What’s In Your Purse?

Screen shot 2014-05-05 at 6.36.04 PMSometimes when I wake up on a Monday morning, I feel like the only thing going on in my brain is a tiny monkey in a Sergeant Peppers-like outfit banging together two symbols under a tree. That’s. About. It. Insert copious amounts of caffeine stage right.

So as I was sitting on the train this morning, pondering what I would dazzle my readers with, I began thinking about how I literally lived out of my purse this weekend (yep I was a bag lady), which means the weekend debris in my purse is usually epically random and strange … and sometimes gross. One time I found a hard-as-rock no longer soft pretzel in the bottom of my purse. Stay classy, self.

Do you know what this means? It’s time to play one of my ALL-TIME favorite games … WHAT’S. IN. YOUR. PURSE! (Side note: I should really come up with theme music for this game. For the time being I’m stealing the Price Is Right theme song. Sorry Bob? Or … Drew? Screw it, it will always be Bob Barker in my eyes.)

I haven’t done this in a while, in fact, here is the last time I wrote about WHAT’S. IN. MY. PURSE! With that being said, this is an interactive game. I request that everyone reading this shout somewhere on social media, or to me, either or, WHAT’S. IN. YOUR. PURSE! Honesty is the best policy, no need to doctor up weird shit just to sound cool or funny. And if you have live animals in your purse, I WILL in fact report you.

So let’s do this, shall we? Cue the stolen theme music …

-A Stephanie Johnson sparkly makeup bag that I love so much I could make out with it, full of 10 … yes 10 … lip glosses and lipsticks (If anyone knows of a makeup rehab, let me know)

-A receipt from the restaurant Bricco (girl needs to get her carbs on)

-An H&M tag for a pair of flip flops I bought out of sheer desperation because my feet hurt so badly from the shoes I was wearing. Turns out the flip flops hurt more (note to self, $5 flip flops are Satan)

-A random $5 bill floating about

-Ear buds

-Vintage sunglasses that I covet

-House keys on a Las Vegas key chain even though I’ve never been to Las Vegas, nor do I know where said key chain came from

-Transit pass

-Tic tacs (fresh to death)

Sharpie pen (listen, I’m an extreme pen snob, if you ever were to steal my Sharpie pen, I would cut you)

-Another tag from an H&M sleeveless polka-dotted shirt I bought, impulsively, at the same time I purchased “Satan flops” because I was hot as balls in the shirt I was wearing (I’m clearly a traveling gypsy … and now a Cher moment, ahem: Gyspies, tramps and thieves … we hear it from the people of the town they call us … okay I’m done. I swear.)

-Receipt from dry cleaners

-A random three dollars (seriously, do I USE my wallet?)

-One bobby pin

-One mini hair clip

-$1.36 in change

-A mini sugar skull pillow that smells like lavender (it soothes me and it super rad … AND makes my purse smell delightful)

-Zac Posen wallet that I got for a ridic price at a vintage store

-Cell phone

And there ya have it. Definitely not my most random components to ever exist in my handbag, but still a little off. Now what I’m looking forward to is seeing what is in YOUR purse. Let’s hear it ladies … and gents. I will not say no to hearing what is in a murse or a “satchel” if you will.

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