Sweating Through My Bra: Why I Hate The Heat

593681Summer is genuinely such a happy time. Pools, vacations, frothy delicious cocktails, longer, more relaxing days … 

Unless you’re a commuter. Like myself. And I’m not talking about walking from your air conditioned house to your air conditioned car then driving from A to B. I’m talking about long walks to the train and having to deal with sweaty crazed humans (because literally everyone loses their shit when it goes above 90)

When it’s summer and you would sell your soul for a sweet breeze from a passing train, you know it’s bad. I leave my house looking like a million bucks (well probably $250), and by the time I make it to my train, already find myself craving another cold shower to cleanse the sweat from my brow. 

So while I love me some summertime with cute sandals and dresses and margaritas … I gotta say summer sucks extra for us working/commuting gals. Here’s why: 

1. Sweating through your bra: it happens to me daily. Actually several times a day. I even created a hashtag for it, #SweatingThroughMyBra. It’s horrifying. This damp piece of horrific fabric glued to your body as you pray your natural body heat will dry it eventually. Hi Satan, what up?

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2. Shaving your legs: I have to do it every day. Every. Fucking. Day. If you’re one of those chicks that is all, “oh me? I only have to shave once a month :::flips hair:::” just to be clear I want to stab you and so does every other woman. It’s so damn time consuming, not to mention stressful. One little painful nick to the skin and it looks like a murder scene in my bath tub. I’m 29 years old and lately I can’t go a day without accidentally cutting myself. So my new mantra is, if you can’t deal with a little leg stubble, then get outta my face.

3. Having to wash your bras more often: okay look, I’m not a scumbag, I wash my bras. But not a lot. Because it’s annoying as fuck. I have to buy such expensive bras due to my large taa situation, and because of that all have to be “hand washed” and “hung delicately.” Umm who the hell has time for that shit? But when you find yourself sweating through your bra 20 times a day, you gotta wash them … a lot. This is where I contemplate buying 20 cheap bras that will make my taas look deformed instead of washing my 3 expensive ones every day. 

4. Constantly being paranoid you stink: when you’re sitting on the train and get a whiff of something foul, and immediately think, “OMG did I put deodorant on!?” And then can’t remember because you black out due to exhaustion for the first hour of every morning and start freaking out. And then you realize you shower and happen to be on public transportation with thousands of other people who probably have seriously poor hygiene and you’re fine. Hi, I’m losing my mind.

5. Thighs rubbing together: oh thanks, summer. If I already didn’t feel bad enough for not working out, now I have a constant reminder of the 10 fucking pounds I gained while I was hibernating this past winter with the constant friction happening between my thighs. Awesome. With every step I take, all I hear from my under carriage is, “you need to lose weight, you need to get toned, why did you eat that entire pizza last night, why don’t you drink another glass of wine, fatty.” Middle. Fingers. Up. Put. Them. Hands. High.

6. Makeup melts: I got home from work the other day, took off my sunglasses, and realized my liquid cat eye had traveled all the way to my temple. Uhh what? And where are the people in my life to tell me I look like a freak? I sometimes don’t even know why I bother. I leave the house looking contoured and highlighted and come home looking like satan’s step sister due to overheating. I say Satan’s step sister because I have rosacea and, ha, good luck keeping that shit covered up during a heatwave.

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So there you have it. While I try to be a “glass half full” kinda gal, I just can’t help but want to throw myself on the ground, kicking and screaming over how badly it sucks to commute in the summer and still look stylish and put together. 

Now excuse me, I need to set fire to my sweat-stained bra. 

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Swoon: The Marc Jacobs Fall 2016 Ad Campaign

Screen Shot 2016-06-16 at 11.43.14 AMI’m not sure if I told any of you this before, but it is a secret dream of mine to one day star in a fashion ad, or an editorial photoshoot … either or. 

I’m not a narcissist. I know I’m not even close to being a model. And my love affair with carbs and wine is far too decadent to ever quit. But that doesn’t stop me from sitting in my bath tub under the water, pretending I’m shooting for Vogue underneath a water fall. Whatevs. It happened once or twice. Shut up. DON’T LOOK AT ME!

But then I see a rare and elusive ad campaign like the one for Marc Jacobs fall 2016, featuring famous people who, like yours truly, don’t have the “traditional” credentials to be a model, and all of a sudden I saw a glimmer of hope.

I’ll be honest. I’m not the biggest fan of having movie stars and singers on the cover of Vogue and W Magazines. Simply because those magazines are sacred. They are the fashion holy books … and for some reason it makes me want to ritualistically set fire to them when I see Taylor Swift starring back at me all smug insisting she’s a “style icon.” No. Her stylists are. Not her. Try again, magazine cover. Where are the up-and-coming models that don’t have reality stars for family members?

But I love me a good fashion ad. Especially ones from Marc Jacobs, as they are always pleasantly out of the box. Like, for example, I about peed myself with joy when I saw Missy Elliott was the model in one of his fall 2016 ads. 

Missy, who is a once overweight rapper, dripping in talent (you aren’t human if you don’t immediately feel the need to shake your ass when “Work It” comes on) known for her baggy clothes and tomboy-ish style, is now in the same space as Naomi Campbell and Kate Moss. 

And Sissy freakin’ Spacek?! Stop it. She just has a creepy look to her, but in my opinion, that makes a fierce model. Give me an ad with an actress who portrayed a teen dripping in pigs blood who then murdered everyone at prom over Taylor Swift any day. 

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And Jarlos, the first gay couple to be signed to a model agency. To me their pictures are very reminiscent of something Robert Mapplethrope would have done, which is a beautiful nod to his creativity. And so important, especially because of what is happening in the world right now, to showcase men and women just feeling comfortable in their own skin.

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Marc wrote on his Instagram that, “in a continuing series of portraits for our fall 2106 ad campaign, the individuals in these photographs represent a collective embodiment of love, honesty, integrity, courage, strength, curiosity, and inspiration. Together, as one story, this collection is a reminder to question and challenge normal and to continue exploring and pushing boundaries.” 

It gave me chills when I read it. 

Beauty is everywhere, and it isn’t just on the Instagram and SnapChat accounts of the Hadid and Kardashian/Jenner sisters, even though we are being fed the contrary. A 6 foot tall, size 0 model with perfect skin is no longer the norm, nor should it be. We should be embracing our flaws, not contouring them or “lip kitting” them. 

I applaud Marc Jacobs for portraying these women/men in a high fashion ad space and glorifying them, flaws and all. 

It gives me hope that one day my strange ass could one day grace a high fashion ad. Hey … a girl’s gotta dream. 

Let’s End Aggression On Social Media

13328977_1037032142999146_460446625_nFacebook is a pretty dark place to be on right now. Lots of feelings. Lots of opinions. And lots of nasty rebuttals. 

Yesterday I posted on my personal page a simple statement over a share of PostSecret’s photo that simply said, “Hate is not our story.” And above it I wrote, “I will get behind anyone who is interested in reforming our gun laws.” Immediately I received a pretty aggressive and detailed comment from a person who, obviously, didn’t agree with my views. And reading it made my heart sink to my stomach.

Right now we are all disturbed and heart broken over the terrorist attack that happened in Orlando this past weekend. It’s hard not to be. Because this person who killed innocent people on Sunday did it because he didn’t agree with the way they were living their lives. And guess what? These terrorists don’t agree with a lot of what we as Americans believe in, in regards to religious freedom, gender equality, and gay rights. That means that what happened in Orlando could have happened anywhere at anytime. 

We are all entitled to our opinions and beliefs. And I believe we are all entitled to love who we want, believe what we want, and get behind what we want. And because of that I responded to the comment on my Facebook page with simply, “I will respect your point of view if you will respect mine.” And just like that, I got an apology from the person through a private message. Not for their point of view, but for being aggressive and attacking my beliefs.

During events like these, which are all too often, people pour their opinions and thoughts on to their social media channels. Perhaps it is a way for them to cope, a way for them to feel like they are helping, or a way from them to take a stand. Hey, I posted my thoughts to support the victims and their families as, honestly, I didn’t know what else to do. Writing has always been cathartic to me, so therefore I used my words. 

But not all words are being used in a positive manner. They are being used to attack beliefs and aggressively prove that their point of view is the right one. Which then turn into heated, nasty debates with comment after comment of harsh statements aimed to hurt. 

Guess what, kids? You are NEVER going to get someone to change their beliefs by being aggressive and derogatory via a Facebook comment. Actually, no. You’re NEVER going to change a person’s beliefs via a social media channel. It doesn’t work like that.

You’re entitled to your beliefs, yes. But instead of causing useless rage and negativity on a social media chain, go to your government. Contact congress. Because those are the people that will listen. Your friend from high school that you haven’t seen in 10 years who posted that she wants all guns to be banned will only become more aggressive, as well as her other friends who believe the same, when you go off on a rant about your opposite beliefs on gun laws.

It’s all about perspective. Right now there are families in Orlando who don’t know where their loved ones are. There are families mourning the loss of their loved one who just went out for a night of fun on a Saturday evening and was murdered because of it. 

So the next time you see a post on your social channels that you don’t agree with, I encourage you to ignore and channel your thoughts and feelings into something bigger. Get off your ass and give blood. Go to your local government and see if there is something you can do. 

It’s Facebook, people. FACE. BOOK. Let me say it again, FACEBOOK. Yeah … I hope you’re laughing along with me. A fucking social media channel shouldn’t be ripping us all apart. Keep it in perspective, please. The United States needs more positivity than ever. Let’s work on that, shall we? 

My heart goes out to all the victims and their families. And I encourage all of us to keep not being afraid to show our true colors and walk proudly with our heads held high.

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Style Stud: Caitlin Mateo, Executive Chef of Square 1682

unnamedI’ve become stupidly obsessed with the show Chopped on the Food Network. I have no idea why, but it soothes my soul. 

And hey, it has kind of sparked my interest in cooking and food, which was never a huge part of my life. Like for instance, I now know what “frisee” is (hey ma … look at me, I can cook … kinda, sort of, not really).

So when I got the opportunity to pick the brain of one of Philly’s most well-known executive chefs, Caitlin Mateo from Square 1682, I jumped at the opportunity.

She’s not only talented in the kitchen and stylish (gotta love a girl who adores an all black outfit), but has also overcome hardships and knows how valuable self esteem can be.

So enough from me … please have the pleasure of getting to know Caitlin Mateo a little better.

What is your most beloved piece in your closet right now? BCBG black leather jacket. Every Christmas I buy myself a kick ass BCBG item, and the last 2 years were coats. I love wearing black. All black, or as an accent piece, you just can’t go wrong, and I look pretty bad ass in it.

 Describe your style in 4 words: sleek, versatile, bold, effortless

Name a few chefs who inspire you. Iliana Regan, Enrique Olvera, Michel Bras, and the list goes on. There are so many influential chefs in our world.

Tell me a little bit about Square 1682. What is your favorite thing on the menu right now and what would I drink with it? Square1682 is much different now than when it first opened. We’ve evolved and figured out what works for us and who our loyal customers are. 

One of my favorites on the menu right now is the octopus. Part of that is the love that goes into preparing the dish. It’s quickly cured, then tenderized for a long time and cooked slowly, then marinated and charred. Served over capsicum puree with crisp peanut potatoes that are confit in duck fat. We finish the dish with shishito peppers and a balsamic reduction. Its flavors come together really well and I would pair it with our Cotes du Rhone blanc.

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Do you get inspiration for dishes outside of the kitchen? If so, where? I get inspiration most times out of the kitchen. I can get inspiration while at a farm. I get a lot of inspiration with a clear head when meditating or taking a run. Sometimes I might just look at the clouds and ideas start popping into my head.

I understand you overcame anorexia through your love of cooking, and I think that is beyond amazing. What advice could you give girls in Philly who are suffering from body image disorders, or just don’t have great self esteem? I did overcome that issue, and it was one of the toughest life experiences I’ve been through. Cooking, professionally, taught me how to get over my fear and love to eat food again. 

I would tell those girls that (this seems so cliché) what matters in your life really is about the person you are on the inside and the lasting impression you can leave on this world. Be good to your body and your mind and think about what it most important. Also, find a style that helps you feel confident and comfortable with yourself.

What do you like to wear when you cook? Usually I wear jeans or slim black pants. I do wear a chef coat, but I really like to cook in a nice button down blouse.

Do you have a signature dish to make? Can you describe it a bit. It’s funny, I have a lot of signature dishes in the professional kitchen and at home. Every holiday I’m always asked to make spinach lasagna. It’s the simplest dish, but the difference is the fresh pasta and putting a lot of love into every step of making that dish.  Seasoning the fresh cheese mix and adding just the right amount of spice to the tomato ragu. People go nuts for it.

How do you feel about cheesesteaks, a Philly fave? And how would you make them even better … and may I please try it You have to love a good Philly cheesesteak. I think each part of the steak needs to be taken into consideration starting with kick ass bread. I’m really into baking bread so I would start there. I also love cheese, especially the stinky ones, so I’d probably make a taleggio sauce to top my sandwich with. 

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Do you think there is any advantage being a chef in Philly compared to anywhere else? Yes. We have the best of both world’s in terms of fresh and local product with the sea being so close and some really great farms in PA and NJ. We’re also the most up and coming food city right now. The chef/food scene wasn’t even present 10 years ago, and now we have some of the best chefs and restaurants in the nation. 

I’ve heard that the culinary world is a bit of a “boys club.” Would you say that is accurate? As I came up as a young cook it definitely was a boys club, but that was 10+ years ago. Not anymore! Women are rocking and rolling in the kitchens and holding their own. 

If you could cook with anyone (chef of non-chef) who would it be and why? That’s such a tough question! I would probably pick someone like Tom Robbins (author) or Ray LaMontague (musician) so I could pick their creative brains and have a great discussion. I think it’s important to surround yourself with creativity and get inspiration not just from other chefs but people in all walks of life.

Is it hard having a social life as a chef? Absolutely. It wasn’t as hard before I got married and started a family. Then I had time to go out after work, plan days off with friends, and take day trips. Now my time is dedicated to my family and the kitchen. I rarely make it to a family birthday party, but there’s a certain amount of commitment you have to make to yourself to enjoy those times.

What is your most beloved item in your personal kitchen? Vitamix. We use it for so many things!

Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Possibly in a more senior role with my company.  I would like to get into restaurant and kitchen design and planning (all while cooking of course). I like to travel so there is always possibly of taking a few years and experiencing other cities or countries.  

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My Favorite Game: What’s In Your Purse?

Screen Shot 2016-05-26 at 10.45.09 AMIt has been FAR too long since we’ve played this game. So considering it is basically a holiday weekend, we’re doing it, dammit.

Let’s play WHAT’S. IN. YOUR. PURSE. (I REALLY need to come up with theme music for this bad boy and maybe get one of those super skinny microphones a la Price is Right Bob Barker years) 

So let’s see what is in my lovely Rebecca Minkoff electric blue tote, shall we? (isn’t she a beaut?)

1. Wallet (clearly … also I really need a new wallet, any recommendations? I’m stupidly picky about shit like this, too.) 

2. Floating one dollar bill (I’m awesome)

3. Sparkly case where I keep my lipsticks/lip glosses … that is empty … because all of my lipsticks/glosses are currently living at the bottom of my purse (that’s what happens when you’re lazy and don’t use the zipper, moron)

4. Six lipsticks/glosses, ranging from NARS to Rimmel London by Kate Moss (my current fave), to Butter London

5. Le Spec shades that make me happier than anything else in life right now

6. Le Spec shade case that is currently not housing my shades because, again, I’m the worst

7. My fancy little old lady pill case (every lady should always have Advil and Pepto pills on her person at all times, you heard it here first)

8. Mini emergency kit. Oh wait, you just randomly got your period? Hold up … let me whip out my teeny tiny tampon for you … BLA-DOW. (You have no idea how many times this thing saved my ass)

9. Fiji Water bottle (:::hair flip::: because I’m fancy as fuck)

10. Apple ear buds (because if I had to listen to people’s convos on the train everyday you would need to commit me)

11. $1.32 in change (that’s not annoying at all)

12. 2 random blister Band Aids (because working in new sandals is a bitch)

13. A Sharpie pen (I mean … is there any other pen in the world? I think not.)

14. An opened thing of travel tissues that are gross and should probably be thrown away

15. A random dudes business card (because I get drunk sometimes and like to make friends)

16. A used tissue (lay off, man, I have allergies)

17. SEPTA train pass and PATCO train pass (they are like Metro cards but cooler … suck it, New York)

18. A hair tie and hair clip (because I’m a woman)

19. And finally … a weird, awful, mysterious dust that lives at the bottom of my purse (hence why I need to throw away my tissues). I don’t know what it is, really. It’s not like I keep full baguettes of crusty bread in there daily (although that’s a really good idea…). But it is always there. Always. I was soothed when I saw another blogger write about it as it made me feel like I’m not the only dirtbag who continuously has this weird, nameless shit living at the bottom of her purse. 

So there you have it, kids. Unfortunately I don’t have anything weird to share like a whip, or a dead man’s toe. 

But I DO want to know the strangest thing that lives inside your purse. Tell me, tell me, tell me. 

Armholes In Jackets Are So 2000…

Screen Shot 2016-05-17 at 4.11.45 PMI’ve always been notoriously bad at putting coats on. I know, I know, what is wrong with me, right? What kind of idiot can’t put on a coat? Well … me. I cannot. And Jesus, it gets like 20 times worse when I’m drunk. 

It was all so much easier when I was little and my mom would hold my coat open for me, and I could just slip my arms in. “One arm at a time, honey.” 

Now when I’m moving a million miles a minute, my arm gets stuck in the lining or I realize one arm is inside out half way through putting my coat on, leading me to curse like a sailor and struggle like a dim wit T-rex caught in a net. What can I say, I’m the least sexiest human being whilst putting on a coat.

But turns out, arm holes are for suckers. Yeah. You heard it here first. You’re a complete square if you wear your coats like this … 

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It’s all about the chic drape over your shoulders, kids. How glamorous, right? Just like when you’re chilly and your man friend gives you his tuxedo jacket to drape over your shoulders (that’s a thing, right?) … well, now that’s how all jackets should be worn. Why? Because cool people said so. 

That fashion editor waiting for a cab, making imaginary phone calls. Kim Kardashian and all Kim Kardashian-like folk. Literally EVERYONE who is ANYONE is all about the drape (yes, that was double dipped in sarcasm). Why people are taking such a chic stand about not using armholes, well, I have no clue. Maybe they resemble a dim witted T-Rex, too, whilst putting on coats and said down with them … who knows.

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Now … like I said before, I move at a million miles per minute. Even when I try to take it down a notch, I’m hauling ass somewhere. So tell me, “cool people,” how does one keep a chicly draped coat over their shoulders whilst hauling ass on an average day? Hmm? The answer is they don’t.

::::Strutting, strutting, strutting … coat falls to the ground::: FUCK! :::picks coat up, drapes back over shoulders … struts, struts, struts … coat falls yet again and girl sets fire to coat, keeps strutting:::: 

And when the coat is chicly draped, how do you do anything? You literally would have to retrieve your cocktail from the bar with T-Rex arms. I mean, completely and utterly hilarious, but annoying as balls. All you can really do is just stand there and look super pissed off and important. Gross.

I get it, it’s romantic, it’s chic, it’s very “worldly” and can give you this imaginary power of feeling special. Drape a coat over your shoulders, throw on some red lipstick, dark shades, and you’re suddenly a big deal (see look, I did it in the above pic … don’t I look like an ass?). That man across the street really isn’t peeing on a building, he’s a secret paparazzi snapping pics of you. Riiiigggghhht.

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But for the girl on-the-go who doesn’t have a driver, or an assistant, or anyone to help her with anything and takes two trains to get to work (yep, I’m talking about myself … halla) … yeah no. I don’t have time to casually frolic or waltz down the street. I’m too busy plowing through slow walkers and giving dirty looks to morons who tell me to smile. And dammit when I want to reach for my cocktail, my coat will have to enjoy being on the ground, because ain’t nobody got time for T-rex arms.  

So unfortunately I will have to only do the drape in the privacy of my bedroom where I like to pretend I’m Kate Moss (wait … no I don’t … STOP LOOKING AT ME!), or when I get a boyfriend to drape his tux coat over my chilly shoulders. But until then I will continue to resemble a dim witted T-Rex whenever I put on a coat. Come and get it, boys.

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International Pop & An Art Nerd

5121ffee-b4aa-4a08-920e-6b20cc2a7064I remember going to the Philadelphia Museum of Art when I was a wee lass (we’re talking maybe 4 or 5) and falling in love with the Van Gogh sunflowers. My mom bought me a poster of it in the gift shop when we left, and it was kind of over for me from there. I would spend my days painting paper plates with water colors, and having my family oogle over my “mind blowing” “abstract” creations. I was going to be the next Van Gogh … clearly.

… except not. After insisting my mom buy me a fancy easel, canvases, and paint, I began to realize I had absolutely zero artist ability (can barely pull together stick figs), and was thoroughly bummed out slash infuriated. I believe I even punted one of my failed art pieces. Yep. That’s how I roll. 

I thought my love affair with art was over, until I took a random art history class in college. And while my friends were drooling and falling asleep next to me, I was soaking in every slide (yes, my professor used slides). There was this wonderfully nerdy world of art history that I needed to explore. 

I ended up minoring in Art History, and still get chills when I think about the lives of legendary contemporary artists. The culture, the fashion, the creativity … it’s all overwhelming to me. In fact, I just watched a documentary on Robert Mapplethorpe and still cannot stop talking about it. Even though every time I try to bring it up to my mom she goes, “Kate, ew … he took pornographic photos.” No he didn’t … but that is neither here nor there.

While I’m a self proclaimed “art nerd” I rarely make it to the glorious museums that I live like 20 minutes away from. It’s shitty … it really is. In fact, I almost let the International Pop exhibit slip through my finger tips (I’m the worst … and SUPER lazy).

The exhibit is thrilling and I’m still swooning thinking about it. I was like a kid meeting her idols for the first time. I mean I was in the presence of Jasper John’s American Flag! It was a fucking really cool moment for me. (See … total dork. I wasn’t kidding).

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So if you haven’t, go see this exhibit. Now. Like close your fucking computer and go. Get a little culture. Discover something new. And if you ever want to nerd out about art, you know where to find me, kids. 

Here’s a taste of my favorite pieces (even though it was insanely hard to choose)… 

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Style Stud: Nicole Angemi of iHeartAutopsy

ce9cf13f-00bd-4a0b-af73-338b9838c922I discovered Nicole Angemi in an interview she did with Philly Mag last summer. The article was entitled “Meet the Local Hospital Worker Who Posts Autopsy Photos on Instagram,” and immediately I needed to know more. My curiosity got even worse when I saw the “local hospital worker” was this rad looking chick covered in tattoos.

And you know me, I love a stylish, bad ass looking chick.

With over 800,000 followers on Instagram, Nicole has this magnetizing way of drawing you in to her world of severed limbs and chest cavities with swords sticking out of them (LITERALLY … it was awesome). I normally don’t enjoy shit like that, but I find myself continuously scrolling through her Instagram account with one eye opened. It’s disgustingly addictive, what can I say.

Oh, and if you have a “tough mother” in your life, be sure to check out Nicole’s iHeartAutopsy line, and score your mama a “Dura Mater” t-shirt.

I want one and I haven’t even spawned yet.

What is your favorite piece in your closet currently? My custom Ben Venom battle jacket and my Valentino flats which were my push present from my husband for my middle daughter Lillian.

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Where can we find you on an average spring Saturday afternoon? The Philadelphia Zoo

Your nails are notoriously rad. Where do you get them done and how long does it take? Ruby at Top Nails and Spa in Collingswood. It takes about 2 hours and I go every 3 weeks.  

Is it hard to work with nails like that? No. Everyone always asks me that. I have had nails all my life so I am used to them. Sometimes they actually help me dissect. 

What is your most beloved part of your job? When I get a really challenging specimen/autopsy with distorted anatomy and pathology and I have to take time to determine what the problem is. I also love very simple cases that have textbook pathology too. I always thought it was very cool to open a body and find exactly what I learned in school. 

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You can’t show a nipple on Instagram, yet your feed is all random body parts. What is the trick to getting away with it? A nipple can’t be shown because Instagram has to draw a line with nudity otherwise hardcore porn shots will start showing up in your feed. The photos I post are within the guidelines of Instagram’s rules and do not show nudity or violence. 

Describe your style in 4 words: Modern, morbid, monochromatic, mompunk, 

I’m sure you get asked a lot of crazed questions about your profession. Which your least favorite and why? Are you scared of dead people? No! I’m scared of the live ones! 

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Your tattoos are beautiful. Is there any rhyme or reason what you get or where you decide to place it? My earlier tattoos were picked based on design alone. As I have gotten older, my tattoos have become more sentimental and every one has a special meaning. At this point I just get one wherever I have room! 

Do you have a favorite tattoo artist in Philly? Pat Haney

Do you have plans for your next tattoo? Yes. My husband and I are getting matching coffee/Wawa themed tattoos for our 8th anniversary because we met there. 

Favorite store in Philly? The Strange and Unusual 

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Your may be the red lipstick queen. What is your go-to brand? Mac makeup-always 

Who/what inspires you? Family/friends in my life who are doing positive things and constantly pushing themselves to do better. When you surround yourself with people who are always challenging themselves and striving for more, you find yourself doing the same. 

Is there anything that you get grossed out by? Explain grossed out? I touch other people’s poop, blood and body fluids every day. I don’t enjoy poop. I wouldn’t touch poop if I didn’t have to, but it’s my job so I do it. Yeah it’s gross. It’s poop of course it’s gross. 

What can we look forward to seeing next from you? Expanding on my iheartautopsy merchandise! A book, more lectures, a TV show, who knows!

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Are Fast Fashion Gowns The New Big Game Ad?

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Photo credit: https://www.popsugar.com/fashion/Ciara-Dress-Met-Gala-2016-41160079#photo-41160079

When I saw someone post on Twitter that the gorgeous dress Ciara rocked to the Met Gala was made by H&M, my first thought was, “that’s a stupid typo. Man, they must feel like an idiot.” 

Don’t get me wrong, I love me some H&M. I still get a kick out of people complimenting me on my statement necklaces and then rocking their world by telling them it was from H&M and only cost $30. Yeah. $30. 

But when I think of H&M, I think Cochella, acid washed short shorts, basics in every shape and form, Micky Mouse crop tops, and where fringe goes to die. Not Met Gala glam. Not even close. I don’t even think I could find a dress to wear to a wedding that wouldn’t expose all of my jiggly bits there, to be quite honest. 

H&M ended up outfitting Ciara, Hailee Steinfeld (she’s a person, right?), Jennifer Hudson, and others for the Met Gala, AND styled SJP last year! I mean where have I been?! 

It makes you wonder why a super star with endless amounts of connections and resources would choose to wear H&M to the Met Gala, especially when they most likely have Gucci, Chanel, Zac Posen, and every other haute couture designer at their fingertips. Why rock a brand that styles every average shmoo with stylish looks for under $50?

The Met Gala is known as the “Super Bowl of fashion.” So why don’t more “fast fashion” retailers style celebs? It’s a walking advertisement. It’s that million dollar 30 second ad during the Super Bowl (I feel like I can’t say Super Bowl, but I’m doing it. Super Bowl, Super Bowl, Super Bowl), except walking down a red carpet for much less money, and even more exposure. Kind of genius, when you think about it. 

Annoying As Balls E! News reporter: Kate! Kate! Who are you wearing?!?!

Me: Well, I’m wearing Zara for Zara off Zara tonight :::flips hair … falls flat on face walking up the stairs mid-hair flip:::

And also, umm H&M, I want that dress. I want all of those dresses. I get it, I doubt the dress is being made the same way the Micky Mouse crop top is, but that doesn’t deter me from wanting it. Ciara’s dress made me literally drool. It’s gorgeous. GIMME!

Unfortunately black tie, or bridesmaids dresses, or even wedding gowns has this stigma of only being purchased in stuffy bridal boutiques, or expensive department stores. But to have the luxury of looking as put together and chic as Ciara did in H&M for a quarter of the price? Umm … sign me the fuck up. “Oh shit, I just randomly got invited to this Black Tie event, what do I do?! Ahhh life!” You could just bop on over to H&M and call it a day. 

Look we women want ease and we want to look fantastic doing it. We want to look like we spent 8 hours getting ready for an event but in reality barely spent an hour because God dammit we only have a fucking hour. So if fast fashion retailers want to start making Met Gala-level gowns, I wouldn’t turn my nose up to shit like that. Nor should you.

Best Dressed At The Met Gala: Not Balmain’s Army

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Photo credit: http://www.archetypes.com/article/the-2016-met-gala-theme-is-manus-x-machina-fashion-in-an-age-of-technology/

So the Met Gala was last night. It’s one of my favorite nights of the year. I order a plethora of Chinese food, whip off my bra, throw my hair in a messy bun, get cozy on the couch in my PJs, and tweet my face off over the fashion. 

This year’s theme was Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology. I was looking forward to dresses that were powered by solar energy, or an iPhone-inspired gown. But no. Just a lot of metallics and sequins. Because, you know, that says “tech.” Sigh. 

And Jesus Christ, what is up with Balmain? Everyone was wearing Balmain. Riveting. Yes, Olivier Rousteing has a beautiful point of view, and has definitely changed the direction of fashion. But every time you see someone wearing one of his gowns, you KNOW it’s Balmain, and you KNOW one of the Kardashians has already worn it in a different color. Which becomes monotonous and boring after a while. Not impressed.

But a few folks managed to look fantastic AND be on point with the theme. And if you were an Olsen twin, you didn’t give a flying fuck about the theme and managed to kill it. So there’s that.

Spoiler alert … it wasn’t any of the Kardashians or anyone who rocked Balmain (in fact, I do hope Anna Wintour verbally shamed Kanye West for wearing jeans to the Met Gala). 

So here is what you have been waiting for all year … my “best dressed list” from the Met Gala. TA DA. 

Poppy Delevingne KILLED IT. Favorite look of the night, by far.

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Photo credit: Just Jared

I hate Disney shit, but Zac Posen made Cinderella’s dress come to life in the most bad ass way possible. Swoon. 

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Fame Monster is BACK, baby, and it gives me glorious glorious chills. Claws up, Monsters. 

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Sister of the year goes to Solange Knowles in this gorgeous “lemonade-inspired” gown.

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Dude … H&M made this dress. H&M! I dream of a day when I walk into the store and next to the ball hugging skinnies and bedazzled blazers, this will be hanging for me to purchase and own.

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I know, I’m in shock, too, but Nicole Kidman in that McQueen cape rocked my world.

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Credit: Just Jared

And Beyonce … because I feel like if I didn’t include her my blog would burst into flames. And that dress. Sweet mother.

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