A Rant On The Bachelorette

the-bacheloretteI can proudly say I’ve never become addicted to The Bachelorette or The Bachelor. I say that as I take a stride of pride (although I totally fell down the rabbit hole of Rock of Love and Shot of Love with Tela Tequila back in the day … so maybe I should simmer down)

Sure, the concept of the show is kind of enticing. A girl or guy gets to pick out of a plethora of “eligible” bachelors and bachelorettes to find eternal happiness? I mean, for me, that sounds like heaven, because I’m lazy and loathe the idea of going on dates. You basically get to put on a fancy dress, get all done up and just point at dudes and be like, “no, no, HELL NO, maybe, yes, yes, there’s no way in hell, no, no, no, meh why not.” Who WOULDN’T want to be the bachelorette?

But my problem is, it is no longer helping a girl or guy find happiness (or let me back up, was it ever?) It is now exploiting the faults of the people trying to win these idiots hearts by trapping them in a house with lots of booze and emotions and seeing what happens. It is like poking a hungry bear with a stick. “Ohh you have mommy issues … let’s bring up his mom, give him 10 shots and see what happens!” All of a sudden you see the pour sap vomiting on himself, tie around his head, and crying in the corner like, “why will NO ONE LOVE ME!” Jesus. Christ. 

Also, do tell, how can you really know you adore someone with the small amount of time these people get to spend with each other? It seems like after one encounter these contestants are all, “she’s the one. I KNOW she is.” Really? Or is ABC contractually making you say that? You literally just asked her if she is into adventures and if she likes jazz. Yeah, I wouldn’t call that building blocks to a long lasting relationship, kid. Could you imagine after the show is over, the shine has worn off, after the proposal happens LIVE … the awkwardness. “So … you … want to go the Chilis or something?”

And now, if things couldn’t get worse, we are putting two bachelorettes against each other and letting the “dashing” dudes participating decide who they would like to go after, and who they would send home? Is this real life? If I didn’t love my television so much, I would have punted it when I saw the commercial for this ridiculous show. Whomever is behind this shit clearly has no soul. 

People, let’s call this what it really is. You want to be famous, you don’t want to find love. This gig is up. You want to act a fool so much so that ABC says, “you’re our next idiot for whatever reality show we come up with.” Or you want to come up with the next infamous catchphrase that everyone will be talking about around water coolers across America. Or you want the clip of you vomiting on the Bachelorettes Manolos to become viral. Admit it. You don’t care about that skank standing in front of you. How could you? All you did was ask her her favorite color, stare at her tits a little, and make out. Yeah …

Whatever progress us women have made over the last 50 years is being violently dragged backward because of this show. If we’ve learned ANYTHING from reality television is that it is not the platform for “finding love.” I can safely say, my family, who is INSANELY liberal, would disown me if I went on this show. Hell I would disown me. 

For the smart, intelligent, amazing women reading this, please do not watch this idiotic show. Because dudes should never participate in choosing between two lovely ladies who they will then compete to steal their heart. I mean … I just almost vomited all over my laptop after writing that sentence. 

If I see you socially posting about it I WILL indeed unfollow you (that is a serious threat, oooooh are you scared?). I totally understanding needing to find a release and watch something where you can just drool and turn your mind off, but that is why God invented Bravo and E! Duh. Stop having “wine night” with your ladies to watch this rubbish. Just. Stop. 

Women rule!

One thought on “A Rant On The Bachelorette

  1. This is basically everything I feel about those stupid shows wrapped up in one post. I wrote about how dumb the show is a few years ago and I got a ton of hate comments on my blog. It was hilarious

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