Cardigans: The Bane Of My Existence

il_fullxfull.315152351Whenever I think of “cardigans” I think of the band from the 90’s that sang that song, Love me, love me, say that you’ll love me …”, which was also in the movie Romeo and Juliet, which, besides Titanic, is where I fell head over heels for Leonardo DiCaprio. But that is neither here nor there. 

Cardigans, the actual piece of clothing, not the band, have become the bane of my existence. Summertime is so lovely for us chicks because when in doubt? You throw on a dress, a statement necklace, some gladiators, hair in a high pun, a popping lip color and you’re out the door. But no. Apparently exposing your shoulders has become as inappropriate as walking around butt naked in public. Enter stream of cardigans stage right.

While yes, some cardigans are cute and trendy and timeless … others I just want to kick in the face and be like, “GROW A PAIR!” (i.e. anything Lilly Pulitzer). Like everyone should own a simple black cardigan … that’s a given. It’s a staple that will work with anything and everything. A cardigan embroidered with pink roses? Die.

But if you aren’t going “clubbing,” chances are you are going to work or a work-related event and therefore need to cover up those inappropriately exposed shoulders with something. Am I right? Not to mention offices rarely ever have the temperate controlled properly. It is either Antartica or the Sahara desert, so layers are most-likely a must. And the only solution, REALLY … is a cardigan. Because they are so God damn light weight and perfect. GOD I loathe them.

I love my dresses, especially the new ones I’ve scored this season. I really do. If I could kiss them and it wouldn’t be considered weird, I would. But having to throw a cardigan over them makes me really angry and want to yawn all at the same time. It’s like putting ketchup on steak (not that I eat steak, but I hear that is a big no-no), it’s like, “STOP … what are you doing, you’re ruining it … idiot!” 

Cardigans, for me, take the edge off of any cool dress I own. The minute I put one on, I go from Niaomi Campbell strutting her stuff down the street, to little miss meager bopping along with my hair in pigtails.

I’ve even tried wearing them differently. Instead of actually wearing wearing it, I just threw it over my shoulders 1950’s style. But that just gets annoying as it continuously falls off my shoulders and I have to awkwardly reach around my back to retrieve it. It’s not pretty.

People, why are we so opposed to exposing our shoulders in the summer? I get it, for me, a person who does have a back tattoo … the tattoo itself may be offense (even though it says blessed in Italian for crying out loud). But I mean, get over it. As long as you don’t look like a porn star and have your taas all out and about for the world to see, or exposing your entire back, I think a tasteful spaghetti strap dress sans cardigan is a-okay.

Look, I don’t want to offend people nor be looked at as a scandalous skank for exposing too much skin, but if I don’t have to go buy different cardigans that match my dresses that are tasteful but expose my shoulders JUST because I have to, not because I want to, that would be truly an amazing thing. I hate buying shit I don’t want to buy. I HATE IT. And cardigans … well … that is numero uno.

Down with cardigans, I say, down with them!

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