We are women (and potential gay men). We see Kim Kardashian rocking braided pig tails and all of a sudden, we NEED to rock braided pig tails. We try things. We (potentially) fail, and we look back a decade later and laugh. Life.
My list is … welp, rather interesting considering I grew up in a time when it was cool to rock jeans so low your vagina was basically hanging out (God bless Britney Spears).
So to make you feel better about all of the awful trend holes you fell into head first, here are some of mine that leave me wondering, (wh)Y?!!??!?!
Lime green tube top: I wore this beast under everything. It was like my weird safety blanket. In my defense, I have a stupidly long torso, and in the early 2000’s shirts just never covered all of it. So that was my solution? Nope … still awful.
Yep that is me in all my glory with the lime green tube top. Sigh.
Ties for belts: When I was a freshman in high school, I was pretty sure I invented this trend. And months later when J.Crew came out with tie belts, I was livid. Looking back, I’m MORE than happy to give J.Crew that credit. Take it all, bitch. Take it all.
Speaking of belts, I once wore 5 belts at once: One was sparkly. One was a pink ribbon. One was electric orange and studded. And I can’t really recall the heinousness of the others … but I guarantee you they were awful. What can I say, I was REALLY trying to get voted “most fashionable” my senior year. Can you believe I lost?!
Cutting the sides of my jeans for more flare: Apparently I felt my jeans didn’t have enough “flare” and didn’t “fit over my shoes well enough” so I cut them on the hem. My mother would spend her hard earned money on designer jeans for me, and I would cut them. I’m an asshole.
Juicy Sweatsuits: Yes … at one point or another I had the word “Juicy” slapped across my ass. You would think wearing sweats to school was awesome, but they were sheer torture. The pants came very close to exposing my vagina bone and my entire school probably saw my ass crack a dozen times a day. And the tops were made for toddlers who may or may not had aspirations to become strippers.
Chinese Slippers: Okay, I thought I was the shit when I bought these at the Pearl Market in NYC one summer, and rocked them to school like a boss. “Oh where did I get these? Just some really cool boutique in NYC you’ve never heard of :::hair flip:::.” They were pink. And glittery. And I remember wearing them to a Sweet 16 party. Good God, self.
Double Popped Collars: I had an identity crisis when I went to college, which was private, and super preppy. So yes, I made my mother take me to Hollister and Abercrombie, and I bought as many colorful Polos as I could find, and then proceeded to wear two at a time and pop both of the collars. My current self wants to take my 18-year-old self out back and beat her senseless.
Manolo Timbs: Bahaha I WISH. But no, I never rocked these, it’s just a funny thing to say, am I right?
Fake handbags: My mom and I would go to NYC in the summertime and kill it on Canal Street. This was during the time when there were no rules and store after store would have spitting images of designer bags hanging on the wall. No weird fake walls to go through, no following a strange man down the street into an alleyway for fake Louis Vuitton. They were just there. And I bought a lot of them. And I wore them everyday to school. How anyone bought that my mom, who worked at Burlington Coat Factory at the time, could afford to buy me so many designer bags that I could rock a different one every day is beyond me. I fooled them, huh?! Right guys …