When you’ve been living in a polar vortex for weeks and weeks on end and all of a sudden a 60 degree “heat wave” hits, it might be the most uncomfortable thing in the world. And I’m not talking about uncomfortable like awkward, I’m talking about uncomfortable like you just ate way too many carbs and happen to be wearing Spanx.
On days like today, ladies feel the need to throw their stockings to the wind, burn their boots and rock a naked leg underneath a skirt or dress. “Short shorts for all!,” they said … but you will find me standing there, arms crossed, in full resting bitch face saying, “bitch, please.”
I know, I know … it’s tempting to expose your epidermis at the first inkling of warmth. And today I stood in front of my closet and had the classic battle of, do I risk freezing my ass off all day and show a little skin, or do I just stick to my winter regime and sweat a little. At first I reached for my short sleeve dress and flats, but shook my head no, and reached for a T-shirt and blazer, black skinnies with heels … but that was all wrong. Then after much debate went with the sheer top (with something underneath it, of course … pervs), jeans, boots and a light trench. And now said sheer top is making me itch beyond belief, and it’s a little drafty where I’m sitting. I mean, can I win?!
If I could stay the same temperature all day, I would be happy. But spring is a saucy minx that continuously switches it up. After my 10 minute walk to the train, I’m sweating. I cool off on my train ride, but by the time I get to my desk I’m over heated. Then depending if my office decided to be freezing or stuffy that day, I unfortunately have to suffer through something (I know, right? Waaaaaaa, poor me). I mean, planning outfits for days like to day means you’re sacrificing something … or that you need to dress in layers, which is annoying … sometimes. Then you’ll find me on the train, over heated like a woman going through menopause ripping layers of clothing off. Hawt, right?
So no, I am not ready to show some leg. Mostly because I have refused to look at my legs all winter and fear the paleness will blind innocent bystanders. Before I throw myself into the spring wind, I need a spray tan, I probably need to do a thoroughly shaving of my legs (come on, we ALL use the winter as the lazy girl’s excuse for lack of leg shaving), and I probably need to thoroughly moisturize (don’t my legs sound hot right now?). So once I complete those tasks, sure … epidermis for all … wait, what?
Until then, I’m preparing to be uncomfortable for a couple of painful weeks. Sigh … I’m already stressing about what I will wear tomorrow.