Thought Bubbles On The Oscars

March 3, 2014.Reading time 3 minutes.

Does anyone else have a Ross Matthew’s hangover? I mean, my God. Never once have I ever turned off a red carpet, but alas last night it happened. I’m going to keep this short and sweet since literally everyone and their mama is discussing the Oscars today, so here are a few of my random thought bubbles on last night’s awards … ahem:

1. Men shouldn’t wear white tuxedos, especially men hosting a red carpet and interacting with movie stars who are more spray tanned and bronzed then they have ever been in their entire life. What’s next? Bringing back the cummerbund?

2. E! needs to revamp the red carpet coverage. Completely. No more Mani Cam. No more asking stars ridiculous questions like, “so like what are your plans after the show.” Umm go to a fancy party with fancy people and eat and drink fanciness, duh. We get it. And finally … Ross Matthews shouldn’t be allowed ANY caffeine or stimulants before going on air. You know what, just remove him from the equation completely.

3. I kind of love the fact that Lupita looked like she was chilling on the beach all day and just decided to put on this flowing masterpiece of a Prada dress, top it off with a headband (PS. they totally made a comeback last night), and rock the red carpet. She also invented her own color. Umm hi. Bow. Down.

4. Jared Leto needs to marry me. He just doesn’t know it yet.

5. Back to Seacrest for a moment, it really bums me out to know I wouldn’t be able to fit into his tuxedo jacket. Fat guy in a little coat.

6. Back to the red carpet, let’s not have reality star’s like Kristin Cavalleri commenting on the looks, kay? She isn’t a credibe source … like not even a little, for crying out loud. Just because she knows how to pronounce “Lanvin” doesn’t mean she knows how people should wear it.

7. Throw stuff at me for this, I don’t care, but I’m over J. Law. We get it, you fall, you aren’t cut out for the red carpet. You only wear Dior. You’re awkward. You say crazy things. Blah, blah, blahbity blah. ::::Snoozing:::::

8. Ellen wins for best tuxedo of the evening. She also wins at life for making Brad Pitt hand out paper plates.

9. The following trends made me drool, in no particular order: Long sleeved gowns, neutrals, and headbands.

10. And if I had the opportunity to knock out any of these movie stars and steal their dress, here is who I would choose:

Wind Back Wednesdays: Old School Oscar Fashion

February 26, 2014.Reading time 3 minutes.

Did you know there was a time when red carpets weren’t cluttered with annoying entertainment reporters asking idiotic questions and making movie stars do ridiculous things like walk their hands down the “Mani Cam” and make themselves look like fools in the “360 Cam”? GASP … I know, right? Can you imagine Audrey Hepburn jumping in mid-air in the “360 cam”? Umm no. I imagine she would have told Guiliana Rancic, “Sorry darling, my one of a kind dress just isn’t made for absurd things of such. Perhaps another time, yes?” :::flings mink stole over her shoulder:::

Sometimes I feel like our minds won’t go beyond 1970. For the young generation upon us … what are they calling them, like Generation Z squared or something? You know the ones who were handed an iPhone instead of a bottle (ba dum CHICK) THANK YOU I’LL BE HERE ALL NIGHT! No but seriously, we are stuck on what Nicole Kidman wore in 1995 and the smashing, yet scandalous, dress Halle Berry wore to accept her award in 2002.

You know what? I’m taking it back, WAY back, to 1940’s. Oh yeah. When women wore proper gloves and to-die-for mink stoles. When the glamor of REAL Hollywood thrived. When actresses weren’t going for the shock factor, but instead appreciated a divine dress that made them radiate from the inside out. Conservative? Yes. Timeless? Absolutely. But let me tell you, the main question on the red carpet wasn’t, “who are you wearing?”

There is something to the simplicity of these looks that just make them that more spectacular and something to emulate. We are so used to thigh high slits and crazytown hairstyles that we forget sometimes that a slicked back chignon and a red lip will have that same wow-factor.

These women weren’t just iconic, but I believe they defined true beauty. And the sad part is the farther away from the year they won the Oscar, the more we tend to forget about them. Well not up in here … NOT … up in here.

Below I would like to pay homage to the real women of the Academy Awards. Who had real bodies, a handsome man on their arm (hello, Frank Sinatra … rar. Sigh … they just don’t make gentlemen like that anymore), and appreciated the beauty of true fashion.

Natalie Wood 1955