the heart to throw away when I retired from dancing … a.k.a. got too old to shake my thang in an over priced costume made of pleather and sequins that showed WAY too much skin in front of a crowd of over 1,000 parents and family members. So yeah, if I felt compelled to pirouette and pas de bourrée all up in this piece … I totally could.

In high school I lived in sneakers, in fact they were a form of self-expression for me when I went through my “I’m going to listen to emo bands because it speaks to my soul” phase that we all go through. Pumas were definitely my sneaker of choice in all shapes and styles. Most of them I’ve gotten rid of, except these bad ass pink leather Reeboks I got in New York City. I know, they sound heinous, but they are kind of amazing. I hate, loathe and despise the color pink, so I rarely wear them … but I don’t have the heart to throw them away either.

I bet you’re wondering don’t I work out? Belong to a gym? Go for a jog every now and then? Or perhaps I’m a huge sloth who thinks exercise is lifting the beer can to and from my mouth. Well the answer is I hate gyms. Do I belong to one? Yes … a fancy one as a matter a fact. And I only belong to said fancy gym because they have a fabulous yoga studio where I can take unlimited yoga classes (and for those yogi’s out there … you know price wise how clutch that is). And for yoga purposes … no shoes are required. It is genius. I roll up to the gym in my flippy floppys … kick them off, get centered and get my ass kicked by my deep yoga instructor and move on.

And if I don’t have sneakers then I can’t work out in the  “machine” section of the gym, which I loathe because people are WAAAYYY too chatty. No matter what, ear buds in my ears and all, in the zone … some idiot will come over to me and strike up a conversation about something ridiculous. Hi, yeah … when I’m on a treadmill or any other machine that increases my heartbeat and makes me pour sweat … I am HATING life … therefore I don’t want to talk to you about what incline I’m on, or what kind of music I like to listen to when I work out, or what my work out regiment is, or how long I will be using the machine for. Nope. Sorry, not trying to get my flirt on at the gym when I’m in old ratty sweats, an oversized T-shirt from college, my hair in a messy ponytail and sweat dripping down my face as I blast disco music (my secret work out music of choice). Seriously. No. Therefore to avoid this frustration I stick to yoga, which is a workout for the mind, body and soul that doesn’t require sneakers … word. The only thing I wanna hear when I work out is … OOOOOOOMMMMMM. Otherwise, zip it.

Sneakers just don’t have a place in my life right now. My style of jeans just don’t welcome them. Skinny jeans and sneakers? Mmm, I’m going to politely pass. I have size 9 feet, and rocking size 9 sneakers with skinny jeans is more of a clown look than a chic look. And yeah yeah, flair legged jeans are coming back … but the thought of rocking sneakers with them doesn’t quite rev my engine. I’m not a snob, I see cute sneakers I covet all the time, I love the way sneakers look on other people … I really do … I just don’t have an absolute need or want for them at this current time.

So until I remove my personal rule of only running when being chased or when there is a spider near me … I will be the abnormal girl who doesn’t own a pair of sneakers.

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