Hey Everyone … Come See How Good I Look

There is nothing better than shopping with girlfriends. Getting opinions, laughing at ugly clothes, laughing at others. I mean just like boys have “locker room talk” we most definitely have “dressing room talk,” or so I would like to believe. Only once in a blue moon do I enjoy going shopping by myself because … quite frankly … I make some really heinous clothing decisions when certain people aren’t there to tell me, “No Kate … just … no.”

But while shopping with my best friend recently, she brought a very valid fact to my attention. So we were in Forever 21 and I found this great polka-dotted dress. Now, we all know how I feel about Forever 21 and dresses. Basically for girls like me who are 5’9 and curvy … well … it just doesn’t work out. I want it to desperately, but I usually end up look like a dime store hooker who shouldn’t be let out in public. But regardless, I try these things on in hopes that I won’t look like a dime store hooker. So I tried this dress on with my fingers crossed and too my amazement, it actually covered my ass and was actually kind of cute.

So I of course beckoned my friend to come take a look since I was a little concerned that it was a bit too tight, but she reassured me that it wasn’t … after I asked her a million times. “Are you sure?” “Yes, Kate.” “No seriously, do I look fat?” “No Kate.” “But I feel like it is a little tight, could I wear this to work?” “You don’t look fat, and yes Kate, you could.” “Seriously?” “Yes, get the damn dress!” But the whole time while I was having this ridiculous conversation, I was staring at myself in the mirror checking out the dress from all sides, but mostly … well … from the side. And that is when my friend brought this to my attention. Every girl does that. When looking at themselves in a new piece of clothing, we always turn to the side first to check it out. Why? It is so odd. I know for me it is like a reflex to check myself out from the side. It is like the go-to stance … am I the only one who does this?

I’m not one to spend hours in a dressing room. I either know it looks good or I don’t and I move on. But it was a very interesting observation to notice that I always turn to the side to observe a garment before buying it. Perhaps it is to see my curves and to make sure my giggly bits are all in place … who the hell knows. It is like a dressing room dance. Turn to the right, press the fabric down, look, turn the left, press the fabric down again … look. Stand to the front with your hands on your hips … look. And again, turn to the right, wiggle around in the dress a bit until the decision is made.

Not to mention all the crazytown things that go through your head when you are contemplating buying a garment. “I kind of like this.” “It is a little tight, but I feel like I could make it work.” “Maybe I should wear a slip with this.” “Who am I kidding, I look like a cow.” “But this dress does make me feel really good.” “I would totally regret not buying this.” “Do I look like a skank …  I totally look like a skank.” “Do polka dots make me look fat, I mean they kind of look flattering, but am I kidding myself.” “This would be such a go-to dress for a night out in the city.” “I definitely couldn’t wear this to work … unless I wanted to make some sort of statement, but would people judge me?” “Eff it … I’ll buy the damn dress … it’s $13 for christ’s sake!” “I should probably get spanks … but how much do spanks cost? Spanks aren’t cute … no spanks.”

So ladies, if you find yourself in a dressing room doing the dance and having all these crazytown thoughts … know you aren’t alone. And quite frankly, turning to the side … well … I’m going to tell myself that it is a good angle to check yourself out in. My theory, you know within 10 seconds of trying something on if you love it. If you have to think about it and or talk yourself into buying it, then you don’t need it. Plain and simple. With most things in life, go with your gut.

In other news, I feel like I should make a Ru Paul-esque music video about the dressing room dance. Sachey. Chantey. ::::Z snap::::

Bring Your Dressing Room A-Game

Today was the first day it actually felt like fall, in fact my hands were so cold that I’m pretty sure if some unfortunate soul had to shake my hand, they would think, “hey maybe I’m shaking hands with a vampire.” Regardless, I LOVE this chilly weather, but it calls for new fall clothes immediately.

And the malls get the cold memo instantaneously and feel the need to crank the heat up to make it feel like Satan’s den. So in order to have a successful shopping trip without having a panic attack or heat stroke, there are certain things one must wear and not wear to win this battle.

And honestly, women’s fitting rooms are a jungle. If you go to a quaint little boutique … sure, elegant sales attendants will be there to offer you champagne in beautiful suits with chic techno music playing at a relaxing pitch as you walk into your all white dressing room with a plush white chair for you to sit on if need be. But hey, most of us find ourselves in the seventh circle of Hell, a.k.a. the Forever 21 dressing room, where there are millions and millions of fashion hungry women with numerous things to try on (even though you can only bring in six pieces at a time). Babies are crying (why?!), teenagers are going wild because Susie TOTALLY stole the dress Molly was going to wear to the dance … that bitch, women are having personal conversations WAY too loud, the top 20 station is blasting at unnatural levels, it is a 1000 degrees … and then there is me. Deep breathing in my tiny little dressing room, sweating and trying to avoid a panic attack all the while focusing on getting the HELL out of there as quickly as possible.

So what should you wear to get in and out of these heinous dressing rooms as quickly and efficiently as possible?

1. Leave All Jewelry at Home- Sure we all want to act like we are on Rodeo Drive, glamorous and shopping with our girlfriends. But honey, bracelets, necklaces and big chunky rings get caught on everything adding more time onto your dressing room experience.

2. Comfy is Key- I am a big supporter of wearing leggings whilst shopping. They slip on and off very easily and sometimes you can even leave them on with certain things and still get the real impression of the look. Being fancy will get you nowhere, no one cares. Leggings are chic and easy. Period.

3. No Boots, For The Love, NO BOOTS- Unless you are shopping in Antarctica, NEVER wear boots while shopping. You’ll end up having to sit on the floor of a disgusting dressing room trying to rip them off (if they don’t have a zipper), which will make you hot and bothered before you even get started. They are stuffy, cumbersome and unnecessary, stick to chic flats.

4. Dress in Layers- You don’t always need to strip down to your skivvies to try things on, so wear a long sleeve shirt with a neutral tank underneath. That way you can just slip off the shirt and try things on with your tank.

5. Leave Your Coat in The Car- I promise you the walk from your car to the mall in the cold won’t kill you. And when you get in, a heat wave will most likely smack you in the face, so if anything, wear a cardigan that will be WAY easier to cart around with you if you get a little toasty.

6. An Oversized Purse Will Be Your BFF- Throw some water in there, some granola bars, your iPod and whatever other survival supplies you will need. A big purse will also be great for throwing in a cardigan or loose shopping bags so you don’t have to juggle 50 things while shopping.

7. There Isn’t A “One Time Only Visit” Rule in a Dressing Room- When you walk into a store, we all are guilty of getting overly excited and scooping up everything and anything to try on, but do it in shifts. Pick up five to eight things, try them on, sift through the crap, then go back out for round two. No one will judge and it will create a less chaotic visit.