My Adventures Through The Activewear Department

5566aec53eca91d50892fdc973d0bde1It’s a big deal when I actually drag my ass out to buy workout clothes. That MEANS something. Usually I’ll see something way better than a boring pair of bike shorts, get completely distracted, and come home with a myriad of new outfits, and nothing to wear to the gym … and then the idea of going to the gym fizzles. 

New to the world of workout clothes, I decided to make my first stop at Burlington Coat Factory because A. the prices are right and I knew I didn’t want to spend that much on “gear” B. I don’t know that much about workout clothing labels to be a snob C. Lululemon, from what I hear, makes me want to head butt people and things. 

My first experience stepping into an “activewear” section of a store was … interesting. I’m going to compare it to attempting to dive into an ice cold pool. You stick your pinky toe in first. You put you hand in, swirl around the water. Maybe coat your body with the ice cold water to acclimate yourself, whilst making a cringe-like face. Contemplate going back to the comfort of your lounge chair, aka the shoe department. But then say, “the hell with it,” and dive right in. 

My thoughts?

1. Why in the name of sweet Jesus is everything so colorful? Am I working out or crossing the street when it is pitch black outside? Like do people need to see me miles away whilst working out in my neon gear? Or can a sister get some black tanks and yoga pants so my fellow gym-goers don’t see me dying with exhaustion and hate for my out-of-shape self? What is UP with that?

2. Dear Nike, Puma, Champion, and any other brand that thinks it is totally cool to plaster your brand name across my chest. In the words of my Nana, you aren’t paying me to be your walking billboard, therefore I refuse to be your device for free advertising. A little swoosh here and there is peachy, but NIKE in big bold letters across my taas? Stop it.

3. Do I really need to accentuate my breasts whilst working out? A lot of sports bras/tops had built in cups in the bra area. Really? Cups? Do we need to give the illusion that we are a cup size bigger than we actually are whilst working out? Is that a thing? Because look, I’m just trying to get my taas to disappear with some rather comfortable contraption so I can workout in peace without causing a show. 

4. Sheer workout tops? Really? Really?! REALLY?

5. Why after five minutes of browsing through workout clothes did I get this weird desire to go to Lululemon. I hate that store and I’ve never even stepped foot in there. Anyone who is charging over $80 for yoga pants is no friend of mine. But this insane fear overcame me that my “workout style” wouldn’t be cool enough. Do ladies even judge workout styles? Wonder if I don’t fit it?! Wonder if everyone DOES wear neon and I’ll just be like a girl from the Craft who works out in the corner all lonesome like a freak? And then I found really cool dark gray yoga pants for $12 and was all, “Lulu … what now?”

I got my outfit. I got my hair did (wait … what), I have my plethora of organic veggies for the week (what a productive Sunday … am I right?). Flywheel Summer Tune-up Challenge, it has been broughten (yeah … you heard me correctly).

Screen Shot 2015-07-13 at 4.44.30 PM


I have a Dell laptop in my life … but luckily my personal laptop that I spoon, caress and love unconditionally happens to be a Mac. Last night I found myself writing a blog post on my Dell, but missing the ease of dragging a picture to my desktop and hitting three simple buttons to take a screen shot. So I switched back to good old Apple Land … a piece of machinery that keeps me sane … and stops me from punting my Dell across the room. At this moment, I thanked Steve Jobs.

Yes, the man revolutionized the industry and made it extremely chic to be considered a genius and a computer nerd all at the same time. His technology had a chain reaction throughout almost every industry … even the fashion industry. And when Walkmans and Discmans and headphones turned into iPods and ear buds, the sporty spices out there needed a place to put them while working on their fitness.

And that is when certain garments were made specifically with a place for you to put your Apple technology so you didn’t have to stick it in your cleavage or in your waist band hoping for the best (not that I did that or anything …). iClothing made it possible to work out and listen to She Bangs by Ricky Martin without having to hold the iPod, because it is so cumbersome and all, have wires strangle you or have it fall out of your pocket interrupting your workout. Specific pockets that fit almost every iPod size were being sewn into bras, hats, sleeves of t-shirts and even sneakers, revolutionizing the activewear lines all because of how popular an Apple product was. I never saw Nike sewing huge, industrial sized pockets to fit a Walkman back in the 80’s now did I?

So thank you, Steve for making a gadget so cool that actually made me want to go out and buy it so I would get off my ass and be able to “listen to music at the gym,” a.k.a. I said buying an iPod would make me want to go to the gym more, but I really just wanted a cool piece of technology. I do believe there WERE smart people out there who ACTUALLY bought an iPod and ACTUALLY got their fitness on so much that the activewear industry saw this and in an effort to get those iSporty Spices to buy their clothing, made pieces that fit this uber cool piece of technology, in essence, making them Steve Jobs’ bitch.

Donatella Versace, Karl Lagerfeld, Steve Jobs.

Rest in peace.