Temperature Tantrums

lady-gaga-madThis kind of weather makes me want to bang my head against the wall. Don’t get me wrong, I’m thoroughly jazzed that it is fall. I truly love me some fall. But these up and down temps make me want to punt Mother Nature in the face … just a little.

When it started to take a turn for fall a week and a half or so, I happily started my hunt for my winter wardrobe, because it seems every new season when I look back at my previous year’s wardrobe, I have nothing. (why is that?) But regardless, I bought some light weight sweaters, some pants … and slowly but surely started to put my dresses and short shorts in storage.

But wait, what happened over this past weekend? Oh that’s right, the death rattle of summer. When all I wanted to do was eat chicken noodle soup and douse myself in leather and fur, the temperature spikes to over 80 degrees, and all of a sudden my air conditioning is back on and I’m rocking a maxi dress, craving water ice. What in the holy hell?

Nothing is worse when you wake up and know when you travel to work it will be a chilly 60 degrees, then as the day grows old, the temperature will reach 80 degrees and you are thinking, what do I wear? Over the past week and a half, my closet looks like it got sick to its stomach all over my room because when I get home from work all sweaty and such, I throw on shorts and a tank, then after an hour, I cool off and get a bit chilly and need to change into sweats and a t-shirt. Not to mention dressing for work is impossible. Today I wore a light cotton t-shirt dress with gladiator sandals up to my knee. Umm what?

If only I could do quick costume changes at work for different temperatures. I suppose that is what dressing in layers is for. But how annoying? Coat in the morning when walking to the train in case you get cold. Cardigan at work, since the AC is still on, and it will be cold as balls, and a light t-shirt under the cardigan for when you run errands over lunch and get all hot and bothered.

You can tell I am not the only one confused on what to wear right now. Walking through the city, if you weren’t aware that it was technically fall, you would have absolutely no idea what season it was. Some girls are still rocking short shorts, tanks, and sandals. Other girls don’t give a fuck and are rocking oversized boyfriend cardigans, tights, and over-the-knee boots, and some girls are wearing long sleeved dresses, coats, with sandals (hi, that is me … because I’m confused and rather annoyed).

I personally despise being hot, so I haven’t given my boots their first stroll this season, because there is nothing worse than sweating to death in over-the-knee boots. But quite frankly that is all I want to do. I want to not be a hot, sweaty mess when I get into work and when I get home … and sometimes randomly in between. I don’t want my hair to look frizzy and poofy the minute I step out the door until the minute I lay my head on the pillow. I want over-the-knee boots, sweaters, tights, faux leather, faux fur. I want these 80 degree temps to go back to where the came from. No more death rattle. No more sweating. No more confusion over what to wear.

So if you are suffering because of all this up and down weather nonsense, you aren’t alone, kids, you aren’t alone. We’ll get through this together. Because in a mere month we will probably want to punt Mother Nature in the face for polar vortex-like temps. I mean are we EVER happy?


Global Warming Doesn’t Dictate …

… what I wear. Say it with me now … global warming doesn’t dictate what I wear. Okay, so I live in the Northeast, for those few readers who might not live in said area. So usually, in the land of normal that no longer exists, we don’t endure hurricanes, snow on Halloween, and we most certainly do not have 60 and above degree temperatures in December.

Usually this time in December, I’m trying to invest in another coat, checking to see how much snow the silly weather people say we are going to get (and then I subtract 5 inches) and hot chocolate feels like heaven whilst decorating the Christmas tree … but this year, not so much. Whilst decorating the tree at work today, I literally wanted to rip off my blazer (but couldn’t for I was wearing an inappropriate tank top underneath … blast) and the site of hot chocolate made me feel so uncomfortable I wanted to die. What in the HELL is going on?!

It just doesn’t feel like Christmas. I’m sorry, while driving to work in a ridiculous rain storm that lasts all day in a nice muggy 62 degrees while listening to Bing Crosby singing about chestnuts roasting on an open fire doesn’t feel right. You know what else doesn’t feel right? My winter coat, or my over the knee boots, or my scarfs and gloves, or my fur-trimmed sweaters that I’ve accumulated expecting … oh I dunno, WINTER. I wanna scream, I really do.

It is December for crying out loud. December. Well sorry, “global warming” I refuse to get on my knees and surrender to you, no matter how uncomfortable I may be. I’m over dressing in layers to go along with the fall weather guessing game of it being 70 degrees during the day and 30 degrees at night. Done. And so far, I feel like the people I see on a day-to-day basis agree. Amen people, amen.

I was contemplating wearing my fur-trimmed cardigan tomorrow at work, but hesitated because of how hot and stuffy everything was today. But you know what? I don’t care … because it is December. And dammit I will trim my tree in a fur-trimmed sweater if I please … which I do. I will wear my over the knee boots, even though they will trap heat within me making me crave consistently an ice-cold glass of water.

But honestly, suck it global warming. Stop ruining my holiday and bring on some cold, normal weather perhaps? That would be lovely. I would give ANYTHING just to see a snow flake … just one.