Over It: The Holiday Shopping Edition

dbf693e18b12758544247ddddc7b7592Listen, I’m not trying to be Scrooge. I’m not trying be all “ba-humbug” and shit. But my Gawd, this holiday shopping season kicked my ass. Hard.

I think it was because last year we had an extra week to shop. Now I’m sitting here kicking myself for not shopping online earlier and wondering how much I would actually pay for overnight shipping (I realized my limit would be $30 in shipping costs, which my non-holiday shopper self would explode if I ever had to pay that much).

Because shoppers out there are cray-cray, you guys. And quite frankly I’m over battling the slow walkers, the men who are deer in headlights walking around aimlessly, scared and confused, the people who refuse to move, even if you are breathing down their necks, and my favorite and yours, the children who are left unattended to run around like sugar high freaks as their negligent parents score that one last sale, getting in your way, and on your nerves.

I miss the days of shopping just for the hell of it. Randomly stumbling upon an amazing sale with a rack full of clothes chock full of sizes. Sigh … wasn’t it grand? When the lines for the register were 2 deep instead of 20, and the woman in front of you didn’t turn around and say something nonsensical like, “ha lines … right?” in an effort to build holiday lineships (line friendships … we’ve all done it. You are so bored waiting in line you actually want to talk to strangers).

I realize tomorrow is Christmas Eve, and I realize this nightmare of over heating in stores and dealing with complete assholes is almost over, but I just needed the world to know, I’m throwing in the towel. As much as I would love nothing more than to get everyone I know and love everything their hearts desire, I just cannot. I can’t do it. I tried. I gave it my best shot. But alas, I did as much as I could do. And I hope you will join me. The way I see it, after going to a bazillion stores, if I haven’t found the right gift yet, it most likely ain’t happening.

So let’s do it, shall we? Let’s throw our credit cards to the wind (well, no not really … maybe let them nap in your wallet …cyber theft is a bitch), roast some chestnuts … get all festive and shit. You know?

Enough with the madness. ::::and scene::::

One thought on “Over It: The Holiday Shopping Edition

  1. Like an idiot, I waited until this weekend to do my shopping. The mall wasn’t as bad as I thought, although the parking lot was terrifying. SCARY! I am grateful for Kohls for being open 24 hours…I went there this morning before work and finished grabbing a few items for my family. Thanks consumerism 😉 xoxox

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