My Self Diagnosed Shopper’s Remorse

Buyers-RemorseI love clothes and accessories. I luhve um. I luhve um. I LUHVE um :::kicks leg up in the air::: What lady doesn’t? If I could take home everything I try on and lust after, I would. But alas, :::sigh::: … I would be living in a van down by the river.

You know those commercials for diseases or illnesses on TV? “Do you feel tired? Weak? Like you can’t get out of bed? Take :::fill in name of drug here::: for relief! Side effects may include bleeding from the eyes, toes, and finger nails. See your doctor for any complications.” I would love to make a PSA or something for a little thing that I’m personally plagued with known as “Shopper’s Remorse.”

“Do you love shopping? Do you lust after clothes :::showing a girl getting excited over a new blouse, and giving a cashier her credit card, jumps in mid-air in excitement over purchase::: But after you purchase the item, does the price tag make you filled with fear? Anxiety? Self-loathing? :::shows girl scratching her head curled up in the fetal position with visible signs of anxiety::: Then you may be suffering from Shopper’s Remorse. But with this quick pill, you will no longer feel anything but happiness over your new purchases! Side effects include skin tone changing to green, balding, and extreme rage.

Yeah, if only there was a pill for Shopper’s Remorse. I would be a happier, less stressed out person. Yes, I would even risk the side effects of becoming the Incredible Hulk. Because most times when I shop, no matter if I scored an amazing deal, or just broke the bank, I will leave that store freaking out over how much money I spent. It’s insane. I’m a crazy person, I know. “Did I spend too much money? I totally spent too much money. OMG I’m broke. Wait, no I’m not. But I should return this shit, I don’t need it. But I love it. I just won’t buy lunch this week.” AHHH.

For example, once I was roaming through Nordstrom Rack and found Marc by Marc handbag, that was gorgeous, marked down to like $80. When I stopped thinking I was getting punk’d, or that the handbag had a string attached to it and if I attempted to pick it up, someone would move it, I think I texted everyone in my contacts list asking if I should buy this bag. Now yes, $80 is a good chunk of change. BUT the original price of the bag was like $400 (it was a refurbished bag, meaning someone bought it and returned it, and there was NOTHING wrong with it … it was gold). Any normal human soul would have already been home with it, stroking it and doing a happy dance. Me, well, I was sweating, pacing back and forth, waiting for my friends and family to text me back to tell me to purchase the handbag … dumbass. I did. Thank Jesus. But not without being PLAGUED with Shopper’s Remorse.

Hell, I get Shopper’s Remorse when I buy two pairs of sandals from Forever 21. FOREVER. 21. What. Is. Wrong. With. Me. It happens almost every time I shop. Sure, some may say I’m cost conscious and concerned about my spending, but that isn’t it. I think apart of me just hates spending money. OH-EM-GEE, am I cheap?!

Regardless, if you suffer from Shopper’s Remorse, I feel your pain. We can curl up in the fetal position and drool all over ourselves until anxiety consumes our entire bodies together … but at least we’ll have fantastic style, am I right? UP TOP!