SKIRT EXTENDER! [Insert theme music and maybe a star swipe for funsies]
Sorry, it is just in my nature to write an infomercial script when I come up with outlandish … but fantastic … ideas such as this one.
So I’ve discussed how for a woman like myself who is 5’9 … it is close to impossible to find a dress that will cover your ass cheeks at Forever 21. And if you did happen to find one, give it three to four washes before that thing is at mid-ass length. Trust. I actually found one, a fantastic one as a matter of fact at Forev Twent. It was like striking GOLD. But after a wash, even though I didn’t put it in the dryer… the length was starting to get a bit questionable.
Listen, you can try to justify it all the damn day long. You do the grade school arm trick and if your finger tips touch the end of your skirt you are good to go. Really? First of all I have long arms and long fingers … does that mean I’m supposed to dress like a nun? I think not. And you can shimmy and fidget throughout the day trying to make it longer than it is, but quite honestly it is exhausting and very unbecoming to have to do that every time you get up or walk anywhere. And then you think to yourself, I don’t have to bend over today … right? But you’ll forget that your skirt is borderline hooker-esque and bend over, making you then the mayor of Hookerville.
So this is when I invited “Skirt Extender.” It is not patented, you can’t run to CVS or Walgreens to buy it … and it is not $19.99. This is something you can DIY the shit out of. Take that $19.99 and buy yourself two cocktails and instead look in your closet and find any short, somewhat tight, skirts that you wouldn’t mind slipping underneath a dress and have the hemline hang out. Pair it with your shorty mcshort-short dress and all of a sudden, your dress has been extended and you no longer will be considered the mayor of Hookerville! Ta-da!
I use this black banded skirt. It isn’t like Leger banded, much looser if anything. But it comes to about two inches above my knee and is how I invented Skirt Extender. I was desperate to wear my questionable Forev Twent dress … and instead of tossing it, I decided to dig into my innovation. Not only that, but the Skirt Extender acts as “Spanx” too, add some layers over any unsightly bumps and what-have-yous.
The genius behind it all is that you can’t tell you are wearing a skirt underneath your dress at all … if you do it properly. It just looks like a solid band of color at the bottom of your dress, not matter if it is patterned or not. A friend of mine actually took the Skirt Extender to the next level by pairing a navy dress and putting a flowy, pleated white mini skirt underneath it. I gotta say, this was Skirt Extender 2.0. Feel free to mix textures, colors … play with it. The key is to not have people know you are actually wearing a dress AND a skirt.
I bet you are thinking, “has she heard of this crazy thing called a slip?” Yeah … shut it. Slips are fab and quite frankly in this day and age, used if you are wearing something sheer and don’t want to show the world your jiggly bits, if you ask me. And it is an age-old “no-no” to have your slip showing. FOR SHAME.
So adopt Skirt Extender so you can indulge in all of those inappropriately short, yet fantastic dresses at F21! Haha short people … we win this one!