You may want to throw shit at your computer screen after you read the next sentence, but … I hate Snapchat. Like a lot. I really do. 

Is the app downloaded onto my phone? Yes. Only because I want to “stay in the know” and not become an ancient tech dinosaur that says things like, “how do I subscribe to the interbweb?” But do I use the app? No. Well … unless I’m incredibly intoxicated. Or need that insanely amazing filter to make me look not so gargoyle-ish (you know which one … when even if you have 105 degree fever it still manages to make you look fantastic). 

The reason I loathe Snapchat is because I feel like it is turning everyone into a straight up narcissist in the worst way possible. 

A perfect example was when I was at a bar recently. Instead of drunk girls dancing, it was drunk girls Snapping. Groups of girls huddled close together, one holding her phone all the way out in the air, as they lip synced to that dumb ass song, “you ain’t gotta go to werk, werk, werk, werk, werk, werk, werk,” flipping their hair and seductively sipping their vodka sodas.

It was like:

Step 1. Take Snap video.

Step 2. Review it thoroughly.

Step 3. Re-do video because one girl doesn’t like it.

Step 4. Review video.

Step 5. Post video.

Step 6. Repeat steps 1-5.

There were some just solo Snapping, duck facing from different angles and bobbing her head seductively to the song, as her friends functioned around her. 

What in the living eff? Am I old or does this shit actually bring the boys to the yard now?  

Like I get it, you’re feeling yourself, you like your outfit … you want the world to see how good you look. Cool. Girl, do ya thang. But to spend a majority of the night on your phone in social media land? Yawn. 

There’s life happening while you’re busy face swapping (note to self: put that quote on decorative pillow). There are cute boys to be oogled. Their are hot messes to make fun of. Their are interesting conversations to be had with people. 

Correct, celebrities like Kim Kardashian spend like 98.9% of their day taking selfies and Snapchatting dumb shit in that irritating flower crown. Doing absolutely nothing but showing off their clev and being all, “guys I’m bored :::duck face … oops there’s my clev again:::

Kylie Jenner’s Snapchat makes me want to bang my head against the wall. It’s basically her just looking all weird and serious as she kind of lip syncs to some rap song. It makes me THOROUGHLY uncomfortable. Like why? 

Why? Because I believe they are getting paid to do this. If someone said to me, “hey Kate, I’m going to throw you a thou to take Snapchat videos of you rocking my new lip color,” I would be like SOLD. I will duck face til the fucking cows come home, bro. 

But most of us, upon contrary belief, are not Kardashians. And we aren’t getting paid to drink at a bar. And if you are, I hate you … a lot. Therefore if you aren’t being paid, maybe put your phones down and stop Snapping whilst out in public. Make eye contact with people. Keep your phone in your purse for a new minutes … GASP (I know, I know, I’m totally addicted to my phone, too, it would be next to impossible, but worth a shot?) Drunk wine night in with the gals? Well Snap your faces off, kids.

I know I sound like a dusty old rag of a woman who is all waving her cane and yelling sentence fragments about technology, but after seeing the Snap clones all transformed into giraffe’s or pumpkins or whatever the hot filter of the day is, I had about enough.

INSTAGRAM FORVER!