When eating got old, and when drinking got old, and when watching every Chopped episode on the planet, followed by reruns of Keeping Up With The Kardashians I’ve seen 10,000 times got old … I resorted to tackling shit I’ve been putting off for millions of years. 

Organization. That’s what happens when you’re snowed in for over 48 hours.

I wasn’t incredibly smart when I bought my bed frame … meaning I bought it off of Craigslist because they discontinued it and I was stressed and losing my shit and NEEDED this damn bed frame … aaaand it was the only one of its kind I could find. But that’s neither here nor there. 

What I’m getting at is I don’t have under bed storage, which is idiotic considering I live in a small small space with ONE closet that a mouse couldn’t fit all their shit into.

So when I needed to put miscellaneous items … window fans, the box from my hair straightener I bought two years ago, my portfolio, seasonal gear, every birthday card I’ve ever received ever (why), I put it under my bed. Which then turned into a cluttered disaster area that was torturing my soul.

So I started there. Did I mention I also had a long flat piece of Tupperware under there that held the contents of my old desk? Uh huh.

It also held everything I ever acquired from all past jobs. Awards. Reviews. Inside jokes that are no longer relevant (but secretly warmed my cold heart), boxes of old business cards. WHY?! 

I also had a stupid amount of office supplies I bought whilst in college … because I felt a desk wasn’t complete without a stapler and a lifetime supply of paperclips in different colors (sigh). 

At first glance I decided that I was 100% an emotional hoarder. Yep. That happened. 

So what do you keep? You definitely DON’T keep the “Third Place” flag from an Olympics your old job held. Nope. You absolutely don’t keep black and white quotes from a 2012 calendar. Absolutely not. And that awesome light up plastic pint glass a friend gave you as a joke? Yep … that’s not necessary. 

Three trash bags and a lot of dust later, I was cleansed. My under bed Tupperware now consists of all my writing from college, office supplies perfectly stored in a zip lock WITHIN the Tupperware (yeah I went there), and CDs … because what the eff do you do with those? 

Then it was over to the hole known as my closet. I use this closet to store non-seasonal appropriate clothing … and coats … and old bridesmaids dresses … and hangers I’m not using … and shoes I kind of love but kinda don’t, but can’t get rid of just yet. (SHUT UP … I’m working on my issues, okay?!)

But honestly, do I need to save those salt-destroyed over-the-knee Steve Madden leather boots from 2013 that look like they got run over by a truck? No. 

What about the myriad of purses I have that don’t fit on my closet shelf due to the fact I’m CERTAIN they will one day come back in style and I’ll be a hero when I can pass them down to friends and family? Yeah. No.

So I did it. I threw away five purses. FIVE. And don’t get all up-in-arms that I didn’t donate them, NO woman deserves a purse in that condition. It looked like I stored them in the cushions of my couch as a fat person sat on them. 

I was kidding … FOUR trash bags later, and I was cleansed. Underneath my bed is an organized masterpiece. What? I need my long leather gloves … BOOM in the hat box. Oh? You need to borrow my teddy bear that has a sweater on that says, “I’m Loved”? RIGHT NEXT TO MY SMALLER TUPPERWARE OF SMALLER PURSES. YEAH, SUCK IT, BITCH!

In all seriousness, I do feel like this imaginary weight has been lifted off of me. Just knowing that non-essential shit is no longer clogging my energy gives me this weird peaceful feeling. 

SO GO … organize and let go of your non-essential shit. And if anyone needs to come hug my, “I’m Loved” teddy bear, you know where to find me, and I know where to find it … a-thank you. 

(I wasn’t messing around)