I don’t know about you, but when I’m shelling out money to pamper myself, I expect relaxation to accompany it. Nails, hair, facials, massages … nothing is worse when you are expecting to not only get glammed out, but also get a little peace and quiet to find the most annoying human being on Earth had the same idea that day.

For some reason, whenever I decide to get my nails did (gel manicures are my jam), like I said, the most annoying individual on the planet is sitting within earshot of me with her BFF or, even worse, solo talking the ear off the poor person doing her nails.

Everyone is different when they go to the salon. Me? I like to not talk. Like at all. I go by myself. Relax. Maybe mindlessly watch whatever is on the TV across from me, politely interact with the person doing my nails here and there, then leave a little more zen then when I walked in. To me, that’s a successful trip to the salon.

So you can understand my annoyance as I’m sitting in the chair, getting my nails filed, listening to this unidentified woman talk her friends ear off about, “how she’s like, in fashion, but really does accounting and works with a lot of numbers, but still is in with the buyers like all day, but totally works in fashion, it just has a lot to do with numbers.” I think if I turned around and said, “WAIT … OMG DO YOU WORK IN FASHION?!” this girl would have passed out in sheer bliss … or hit me … either or. She really wanted everyone and their mom, AKA the 4 other people in the salon trying to mind their own business, to know she works in fashion, God dammit!

I could write a long, detailed story about this girl’s life, and it would be fair game since she was talking at a volume that people in space could probably hear. How drunk she got last year on New Years. Guys she’s hooked up with. Graphic details of cleanses she has completed, and other ones she wants to tackle in 2015. The hotties she likes in towns near by. How her and her mom share bandage dresses (seriously … what in the living fuck), and so on and so forth. Sigh.

By the time I left the salon, she was still gabbing away, and I wanted to harshly bang my head against the wall until I could erase what just happened. Mind fucked was an understatement. I felt dumb. They weren’t even intriguing stories that I wouldn’t mind listening to. They were stories that made me hate being a 20-something woman. Truly. And really made me take a deep long look into myself and wonder, “holy shit … do I sound like that?! Please, dear God, tell me I don’t sound like that.” What can I say, it was a bad, suburban, bootleg version of the Hills.

Listen, I’m not saying everyone has to be a perfectly quiet salon goer like yours truly :::hair flip:::, but what I am saying is be mindful of the people around you. For the love of God. You may think you are walking in the shadows of Lauren Conrad, and that EVERYONE needs to hear about it. But honestly, and I hate to hurt your feelings, but no one cares. Literally. No one. This isn’t a networking event. This is the salon. Where people go to get pampered. I know, I know, I sound like a huge ridiculous bitch right now and you probably hate me. I feel ya. Maybe I’m PMSing just a little … I don’t know. But it’s the truth.

If you like going to the salon with your friends to catch up, by all means, DO IT. Girl time is important. SUPER important. But think about the people next you. You know what? That should be an every day life rule, actually. Train, office, restaurant, store, salon … think about the person next to you. If you hit gold and find a person next to you who is kind of sort of in fashion, too, by all means, chat it up … in a whisper, though, please. Dear God. Please.

Thank you for listening to my rant.

AND SCENE :::star swipe:::