Stop, No: Confessions Of A Mom Jeans Hater

Topshop_MomJeans_LightBlueLucky for me, I’ve never had a mom that had cringe-worthy style. Never once did I catch her in a Micky Mouse vest, different holiday themed garments that lit up, or, the worst of all, mom jeans.

So this past weekend, when I saw about a handful of good looking ladies in their 20’s painfully trying to revive the 90’s rocking said mom jeans at bars, it kind of made me scratch my head in confusion. Is this a thing? Are we doing this now? All it took was a simple Google search to answer my question. Type in “mom jeans” and you notice Urban Outfitters has a whole page dedicated to them for purchasing at a ridiculous price. And certain fashion-related websites are calling them a “breath of fresh air from the jeggings craze.” Uuhhhhhh …

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People, why oh why are we rocking mom jeans? Seriously? Is it the elongated vagina look we are enjoying? Or perhaps it is the fact that we want our asses to look as horrific as humanly possible. Seriously, mom jeans give you 80’s ass. What is 80’s ass, you ask? Look at any music video/commercial/movie from the 1980’s and notice the ass … you’ll understand. Of course they will accentuate your tiny tiny little waist, but in return, you get pancake 80’s ass.

I get it, you’re sick of skinnies, and think bell bottoms have been done one too many times. But to resort to mom jeans is just deplorable. I get it, you love vintage and die for bringing trends back from the dead. But mom jeans were never a trend. Never. They are just something some woman found to be super comfortable as she carted her kids back and forth from soccer games and somehow it stuck.

Bottom line: Unless you are fashion week model stick figure skinny, you cannot pull this look off. And even if you are fashion week model stick figure skinny … you still look ridiculous. Let’s all get together and burn them, just in case. Sound good?

Now … what we all came to see, the lovely ladies of SNL in their mom jeans, am I right?

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