As I lay face down in my overflowing sea of caramel and marshmallow bunny rabbits … I can’t help but think about my guilty pleasures in life. You know … those things that may or may not be good for you, but are too satisfying to not indulge. Like … laying face down in a pile of Easter candy wrappers … not that I am … or … anything … :::coughs, wipes caramel away from corner of mouth inconspicuously:::
We all have them, we all love them … so why not chat about the things that make us feel secretly fantastic, right?
Behold ladies and the five gents that are reading this, my guilty pleasures in life, ahem …
1. Wearing Red Lipstick for No Reason: Whether I’m writing or just doing a whole lot of nothing, sometimes putting on some red lipstick turns a “blah” day into a special day. Sure, if anyone saw me randomly walking around my house by myself talking to my cat wearing red lipstick would say I’m one step away from becoming the crazed cat lady from the Simpsons … but it makes me feel good, alright?
2. Drinking Wine Whilst Eating Chocolate: If you are looking for a slice of heaven … come home from work one day, pour yourself a healthy glass of vino, get some M&Ms, or your chocolate or choice, and indulge. There truly is nothing more satisfying … well, I’m sure there is … but if you need a quick, relaxing fix … go to town on this one.
3. Laying on my Couch Watching Bravo and Drooling: This keeps me sane. When I need to tune out the world, relax, and not think, I get in my favorite sweats, plant myself on my couch and get lost in botoxed rich bitches screaming at each other. When I end up drooling, I know my mission of decompression has been completed. (Seriously how hawt am I?)
4. Instagramming Like a Bawwwwssss: Have you ever seen something really cool and said to yourself quietly, “I’m gonna Instagram the shit out that”? Oh yeah … no? Cool … me either :::Shifty eyes, backs away slowly::: Fine … my name is Kate and I’m addicted to Instagram (@LifeSucksInAStraplessBra follow along with me, please!)
5. Singing “What’s Up” By the 4 Non Blondes Really Loudly In My Car: And I said … HEEEEEEEEEY YEAAAAAA YEAAAAA YEAAAA EH EHHHH, HEEEEEEEEEEEY YEA YEAAAAAAAAA, I said HEY! AAAAA WHAT’S GOIN’ ON?! You should drive past me, I really put on a really fantastic show because I think I can sing … in my car … only.
6. Picking My Nail Polish Off: Okay, not an attractive quality, I get it … especially since doing this leaves me with crack head nails, but it is beyond satisfying, especially if you just need to zone out from stress. Of course afterwards I always say to myself, “dammit, why did I just do that!” but at the time it was worth it, that is what matters.
7. Changing Something About My Appearance: Hey remember the time I dyed my hair ombre … myself? Yeah … sometimes when I’m trying to get over something or get ridiculously bored … I get this violent urge to change something about myself. And it always makes me feel fantastic. Even if my hair doesn’t turn blonde but a weird shade of brownish-red, I consider it a win.
8. Pretending I’m A Bad Ass: Apart of me wants to hate people who wear sunglasses indoors, especially whilst shopping. Another part of me wants to slow clap them. Listen, sometimes when I go out in public I don’t want to see an-y-one. Oversized shades give me an opportunity to have a “Big Daddy” moment where I can act invisible. It is kind of genius, right? So if you see me wearing sunglasses out in public, in a store, chances are I don’t want to chat with you.
9. Pinning Before Bed: Some people say their prayers before they go to bed, I pin. Not only is it soothing … it is inspiration. I rarely know what I’m going to wear the next morning … so looking at some fab outfits gives me more time to hit snooze and less time to ponder what the hell I’m going to put on my bod.
10. Impulsively Buying Makeup At The Drugstore: Who hasn’t walked into a drugstore for tissues or tampons and found themselves in the makeup department randomly buying lip gloss or foundation. How could you not when beauty commercials leave taglines in your head like, “Get the London Look.” I’ll walk past the Rimmel London section and all of a sudden find myself saying, ummm hell YES, Georgia May Jagger, I want the London look! $50 later I have a bag full of random makeup that I don’t need and a box of tampons.
So since I spilled the beans … now I need to know … what are your guilty pleasures?