Who Are You When You Travel?

I don’t travel much. Partially because I loathe flying and partially because I don’t have time slash can’t really afford to go to the places I would like and therefore don’t see the point (i.e. London/Paris). Not really a big deal because again … I loathe flying for fear I will come crashing down in a fiery awful death. But I digress.

I AM flying this upcoming Wednesday for work … which I’m kind of pumped about. And as I sit here in a lazy state putting off doing laundry, planning outfits for my three days of hotel room living, and finding my suitcase even … I find myself fixated on “the plane outfit.” The plane outfit is important because you want to be comfortable, yet you really want to be stylish. Because … you know … the paparazzi will surely be chasing me throughout the terminal. And then I think about what kind of celeb I want to be whilst traveling. Do I want to be …

Kim Kardashian: She gets photographed traveling … a lot. She is like an airport whore. I can’t believe I’m saying this … but I dig her airport style. Comfortable, chic … large shades, hair in a chic messy bun.  I could totally rock this look … you know, with my Louis carry on and my (probably) over-the-knee Loub boots (riiiiigggghhhhhht.)

It says, “yeah I’ve got style … yet leave me the hell alone, I may or may not be hung over and I may or may not want to talk to you.”




The material girl likes to get down with layering whilst traveling, to the point where you wonder if she even has ta’s and an ass. But I gotta say … slightly genius. I’m personally flying from a cold climate to a warm-ish one and thought to myself how to go from wearing a coat to rocking flip-flops. You do it through layering. Madge could literally fly from New York in the spring to Antarctica, back down to Jamaica in mid-summer and then back to San Fran in Mid-july and be COMPLETELY prepared for all of the above.

Sure her style here isn’t really my “look” per se. But I will agree with the scarf so you can hide from the paparazzi (for all you starlets out there) or really annoying people who like to strike up conversation with you whilst traveling (for all us normal folk).

And yes … the oversized bag is a MUST. I am actually stressing out about what bag to take that will keep all of my belongings, passport, laptop, iphone, etc., safe, sound and stylish.

The hat … I’m going to politely disagree with this one, M. But hey, we all need outlets to express our personal style, right?

Audrey Hepburn: Or you could go old Hollywood-chic when traveling with the very proper dress, overcoat, chic slicked back hair, heels, tights … woof.

Honestly, Audrey can do no wrong in my eyes. But the fact that women had to travel like this back in the day makes me weep. At the end of the day … unless you have millions and bazillions of dollars … traveling is an exhaustifying bitch. There HAS to be a balance between being stylish and comfortable. But the “proper” nowadays, while traveling, unfortunately, gets punted out the window.

Sorry, Audrey. You lose, my friend.

Paris Hilton: And then there is this, sigh. I get it, you may be flying really early or really late … you may just want to be über comfy, or you might just have a fetish with your monotone jumpsuit, I’m not sure. But this isn’t okay. It also isn’t okay to have “PINK” or anything else across your ass whilst traveling, just sayin’. From me to you, holmes … don’t just roll out of bed and hop a plane. At least do what hipsters do and put effort into looking like you just rolled out of bed.

Lady Gaga: Looking to make a statement? Welp … you can ALWAYS rock this look …











… and then there is this …











… and then there is this …











I gotta say … and apart of me hates myself for agreeing with her … but I think I’m a “Kim Kardashian” flyer. Granted she is heading to her private plush jet with endless bottles of Dom and I’m going to my peanut seat in coach awaiting my ant size bag of pretzels … but she has the right idea and the three must-have whilst flying.

1. Big scarf (circle scarf is possible)

2. Exceptionally large shades

3. Large bag you could potentially stick a small human in

Boom. Safe flying this week … lovely readers!

The Vanillas …

Have you ever come across a girl you can’t help but compare yourself to? For me, I always find myself up against the vanilla girls. I’m sure you’ve come across a couple in your life, and if you haven’t well, that is fabulous for you. The vanilla girls are always put together. They can walk into a room without a drop of makeup on and just say, “oops I didn’t have time to put it on this morning, oh well” and not even blink. Claim to be fabulously fashion forward and say Audrey Hepburn is their style icon. Their perfect hair is NEVER out-of-place … EVER. They aren’t funny, slightly serious if anything. Stains never land on any article of clothing they own and if, God forbid, it does happen, they have a Tide stick in arms reach to heal this issue. Their clothing is always ironed to perfection. When they laugh, it seems the right gust of wind always comes along to move their hair to and fro as they fling their head back and forth smiling and caring on in what seems to be slow motion.

And then here I am. I like to think that ever female has some sort of fantastic sparkle to them. It could be something terribly tiny, but just SOMETHING that makes them stand out from the crowd. I also don’t like to believe in things like “perfection,” since, for me at least, it seems highly unobtainable and not worth the blood, sweat and tears it takes to obtain. Because I believe when you do obtain it … you turn vanilla.

So here are just some reasons why I find myself to not be a “vanilla girl”:

1. I’m disheveled. I move at a million miles a second and therefore always have a flaw with my outfit. Hell, I feel like it gives it character. It is either I’m wrinkled or I have a stain or hole on my dress, or I have red pen on my sleeve. Regardless, something is always out-of-place. Perhaps I should slow down.

2. I hate ironing. Yes, I invested in a steamer and adore it, but even that sometimes doesn’t do the trick. By the end of the day I look like I took off my dress, crumbled it up in a ball, threw it on the ground, walked all over it and then slipped it back on.

3. I curse … a lot … including the “F” word. (Sorry mom/family … it’s sad but true, although you probably know this)

4. When I laugh really hard my eyes tear up and I cry, whilst laughing … which then leads me to look like a hot mess. The right gust of wind might come to move my hair in a sexy fashion that will most likely end up getting caught in my fabulous lip gloss. I could fling my head back, but I would probably knock someone out or pull something in my neck. But yes, when I laugh I sometimes have mascara running down my face … but I believe a good laugh is totally worth it.

5. I’m Alexander McQueen … not Ann Taylor.

6. If I don’t have makeup on … I feel naked. I can’t pull a, “OH MY GOD, I’m running so late … I’ll just do my makeup when I get there,” because I will feel like a crazed hyena when I get “there.”

7. My hair always looks like I rolled around in the backseat of my car for a couple of hours. When I am thinking about something, I’ll run my fingers through my hair, or try to give it more volume which will just make it look like I have out-of-control sex hair. I just want more volume, dammit.

8. I’m more fascinated with the abstract, not the simple.

9. I dig my chunky, over-the-top, outlandish accessories. Like high heels with studs on the back of them that could potentially hurt someone or black over the knee leather boots.

10. My nails are rarely painted properly. They are either chipped or, if I have a second, I most likely just covered up the chipped parts with the same color as I was flying out the door to leave for work. Sorry, no time for french manicures :::yawn:::

I think, as females, we all strive to reach some level of perfection. But like I said before, it just is an unobtainable thing. Women kill themselves daily to have the right hair, makeup, clothing, accessories just for the sake of “fitting in,”  and I absolutely do not exclude myself from that statement. Yes, I sometimes let myself get carried away with comparing my style to these “vanilla girls,” but all this comparing and contrasting has just made me become one with my so-called “flaws,” because that is who I am, and at the end of the day the “vanilla” look just doesn’t suite me. Flaws are beautiful, no matter how abnormal or dysfunctional they may be, they are you, so get used to it. Even under all of those pretty dresses, proper hats and beautiful smile, Kate Middleton probably has some really unattractive quality about her, like eating potato chips in bed or something crazed like that.

Own your flaws ladies, they are gorg. I sure as hell am.

Taking Off The Bling

If you don’t already know, I have an affinity for shiny things, especially accessories. I’m mildly obsessed and find walking into the accessories section of any store an extreme pick me up. Walking through an oasis of costume jewelry and glitter might be better than Prozac, just sayin’.

But, unfortunately, with so many options, it is quite easy to do a little thing called “over accessorizing.” I recently was talking to a man at a bar and he was commenting on how you can tell how old someone is by how many accessories they are wearing, and I gotta agree with him. I look at pictures of myself from freshman year of college and I’m wearing like 14 necklaces, 5 rings and a flashy belt. What … Why? Well, because I was trying to be Carrie Bradshaw … in fact sometimes I still am … truth. It was my way of making my outfits “crazy” and “outlandish.” But really it just turned out like an not cohesive hot mess (story of my life).

This man, perhaps an accessory angel from the Gods, also gave a glorious piece of advice that I felt compelled to share with all of you. AHEM. Before leaving the house, take off ONE piece of jewelry, that is if you are wearing more than one piece. I live and die for statement jewelry, like a big chunky cuff or a huge obscene ring that goes up to my knuckle, but there is no need to wear both at the same time.

Sometimes I feel like we forget the point of accessories. Yes, sometimes I plan an outfit AROUND a specific piece of jewelry I want to rock … but TECHNICALLY their purpose is to accentuate an outfit, you know … make it pop. Yes, of course if I’m wearing a fabulous piece of jewelry I want people to comment, but when you have the earrings, the cuff, the belt, the pin, the five rings and hair clip … it turns into crazytown. People will be less compelled to comment on your look and be more compelled to gossip around the water cooler about how so and so forgot to take her meds today and put on her entire jewelry box.

So here is my challenge to all of you fantastic readers, before leaving the house, take off ONE piece of jewelry, just one. I started to do it and even though you aren’t getting the “BOW!” factor, your look will make a turn from crazytown to chic. Still wear that statement cuff, stacked bangles or numerous pairs of pearls, but ONLY wear that. If you must, match it with a very subtle necklace. But honestly, we are all way to fantastic to walk into a room and have people think we are some teeny bopper  … or even worse, an over the hill teeny bopper trying to re-live her teeny bopper days.

So as hard as it may be, give one piece of your bling a day off.