A Real Girl Showed Up At The Oscars … GASP!

CaptureYes, I was one of those crazed freaks that watched the entire Oscars last night. I can’t help it, I’m just desperately waiting for the 2013 version of “Soy Bomb” to run on stage and do something crazytown. Alas, nothing of the sort happened … yawn.

But I came to realize something last night. And that something was … that I want Jennifer Lawrence to become my new best friend. I’m not even going to call it a girl crush, because it is so not like that (and my girl crush at the moment is Jessica Chastain … durh). But seriously, I either want to invite her over for a slumber party where we get drunk in sweats and watch Adam McKay movies and laugh and prank call Bradley Cooper and have her describe what making out with him is like. Or I want to hang out with her at a hole in the wall bar that only accepts cash where we can see how many guys we can get to buy us drinks and laugh at drunk people.

She is a breath of fresh air to “the industry” and literally the antithesis of Anne Hathaway. I used to love Anne Hathaway, until she started giving acceptance speeches and vomming pretentious nonsense. “It finally came true … eeeeeeee!” We get it, your mother played the same role you did in Les Mis, you started out as a Princess Diary, all you’ve ever wanted was to be an actress … raaaaaa. And then … the winner was J. Law, who literally fell on her face walking to the stage because she was probably so shocked slash excited … and my God who in the right mind could ACTUALLY walk in that dress?! Now THAT is what I’m talking about. Why? Because that is something I SO would have done!

We here at Life Sucks In A Strapless Bra, and by we I mean I, are all about keeping it real. Strapless bras and strapless dresses aren’t comfortable nor do they stay up …, as we saw all last night with numerous starlets shimmying up strapless frocks, and wearing couture gowns and walking in 5 inch toothpicks with no support is no easy task. And yes … sometimes, we get stains on our shirts, and would rather get down with a cheese steak rather than a salad, and when we fall, we may or may not drop the eff bomb over and over. But hey, these are the cold hard realities of being a chick nowadays. The days of wearing proper white gloves are out the door. Not because I don’t want to be proper, I actually find it a very romantic trend, but because if I wore said white gloves, I would probably have orange Cheetos stains all up in them … and that’s a little gross, right?

Clearly Anne Hathaway has paid for an invisible stain shield to form around her at all times. And how much do you want to bet she keeps viles of perfection in her alphabetized pantry? And then there is J. Law who had no problem rolling up to Seacrest and complaining about how starved she was. She fell in front of every large and in charge movie star AND anyone watching on TV while going to get her Oscar and managed to bust out a very sincere and eloquent acceptance speech without making fun of herself too much, but at the same time not turning a blind eye to the fact that she just bit it. I would have been purple with embarrassment and probably drooling. So thank you for making America realize … females like Anne Hathaway at the Oscars … don’t exist in real life. They just don’t.

And a girl who eats a cheese steak before the Oscars is one that needs to be my new BFF. Let’s be the new Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie … you know, except less … umm … yeah … not. Come on, please? J. Law … ma girl! Okay cool … call me! Or should I call you? You know what you’re probs busy … whatever :::awkwardly laughs::: silly me … I’ll just wait by the phone.


Ps. Don’t feel bad … look at Carrie Bradshaw. She fell IN Dior … you fell while wearing Dior. Whatevs. Also, she fell on the New York Fashion Week runway wearing Dolce … so yeah … you win. I don’t care if Carrie Bradshaw isn’t real … you still win. Now can we be BFF’s?