While I usually do “Life Sucks In A Strapless Bra’s Favorite Things,” Oprah-style because … well … all hail Oprah, I decided to switch it up this year and offer more of a “gift guide.” 

There’s a little somethin-somethin’ for everyone. Even a few laughs for those of us who “ball on a budget” (I’ll give you a hint, it’s from Fendi). 

So I’ll shut up now while you indulge in the greatness of the very first EVER Life Sucks In A Strapless Bra 2015 Exhibit of Gifts. 

Jewelry Pouch: I don’t know about you, but when I travel my jewelry gets thrown into some random bag and ends up a tangled hot mess. So as a proclaimed jewelry whore, this is pure gold.

Journal: Fun fact about me, I heart stationary. Even more fun fact, I love swearing. Combine the two and you have the most fucking brilliant journal ever. 

Sticks + Stones necklace: I would sell my mother for this necklace. And I’ve said numerous times that if someone bought this for me (:::cough::: number 1 thing on my wish list :::cough:::), I would like to be buried in it (morbid, I know). AND Sticks + Stones is from Philly. Get on my neck, like NOW. 

Faux Motif Scarf: You know … for those times when PETA mistakes you for someone famous and attempts to throw paint on you.

Fendi Bag Charm: Alright everyone, let’s take a big ol’ cleansing laugh and publicly shame the idiots who would spend over $600 on a Fendi KEYCHAIN. A KEYCHAIN. I don’t care if Jesus blessed it … NO. But oh look, I found one for $10 WITH goggly eyes that looks exactly like the $640 Fendi one. Boom.

Wand Salt & Pepper Shakers: Because could there possibly be a more fun way to season your food?! I think not. Salt for everyone!

Zara heels: Yes I’m drooling … shut up … these heels are just that good. 

Good reads: I realize biographies aren’t everyone’s jam, but they are mine (especially ones by inspiring women), and here are a few fantastic ones that I read in like a day (yes that addictively good).

Erase Paste: I’ll say it again … this product is God’s gift to women. Now no one could ever tell you went on a bender last night! 

Anthropologie Glassware: If you’re going to drink wine, it should be out of something fancy. (I hope to one day see that quote on a teabag or something)

Christian Louboutin Lipstick: $90 is a little steep for lipstick, I know. But did you notice how insanely gorgeous the packaging is? And, if you can’t afford red Louboutin soles, red Loub lips are a great compromise.

Bracelet Flask: Because sometimes people get thirsty AND want to look stylish … okay. I can feel you judging …