Walk Tall And Wear Large Shades …

I never really thought about the age-old saying, “always dress like you are about to come face to face with your worst enemy.” But that statement couldn’t be more true. I’m pretty sure everyone can agree that when you look like absolutely death, hair a hot mess, no makeup, ripped sweats and bagging clothes, hung over as balls, is when you will run into that long-lost love of your life, or Justin Bieber, or perhaps even your boyfriends parents for the first time. I don’t know why the hell the universe works like this, but it does. It is a cruel, cruel world.

I remember after I got my hair and makeup done for my best friends wedding months ago, all I wanted to do was run into everyone I’ve ever met because I looked so fab (and I rarely ever say that about myself). But I barely saw my own mother that day. It almost seems like you need to plan a party after you get your hair dyed or your make up did just so you are guaranteed to see people you know and show off the goods. But even if you were to go ahead and do something like that, you would probably end up falling in a huge mud filled manhole or something right before walking into the venue.

But to think of always being on your toes style-wise and looks-wise seems like an exhausting endeavor. My God, we aren’t even safe running to our cars in the morning. I can throw on what I wore last night, run my hands through my hair, throw on my shades … and I’ll be good to go, right? Nope. That’s when you are ALWAYS seen … by EVERYONE. They are out in MASSES. It is like everyone got a press release to be out in the street that you are walking on. It is mortifying, it is uncomfortable, it is awkward … and more than anything you just wonder to yourself, why now, lord … seriously?!

I usually try really hard to be on my toes and not look a hot mess. But for example, this week I was absurdly sick … like I don’t even remember Monday. I literally drove myself to the doctors without any makeup on, did not touch my hair from sleeping on it, wore my sweatpants that don’t fit me and have holes in them, a matching comfy sweatshirt that only my cat sees me in, and flats. When you are that sick, you don’t care. But oh yes, who is sitting in my doctor’s office? This older woman who I worked with at this clothing store when I was a SENIOR IN HIGH SCHOOL. Trust me, I didn’t sweat this one, but I was terrified she was going to recognize me and start small talk when all I wanted to do was crawl under my car and die slowly.

My point is … you could know you are coming face to face with a girl you LOATHE and spend hours planning the perfect outfit, the perfect hair, the perfect makeup … and something will go wrong. You just can’t plan for these types of things … ever, because the universe already planned them out for you … that saucy minx.

My piece of advice: Walk tall and wear REALLY large shades.

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