The day of the Met Gala, I felt a little bit like Cinderella … except I was sitting on a SEPTA train with freaks instead of in my attic with birds and mice, and instead of a fairy God Mother coming down and hooking me up with a hot dress and a prince and shit, I spent the evening of the Met Gala on my couch with my cat, popcorn and miniature Snickers stalking the Internet for the latest pics.

While I fear I will never be important enough to attend the Met Gala and rub shoulders with Beyonce and Anna Wintour … it does give me some ideas concerning goals inspired by the Met Gala that I can incorporate into my every day life. 

You gotta aim big in this life … or go home … or eat popcorn and miniature Snickers on your couch. Either or. So behold, some of my new life goals based on this week’s Met Gala. 

1. Have a dude carry my train around behind me slash make sure I will never EVER have a wardrobe malfunction, a la Beyonce (side bar: actually, let’s make this have a dude just walk behind me and carry EVERYTHING for me … have fun with my purse, bro)

2. Wear something that will become a meme … in a good way, a la Rihanna 

3. Look like an Oscar award had sex with Obi Wan Kenobi, a la Anne Hathaway

4. Be ballsy enough to basically walk out of my house with my giggly bits covered in diamonds, a la Kim Kardashian, Beyonce, J. Lo (but let’s be real B. Spears did this first at the 2000 VMAs)

5. The next time I’m eating popcorn and Snickers on my couch with my cat, pair that with a head dress that resembles flames for funsies, a la SJP

6. Walk around, hand-in-hand with the designer I’m wearing 

7. Rock a gown inspired by Cher … hello, Kim Kardashian, another check in the “I guess I do like you” column

8. Arrive somewhere over an hour late and not have people bitch at me and instead just start taking my picture, applaud me, and oogle over my outfit … a la Beyonce … again

9. Skin Cher and wear her in that swoon-worthy Marc Jacobs dress (or just have the ability to morph into Cher and be her in that dress next to Marc Jacobs … a little less morbid, don’t you agree?)

10. Figure out how to tape my taas into a plunging neckline, without having an epically monstrously wardrobe malfunction (oh hell, nip), a la Lady Gaga