Holidays 2013 / Public Service Announcement

Dear Holiday Shoppers,

UnknownPreface: This is a public service announcement, sponsored by your friends at Life Sucks In A Strapless Bra. 

Please stop:

Being assholes, in general

Cursing each other out

Stealing one another’s parking spots

Cursing each other out for stealing one another’s parking spots

Taking your dogs out in public (Seriously, I think your Yorkie Doodle can chill at home while you hit up TJ Maxx)

Driving like maniacs, causing silly fender benders, and then holding everyone else up

Yelling at your children in the middle of the store (You know … because EVERY child just LOVES shopping for nonsense they don’t care about … so yes, DEFINITELY yell at them … fools)

Yelling at sales associates in stores (They. Have. No. Control. Over. Your. Problems. You yelling at them equals you ruining their day. How would you like someone to come to your office and curse you out for no reason. Put yourselves in their shoes before you start telling them off that they don’t have your Juicy velour sweats in hot pink size XXL)

Having no parking lot etiquette (Santa is not down with you running people over for the sake of hitting up amazing sales #naughtyliststatus)

Not moving out-of-the-way for people. And not saying, “excuse me,” when you are trying to get through a crowd of people. (Manners matter)

Talking on your cell phone at an octave only dogs can hear (Nobody needs slash wants to hear about what Judy’s sister’s dog walker Betty’s husband Bobby didn’t get her for Christmas last year)

My apologies for the rant, but my God. Here I am, trying to enjoy the holidays … and I literally couldn’t get out of the store I was in, back in my car, and back in the safety of my own home fast enough.

The holidays are supposed to be a beautiful time of the year. Not the time of year when you need to put your Kevlar on, battle face mask (is that a real thing?) on, and head out into the wild known as your local mall. Seriously, ladies and gents. My GAWD.

It wouldn’t kill everyone to pay it forward a little bit more besides throwing ‘bows at Walmart, I mean for the love of God. Buy the guy or gal behind you a coffee while you are getting your caffeine on before the shopping rush. Hold the door open, no matter who or what is standing behind you … and SMILE. In fact, smile at your fellow man or woman as much as possible. Use your manners. Do a good deed. Do a selfless deed. Help someone in need, no matter if it is just offering them pleasant conversation or helping them solve a problem.

As much as we all enjoy thinking about and catering to numero uno … we gotta stop acting like assholes during the holidays … because gifts are a luxury … not a necessity. And the naughty list should really exist, because I would recommend several human beings get put on it and banished from malls and stores, immediately.

Ps. Malls/boutiques/stores in general … turn your damn heat down.

Kay thanks … byeeeeeeee.

And scene.

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