Who Run The World? Not Lena Dunham …

BestFriends“Men are simple compared to BFFs” -Lena Dunham

I’ve been biting my tongue on the topic of Lena Dunham for quite some time, but I’ve just had enough. I’ve done my research, I’ve watched some of season 1 and most of season 2 of Girls and after reading this article by Refinery29 … I gotta say this: Lena Dunham please, for the love of Jesus, shut. the. hell. up.

The quote above? Absolute hogwash in my eyes. Maybe it is true in her fictitious world she creates, but in real life, I have to politely disagree.

In my world, there are two different types of girls: The ones who are the “girls girl” and the others that consider themselves a “guys girl”. Oh right, and then there are those random outliers who can co-exist perfectly with both. I consider myself a “girls girl.” I think it is because I like being able to relate to the people I’m around. The “guys girl,” well … you know who they are. They are the girls who make haughty statements like, “I just have never gotten along with girls :::hair flip:::, I take to guys more is all. Girls are bitches.” What I’ve always wanted to say back to them is, ” ummm then why are you hanging out with me?” but I refrained.

At the end of the day, girls need girls. I will agree with you, some girls are bitches. Some girls say really heinous things. But so do guys … we are all guilty of this. But life just isn’t worth living, as a female, without a chick for a best friend. And to be honest, the term “best friend” is madly overused. You could be drunk in a bar, instantly connect with a rando girl in the bathroom, take shots, be “BFFs” all night, and wake up in the morning not even remembering her name. It is so easy to start connecting on a “BFF” level with a girl … but more times than not, that fire fades, just like in other relationships.

To me, a best friend is someone who stands by you through your good and bad decisions. Who will talk you off a ledge in a moments notice. Who you can run to when a guy in your life broke your heart so badly you don’t even recognize yourself anymore. They see the good in you even when you are being 50 shades of cray (oh yeah … I said it). A best friendship is one of the most important relationships females need to have in their lives.

Don’t get me wrong … men are fantastic. Men are beautiful people who can, if they open their eyes, share a beautiful life with you one day. But to call them “simple” … uhhh yeah no. I’ve never met a “simple” guy in my life. Just because they are laid back doesn’t make them simple. In fact, NOTHING in life is simple. Bare with me as I have a really corny moment, but I think Charlotte York from Sex and the City had it right all along when she said, “men can be these great nice guys to have fun with, and then your girlfriends can be your soulmates.” Listen, I don’t want to call up my guy friends when I have cramps, or feel fat, or hate the way my hair looks, or when I’m having a minor life crisis and need to have reality slapped back into me, or when I want to gossip, or talk about the Kardashians, or just want to go on and on about nothing. Call me old school … I just don’t.

Lena Dunham … you’re a genius … leading hipsters into the final frontier, tip of the cap to you. But I think you have it all wrong when it comes to the concept of “BFFs”. Because that is the most important accessory any girl can have. The concept of being “best friends” with someone isn’t something you can make weird, unknown, obscure or edgy. Friendships won’t be sold at Urban Outfitters like neon skinny jeans, alright? You know when you have a best friend … you feel it in your gut, just like when you know you met the love of your life. Plain and simple.

Oh … also … Marnie and Hannah should end things … that is a relationship that would have ended the minute they got their college diplomas. Real talk. It is not worth having a plot line go on and on when Marnie is off living in Lala land with her app-creator boyfriend and Hannah is sitting pantless on her counter eating Cool Whip. Because if Marnie gave a shit, she would be sitting pantless eating Cool Whip with her. That’s how BFFs roll.

Also … sidebar … maybe, just maybe, comment on how those four girls survive in NYC, with barely any of them having jobs … I mean seriously … who can relate to that?

—–I’m very lucky to be able to call a few ladies in my life my “BFF” and I dedicate this post to them and all the beauty, laughter, and wisdom they have and will keep bringing into my life.——

A Real Girl Showed Up At The Oscars … GASP!

CaptureYes, I was one of those crazed freaks that watched the entire Oscars last night. I can’t help it, I’m just desperately waiting for the 2013 version of “Soy Bomb” to run on stage and do something crazytown. Alas, nothing of the sort happened … yawn.

But I came to realize something last night. And that something was … that I want Jennifer Lawrence to become my new best friend. I’m not even going to call it a girl crush, because it is so not like that (and my girl crush at the moment is Jessica Chastain … durh). But seriously, I either want to invite her over for a slumber party where we get drunk in sweats and watch Adam McKay movies and laugh and prank call Bradley Cooper and have her describe what making out with him is like. Or I want to hang out with her at a hole in the wall bar that only accepts cash where we can see how many guys we can get to buy us drinks and laugh at drunk people.

She is a breath of fresh air to “the industry” and literally the antithesis of Anne Hathaway. I used to love Anne Hathaway, until she started giving acceptance speeches and vomming pretentious nonsense. “It finally came true … eeeeeeee!” We get it, your mother played the same role you did in Les Mis, you started out as a Princess Diary, all you’ve ever wanted was to be an actress … raaaaaa. And then … the winner was J. Law, who literally fell on her face walking to the stage because she was probably so shocked slash excited … and my God who in the right mind could ACTUALLY walk in that dress?! Now THAT is what I’m talking about. Why? Because that is something I SO would have done!

We here at Life Sucks In A Strapless Bra, and by we I mean I, are all about keeping it real. Strapless bras and strapless dresses aren’t comfortable nor do they stay up …, as we saw all last night with numerous starlets shimmying up strapless frocks, and wearing couture gowns and walking in 5 inch toothpicks with no support is no easy task. And yes … sometimes, we get stains on our shirts, and would rather get down with a cheese steak rather than a salad, and when we fall, we may or may not drop the eff bomb over and over. But hey, these are the cold hard realities of being a chick nowadays. The days of wearing proper white gloves are out the door. Not because I don’t want to be proper, I actually find it a very romantic trend, but because if I wore said white gloves, I would probably have orange Cheetos stains all up in them … and that’s a little gross, right?

Clearly Anne Hathaway has paid for an invisible stain shield to form around her at all times. And how much do you want to bet she keeps viles of perfection in her alphabetized pantry? And then there is J. Law who had no problem rolling up to Seacrest and complaining about how starved she was. She fell in front of every large and in charge movie star AND anyone watching on TV while going to get her Oscar and managed to bust out a very sincere and eloquent acceptance speech without making fun of herself too much, but at the same time not turning a blind eye to the fact that she just bit it. I would have been purple with embarrassment and probably drooling. So thank you for making America realize … females like Anne Hathaway at the Oscars … don’t exist in real life. They just don’t.

And a girl who eats a cheese steak before the Oscars is one that needs to be my new BFF. Let’s be the new Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie … you know, except less … umm … yeah … not. Come on, please? J. Law … ma girl! Okay cool … call me! Or should I call you? You know what you’re probs busy … whatever :::awkwardly laughs::: silly me … I’ll just wait by the phone.


Ps. Don’t feel bad … look at Carrie Bradshaw. She fell IN Dior … you fell while wearing Dior. Whatevs. Also, she fell on the New York Fashion Week runway wearing Dolce … so yeah … you win. I don’t care if Carrie Bradshaw isn’t real … you still win. Now can we be BFF’s?