Have you ever been shoe shopping, passed a pair of lucite heels and said to yourself, “nice stripper shoes!” … No one? Really? Cool … totally … yeah … me either :::shifty eyes::: No for serious, if you are a chick who fancies shoe shopping, you’ve been confronted with stripper shoes before. And if you haven’t … well … you haven’t LIVED!
I define stripper shoes like so:
- 4 inches or higher
- 2 inch platform or higher
- Sparkly or studded (or both if you’re super fancy)
- 96.4% made of lucite
I like to call this the “Cinderella trickle down effect”. Think about it. Your parents introduce you to this magical princess who lives happily ever after and gets to rock these dreamy glass slippers. Like who didn’t want to be her?! And for most little girls, this is where our shoe craze started. So thanks, Cinderella. You lived happily ever after and meanwhile I’ve spent the past 26 years desperately searching for a pair of shoes that can make me swoon like your damn glass slipper.
So yeah, I would stomp around in my Mom’s regular old pumps, confused why she didn’t own a pair of sweet lucite heels, but pretending anyways they were my glass slippers. And in an effort to get me to stop badgering her to invest in a pair of lucite heels, she told Santa to bring me “kiddie heels” from the Disney Store with Cinderella branding all over them and about a one inch lucite heel. Remember those? Looking back they make me cringe …but back in the day I felt fancy. Ps. In the 80’s … my fake glass slippers didn’t light up, kids. I would have DIED for these.
So you go from a glass slipper dream to one day getting bitch slapped by reality when some kind soul explains the concept of “stripping” to you. From then on clear heels skeeve you out, make you feel cheap*. You hold your head high when you walk past them because all of a sudden you’re “above” them, for Cinderella no longer owns that look. Instead an innocent woman named “Candy Cane” who is just trying to pay for college or med school by working the late shift at the local strip joint does.
But when one designer wants to make a trend happen … it happens. And in 2013 … everyone is all about lucite. I swear Anna Wintour must have decided to go to the strip club late night and fell in love with some lucite or something. And months later there I am on Pinterest minding my own business when I stumble across a fab pair of lucite heels and start drooling like I’m 5 years old again. Boom … Cinderella trickle down effect complete.
I would personally like to apologize to all the strippers out there on behalf of all of us ex-lucite haters who now only like them because they are fiercely trendy. First it was over-the-knee Julia Roberts, “Pretty Woman” boots en vogue, now lucite heels. And if you are a stripper, you absolutely have the right to say, “bitch stole my look.” Because … well … we did.
So if you are going to cave and give in to this trend, you need to repent for your shit talking against stripper style. Yes, it is true. For they have owned this look loudly and proudly for years.
My only question is, what will be the next stripper inspired trend?
*I would just like to clarify that I think there is nothing wrong with stripping. To each their own … and if you got the bod for it … go ‘head, girl! Just be safe … of course (sorry, kids … had to have a Mom moment).