Stop Bringing Hosts Food & Booze On The 4th
I can confidently say most ‘Muricans are about to throw their diets to the wind and get their BBQ on this weekend. I know I am. I am ready to eat … and drink. And drink some more. Mmmm tasty cocktails. But I digress …
While I have attended a myriad of BBQs in my day, figuring out what to bring the “host and or hostess” is a tricky one. Sure you can make something off Pinterest and have it turn into a hot mess disaster. Sure you can bring a bottle of wine. Sure you can just bring yourself if you think you are Gods gift to the world … but I gotta say, aren’t all those things a little …I don’t know, tired?
Most likely the person throwing the BBQ has a ton of food and drink waiting for you … hence why they invited you over (and if they don’t … leave immediately). And while I don’t think your presence is enough of a gift, I just don’t think “making something” or hitting up the liquor store is doing the trick anymore either.
“Cool … a bottle of wine I don’t like and will probably regift and yay more food we don’t need.”
I’m saying we think out of the box when bringing your host/hostess a gift during this fest of BBQs for the 4th. Hosting people sucks. It’s a ton of work. But showering your friends and loved ones with food and drink until they are drunk and in a food coma is a pretty good pay-off … especially if they end up doing something drunkenly ridiculous … am I right?
Listen know your audience and get them something they wouldn’t get themselves. Make them laugh. Make them smile. Make them not be all, “shit how am I going to fit this in my fridge.” I’m telling you, you’ll be the life of the party. If not … well, then, I NEVER GAVE YOU THIS ADVICE!
So Happy 4th to all. Drink responsibly … or don’t, just don’t be a fucking idiot and drive. Get it together, people. Make good life decisions. Bomb pops for all!
1. Cards Against Humanity: If you have friends throwing a BBQ that wouldn’t appreciate this game, I say don’t go. It’s classic. It’s hilarious. I seriously pee myself laughing every time I play (although don’t play with any older family members you’ll be uncomfortable around talking about sex and other awkward topics).
2. Popsicles: Because you aren’t ‘MURICAN if you don’t like popsicles.
3. Wine Glass Sippy Cup: While I’m sure they have a bunch of these (again if they don’t, leave … drinking wine out of a solo cup is never okay), do they have a wine glass sippy cup?! I think not. Same amounts of fun and less of the spills.
4. Candle: I know a little yawn-worthy, but who couldn’t use a fabulous smelling candle that makes your home smell like something out of an Anthro catalog (you know … if Anthro catalogs were scratch and sniff).
5. Gilded Pretzel Bottle Opener: Again … they probably have one already. But do they have one in the shape of a gold pretzel!? I think not, kids, I think not. If you score this, you’ve officially won the title of best guest EV-AH title.
6. Cool Tote Bag: Everyone needs one, even dudes. Eventually we all have to carry shit somewhere, and we mine as well do it in a cool tote that makes people laugh … or offended. Either or, either or.
7. Glitter Cake Server: Because glitter. And cake.