Sometimes I envy Kylie Jenner. And no, I SWEAR I have not gone mad.

The girl can literally wake up in the morning and say, “hey … I want blue hair!” Makes a quick phone call to her “glam squad” and with hours it is done and she is posting selfies of her new blue do on the Instagram looking all pensive and shit. There was no contemplation. There was no thinking about the consequences. There was no asking her friends what they thought. There was no thinking family members would disown her. She just did … because she can. Because if it ended up looking a hot mess, she has the power (and funds) to get it dyed back to normal the next day. Or if she gets bored with it she, again, has the power (and funds) to do the next hair big hair trend she is craving at that very second.

If I lived a “Kyle Jenner-esque” life, my hair would be a different color every week. And it wouldn’t be damaged because my “glam squad” would insure that it would stay healthy throughout the dying process. But, alas, Kris Jenner is not my mother (thank sweet Jesus). I don’t get paid thousands just to show my face at events, and brands aren’t begging my sister and I to throw our names across product lines for hipsters. I’m … ::: le sigh::: normal. To be a Kardashian or to be normal, that is the question.

Unfortunately I function in the “real world” where I have to ask myself questions before I do something drastic like dye my hair blue. Will I get fired? How will my family and friends react? Will people on the street look at me like I have 12 heads? Will I get fired? I know half of these concerns are just me being overly aware of what people think of me, and that is a personal battle (working on it every day), but I, unfortunately, whether it is just in my head or a real fear, cannot just wake up and dye my hair a random color. And quite frankly … it’s a bummer. Because like I said, my hair would be a different color every week.

Vidal Sassoon just came out with box dye for bright red, purple, or blue colors. I thought to myself, “finally … out-of-the-box hair colors are going mainstream … this is my chance!” Perhaps I could do the blue, and the blue would look more black then blue and wouldn’t be THAT shocking. Right? Buuuuuut after the DIY ombre disaster of 2013, I refuse to ever dye my hair something crazytown myself. Lesson. Learned. The hard way, of course.

To the ladies strutting down the street with ROYGBIV hair colors, I envy you and applaud you. I adore it, actually. No I refuse to not roll my eyes and say “bitch please” under my breath when you pass me out of sheer jealously … even though I kind of want to, but it would only be out of jealously, I swear. ROYGBIV hair for me is a bucket list item for sure, probably above bungie jumping (which would involve me overcoming my fear of heights … which is a WHOLE different story).