Phantom Hair Syndrome

tyra-haircutSo if you don’t follow me on any social media network, you would have no idea that I hacked five inches off of my hair last night. Yep. I did it, guys. And if you DO follow me on social networks, you are probably like, “shut the eff up, you cut your hair … cool. Unfollow.” Which I hope isn’t the case :::insert emoji sad cat:::

I suggest everyone do something like this, at least once in your life. Perhaps it was my drive for change, or that my hair bordem hit an all-time high, but from the moment I made the decision to hack my long mane into a long bob, I’ve been filled with excitement. Sure nerves showed their nasty face here and there, but never once did I say, “meh … maybe this is a bad idea.” I didn’t even have my reality show, “Top Model” moment where I was sobbing and hyperventilating as they cut my hair off saying, “TURN. OFF. THE. CAMERAS.” Hell no. I was telling her to cut more.

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So how do I feel with five inches less of hair? Free, most definitely. I oddly do feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders … I think it was all my dead ends from all the dying and frying. I feel slightly more mature, which is strange to say. But you know, a little more dignified. Like I could go to a fancy bar in a black strapless dress, long black satin gloves, red lipstick and order a dirty martini or something. Just kidding, I’ll be at the dive bar tonight slugging back house vodka and clubs. And overall I just feel excited and refreshed. I actually wanted to get up earlier than usual just to play with my hair. Seriously. Me. The girl who snoozes a legit 10 times at least in the morn.

I haven’t felt a second go by where I’ve longed for my long locks. So yes, if you are looking for something to make you feel empowered, do this. I seriously feel like I could bitch slap the world for no apparent reason. But before taking a plunge like this one, here are some tips I would like to offer throughout my experience.

1. Find a stylist with a good amount of experience. I had never gone to the lady who long-bobbed me, which was a bit unnerving, but after reviewing her background, I knew she had the skills to give me what I need. Now I adore her and have adopted her as my go-to stylist. Which is maybe another reason why I’m on cloud-9 because it has taken me YEARS to find someone like this. Jenna at Verde Salon, I adore you. So does my hair.

2. Do detailed research on the look you want. True, Kim Kardashian was my spirit animal during the whole process … which still kind of freaks me out to be honest. But I suppose it was realistic. I went on Pinterest and tried to find celebs with my skin tone, hair color, and face shape to see if this is something I could actually pull off. I even tried this stupid thing on Marie Claire where you can upload a pic of yourself and try out different hair cuts. Ugh. I’m really embarrassed to even admit that. Don’t do it … or do if you need a laugh. You never want to go to a stylist as a brunette with an oval face shape and say you want to look like some blonde with chiseled cheek bones. It just won’t work. Stylists are good … but they can’t turn water into wine, ya know what I mean?

3. My experience in the past has been to be like, “yeah I want it short, and layered,” and then I get overwhelmed and just let them do whatever the hell they want because they are the “experts” … and then I end up wanting to stab them because I hate it. No. Ask questions. Be as descriptive as possible. Talk out what you want to do with your stylist. It may not be just a five minute convo either. And if they aren’t giving you the answers you want, or not making sense, or talking you into shit you just aren’t down with, and if you feel your heart start to race … maybe back away slowly, just saying. This was the first experience where a stylist was asking ME questions … like how I wear my hair, how I foresee myself wearing my hair, etc. The more you talk, the more you get what you want … AND you walk away with some great tips, too.

4. Listen to your gut. It actually is wiser than you think and not just full of Chipotle like mine is. If you really want to dye your hair pink, but every time you think about it you feel like you need to pop a Xanax, maybe don’t dye your hair pink. I told you, from the minute I set my sights on a long bob, I never looked back. It was soothing but really creepy at the same time, because I’m never calm about ANYTHING like that.

5. Limit yourself to opinions. I’m the type of person that needs to survey the masses before making a major life decision. Survey says: that’s not a good idea. Luckily this time around, everyone was very supportive, besides a select few. But if you are impressionable, just follow YOUR instincts. Not what your best friends, dog walker’s, sister says. It will save you a lot of agony.
So there you have it. I just had to go invest in a brand new bag of tricks in order to tackle this new hair do. And by bag of tricks I mean hair curling wand and beach spray (which if heaven had a scent I bet it would be this … and cookies. Yep. Beach and cookies … and maybe vodka). No longer will I be my hair straighteners bitch. I’m lettin’ the wave out, and for people who know me, that is a SHOCKING statement for me to say.

Out with the old … in with the new.

Oh, also, here is the new ‘do … this isn’t a selfie … I swear:

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