Apple Watch: Not Allowed At My Arm Party

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There have been so many moments in my life where I’ve either laughed/made fun of a new product and/or vowed I would never use it. And many moons down the road, I have had to eat my words as I joyously indulged in said product. I have no shame in my game.

Like the iPhone, for example. I wanted to punt the idea of touch screen. I talked so much shit on touch screens, Apple should have been like, “nope … and zero iPhones for Kate Concannon, bye,” when I went to purchase my first one. 

And now … I shall hate on the Apple Watch. I assume in a couple months or years if I am given the option of sacrificing my first born or keeping my Apple Watch, I will have to painfully say goodbye to my child (kidding … duh … …), but for now, I’m hatin’ … abbreviation and all. 

When I was hatin’ on touch screens when the iPhone came out, it was still a phone. Something we ALL need to communicate with one another (at least I believe that is what Alexander Graham Bell had in mind … boom history). The Apple Watch, well, in my opinion, was made strictly because uber rich people ran out of crazy ass gadgets and needed something new to oogle over. And tech nerds. Don’t forget the tech nerds. 

For the average gal like me, I have no purpose to bring an Apple Watch to my arm party. I already over communicate with everyone and everything in my life with being on every social media channel ever created (exaggeration), so why in bloody hell do I need ANOTHER avenue to do so?! I won’t sleep! Disconnecting would be virtually impossible.

They are basically telling me to strap the stress of my life onto my wrist. When you don’t want to look at texts/email, you throw your phone in your purse, right? Now if you text a boy/girl you “like,” you literally have to stare at your wrist waiting for him/her to respond, unless you tie your hands around your back … but my God. MADNESS, ladies, MADNESS! Self control is out the window. I would lose my shit, and end up punting the thing across the room. Or at least ritualistically burning it. 


And can we talk about dinner etiquette? I think it is beyond rude when people are on their phones at dinner or out for cocktails (unless work shit is going on or an emergency, whatevs). Now you have no choice but to look at your wrist when that thing starts blinking and being all, “LOOK AT ME … HI … HI … IT’S YOUR APPLE WATCH … YOU HAVE AN EMAIL! OVER HERE! EMAIL!” It’s like an annoying kid pulling on your coattails. 


Cool idea? Totally. Who doesn’t want to pretend they are Inspector Gadget. And props to the PR guru who gave Beyonce an Apple Watch so she could style it and Instagram rocking it. Genius idea, hell, it even made me consider getting one for a split second, because, you know, whatever Beyonce does we all HAVE to do, am I right? 

But my wrists are only open for business to shiny things that don’t stress me out, stylish pieces of medal, diamonds … and the occasional temporary tattoo. Sorry Apple Watch … there are many MANY a designer good ahead of you for me to obtain.


I have a Dell laptop in my life … but luckily my personal laptop that I spoon, caress and love unconditionally happens to be a Mac. Last night I found myself writing a blog post on my Dell, but missing the ease of dragging a picture to my desktop and hitting three simple buttons to take a screen shot. So I switched back to good old Apple Land … a piece of machinery that keeps me sane … and stops me from punting my Dell across the room. At this moment, I thanked Steve Jobs.

Yes, the man revolutionized the industry and made it extremely chic to be considered a genius and a computer nerd all at the same time. His technology had a chain reaction throughout almost every industry … even the fashion industry. And when Walkmans and Discmans and headphones turned into iPods and ear buds, the sporty spices out there needed a place to put them while working on their fitness.

And that is when certain garments were made specifically with a place for you to put your Apple technology so you didn’t have to stick it in your cleavage or in your waist band hoping for the best (not that I did that or anything …). iClothing made it possible to work out and listen to She Bangs by Ricky Martin without having to hold the iPod, because it is so cumbersome and all, have wires strangle you or have it fall out of your pocket interrupting your workout. Specific pockets that fit almost every iPod size were being sewn into bras, hats, sleeves of t-shirts and even sneakers, revolutionizing the activewear lines all because of how popular an Apple product was. I never saw Nike sewing huge, industrial sized pockets to fit a Walkman back in the 80’s now did I?

So thank you, Steve for making a gadget so cool that actually made me want to go out and buy it so I would get off my ass and be able to “listen to music at the gym,” a.k.a. I said buying an iPod would make me want to go to the gym more, but I really just wanted a cool piece of technology. I do believe there WERE smart people out there who ACTUALLY bought an iPod and ACTUALLY got their fitness on so much that the activewear industry saw this and in an effort to get those iSporty Spices to buy their clothing, made pieces that fit this uber cool piece of technology, in essence, making them Steve Jobs’ bitch.

Donatella Versace, Karl Lagerfeld, Steve Jobs.

Rest in peace.