You Can’t Photoshop Real Life, Kids

CaptureWith everyone hating on Vogue and Elle for their huge Photoshop fails, and throwing stones at Kim Kardashian for Instagramming a supposed Photoshopped pic of her ass post-workout, it has made me think about the concept of Photoshopping.

If Anna Wintour called me tomorrow and said, “Kate, I need you on the cover of our next issue of Vogue,” after I came to from passing out, I would be FREAKING the eff out. Want to know why? Because perfection is an unobtainable thing. If you think it is and strive for it every day, you are a fool. Flaws are what make everyone beautiful, they are the best part of a person. They establish character.

With that being said, I’m INCREDIBLY flawed. I’m in a love affair with carbs, I rarely workout, I love wine and vodka, and my skin is the farthest thing from flawless … and it’s all fantastic. But is that the definition of “cover girl?” Umm no. My life is neither easy nor breezy. And if I was asked to be in a photo shoot tomorrow for the cover of Vogue, hell YES I would want to be Photoshopped, but only just a touch. Make me look healthy, my skin look less like pale death, remove the bags from underneath my eyes, and if I happen to have a double chin, hack that thing off. But keep me lookin’ like me, for the love!

I would absolutely call myself a realist. And the models and superstars on and in magazines, aren’t real. Let me tell you a little story about when I was a jazz dancer in high school, and violently obsessed with Britney Spears. My thighs were a bit larger from dancing, and I never could understand why Britney was such a stick even though she danced so much more than I did. It made me feel bad about myself. Then I saw her and her thighs in concert. The woman was NOT a stick, she actually had muscle to her … and it was like the greatest day of my life. Thanks Photoshop, for making my 17-year-old self feel like a fat ass even though I wasn’t.

And then there was that time I interned at a magazine (won’t name it because I don’t want to get hurt … or sued … either or) and I remember them taking the cover models mouth and replacing it with a different one. Umm … excuse me? Like I get slimming people down, making them have more of a light and fresh glow … but a completely new mouth?! Didn’t realize models signed up for the body part buffet when they went through Photoshop … Christ.

Listen, I’m not trying to get sappy here or break out in song, but all women are beautiful in their own way. Women who get butchered in Photoshop … not so much. It’s true. Like I said, flaws are bad ass. I would rather look at a real woman on the cover of Vogue that had curves and flaws than a non-existent one some art director created out of thin air that makes me feel bad about myself as I’m eating a loaf of bread.

I challenge magazines from Elle to Vogue to W to embrace the real woman. Use Photoshop for good. Make me look radiant and not like I just went on a three-day bender (not that I did). Don’t take away what my momma gave me, accentuate it for the best! Otherwise we are teaching very influential young ladies out there that you should do everything in your power, including plastic surgery, to change yourself when you should be embracing it.

As much as I wish I could take an airbrush and remove the blemishes, pale complexion, and all of that extra weight I really wish I didn’t have in the morning … I can’t, so I work with what I got. Maybe you should do the same, publications. Perhaps that would stop you from hacking off ladies’ limbs … just sayin’.




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