A Naked No-No

Photo credit: W Magazine
Photo credit: W Magazine

This is a public service announcement sponsored by a somewhat street-wise woman who knows better.

Ahem …

Rule number one of womanhood: NEVER. POST. NAKED. PHOTOS. OF. YOURSELF.

Never. Like never ever. I don’t care if you are a nudist, a person who is allergic to every kind of fabric there is, or someone who just loves their body and wants the rest of the world to love their body, too … don’t. do. it. God didn’t just create amazingly gorgeous pieces of clothing … or Marc Jacobs for that matter … for funsies, am I right?

The reason I’m ranting is because of the latest Scout Willis drama that went down yesterday. The girl took it upon herself to march around Manhattan topless in order to “stick it to Instagram’s nudity policy.” Jesus Christ … excuse me while I go bang my head up against the wall.

I’m in no way shape or form a prude. I would never classify myself as a “square.” And I’m pretty open minded when it comes to shit. But I’m also a realist. And the real fact is, when you share naked photos with a person … no matter what social media platform you are on … they will inevitably be seen by other eyes. Oh that cute boy from science class wants to see your taas? Just one pic, then he’ll delete it? Bull. Shit. Trust no one with your nudies. Because if you do, your life will, somehow, some way, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow … will be tarnished. OMG that amazing dream job interview you landed and are 100% qualified for? Yeah … that will be a dream come true! Your life will be amazing. Oh wait … not so fast, nudey mcgee. The HR department found a pic of you on the interwebs showing off all your giggly bits. And there goes the golden ticket. Seriously … who wants to go down like that?

So Scout Willis, maybe use your “celebrity” and take to the streets supporting a more prominent cause … yeah? Oh … I don’t know, like the 200 girls who got kidnapped by complete religious psychopaths, or the hundreds of missing people on that Malaysian airline that no one can find, and their mourning families that don’t have answers … perhaps the huge mental illness epidemic our country is suffering from, leading to numerous violent shootings … or maybe the next tragic weather disaster to strike anywhere. Literally. Anywhere. Because letting impressionable young ladies/and naive older ones know it is okay and should be okay to post naked photos of oneself on the interwebs is DEFINITELY something worth everyone’s time. So keep flower picking with your taas out on the streets of NYC. We all appreciate it.


Listen, do what you please. Let your freak flag fly. I’m not going to judge. But social media taking a stand and not allowing people to post these kinds of photos is a step in the right direction, because nothing good can come from them at the end of the day. Tip of the cap to you, social media channels. I mean hell … I don’t even like seeing my naked body in the mirror, let alone in my Instagram feed. Why the hell would I expose my Instagram followers to that nonsense? You’re welcome.

Alright … rant complete. Whew.

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