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A Little Mental Math

I’m going to draw you a picture right now. I’m laying in bed, mentally beaten down after a rough week … and maybe I might have raging PMS, just saying. But here I am trying to think of something to pull me out of this silly emotional hole I’m in. It goes a little something like this: Do I go shopping? No … I’m too lazy. Maybe I’ll just order a pizza and rent a movie. No, then I’ll get fat. Perhaps I should go get my nails done … I do need a new gel manicure. No I should probably save and wait to get my hair dyed. But to do ombre or to not do ombre. Hmm … maybe a massage is the ticket. I can afford a $50 massage. But then there is the tip to consider … and I REALLY need to get my hair dyed and should put the money towards that. AND SCENE.

I know … shut it already, whiney brat. Regardless it comes down to the fact that I’m cheap and when it comes to doing something to make yourself sparkle a little … I like to think economically, not spontaneously. But within that mental hodgepodge I just shared with you above, it made me think about how much money us ladies would have to spend every two weeks or every month (depending on the lady, of course) to be fully put together … mentally and physically. This is the economical approach, but I did a little mental math.

Behold, the cost of getting ourselves fully did every month. Mind you, the prices are not 100% accurate since all salons are different … but they are definitely in the right range. Try not to vom.

Eye brows waxed: $10 + $2 tip = $12

Bikini Wax or Brazilian (If you get down with that): $50 + $10 tip = $60

Gel Manicure (2 times a month since it only lasts 2 weeks): $30 + $6 tip = $36 X 2 = $72

Getting Hair Dyed (Obviously this depends on the person, but for simplicity’s sake, let’s say this is a single process): $60 + $12 tip = $72

Hair Cut with Blow Out: $60 + $12 tip = $72

Pedicure: $25 + $5 tip = $30

Spray Tan: $40 + $8 tip = $48

One Hour Massage: $50 + $10 tip = $60

Lip waxing: $12 + $2 tip = $14

Facial: $60 + $12 tip = $72

Gym Membership: $40 a month 

And the grand total? $552! Per month. FIVE. HUNDRED. AND. FIFTY. TWO. DOLLARS. AMERICAN! Hello crazytown … what up? My GOD. I mean mind you maybe you wouldn’t get your hair cut and colored every month … but definitely every three, at least. Could you imagine that though? And that isn’t even going to the real ritzy salons!

All I’m saying is … thank Jesus there are places like Ulta that carry products that allow us to do some of those things ourselves for more than half the cost. I’m going to speak for most women in their 20’s and some in their 30’s and 40’s and 50’s even and say that no one can afford to get themselves 100% worked over every single month. That is why every now and then we’ll have insane roots, bushman eyebrows, a busted manicure, a tore up to the floor up pedicure, pale as shit skin since we don’t have time or energy to actually sit out in the sun, and bodies that don’t exactly look like Gisele’s.

In other news … I decided pizza and a movie are my best bet. I don’t need to get a manicure this month … right?

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3 thoughts on “A Little Mental Math

  1. Holy wow, those numbers are nuts. Even more than the money, imagine the TIME spent. Seriously, who has that amount of time to spend in salons every month? That’s a lot of time in an uncomfortable chair waiting for your name to be called. I guess I should consider myself handy with the diy beauty treatments! Pretty much the only thing I do professionally and regularly is get a haircut. I spend a lot of time outdoors, my gym is free, my nails are real, I (John Frieda foam) home color, and I’m not especially hairy…nothing that a razor/tweezers can’t solve. And here I was wondering if I spent too much on vanity products!

  2. Yea, the only thing I get done (almost) monthly is threading my eyebrows. I’ve tried to do them in the past, but I have these freakishly pale/translucent hairs and no patience. So every 5 or so weeks (I wait until the eyebrows look like tiny caterpillars crossing my face) I get someone to yank half of them off and shape them back up. Otherwise, the rest of that can be done by me, myself, and I or doesn’t need to be done at all.
    ~Emilie

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