Kindness: It Still Exists

c36cbc551d1f4cfe40989b8bc7b07807You know when two ladies rush up to give you a compliment and your first thought is, “holy shit I’m about to get jumped,” there is something seriously wrong with me slash this world we live in.

I found myself at a dreadful outdoor drinking arena where you needed a damn bathroom pass to go visit the fancy Porto-potties on the other side of the venue (Spruce Street Harbor for those of you from Philly). Beer only? Bathroom passes? Hipsters passed out in hammocks? The stank of the Delaware River? Porto-potties? Not my scene. But this is neither here nor there.

As I was waiting to enter the fancy Porto-potties, I saw these two normal looking blonde ladies, who were probably in their 30’s, rushing over to me. At first I thought, “dear sweet Jesus I’m about to get jumped/harrassed/or robbed.” When you’re in a city, especially on the East Coast, that is where your mind goes. I secretly surrendered and braced myself like a fool and just said, “welp, here it is, my time has come.”

But to my surprise, and mostly shock, these two ladies stood in front of me saying, “OMG you look so beautiful this evening! Look at that outfit of yours, it is so pretty!” I stopped flinching in anticipation that they were going to deck me, and looked at them like a deer in headlights. Friendly people? No no … friendly women offering up amazing compliments that were making me glow? Whhhhaaa?! Where am I? Did they just jump me and now I’m in heaven?

And no, I was not wearing anything special. I wore my most comfortable maxi skirt, tank top, and had exhaustion and anger splashed across my face after a long day of hosting a bridal shower all day and then having to deal with an overflowing bladder at a bar with bathroom passes and way too many rules … and no vodka.

These ladies were a breath of fresh positivity, and quite the confidence booster. Never once in my 27 years existing on the East Coast had any stranger, especially a woman, been so sincerely nice for no reason. I had to ask them though, “where are you ladies from?” And my assumptions were correct, they were from out of town. The midwest to be exact. And there you have it.

I’m not going to single out city gals or East Coast ladies only, but we are so quick to judge one another, and I’m guilty of this, too. When I’m standing in line for the bathroom, most likely I’m entertaining myself in my head making rude comments about people, and it’s shitty. And when we do reach out to our fellow female and offer a compliment, we are too quick to roll our eyes, or assume they are hitting on us, or think, “what does this bitch really want.” 

I truly want to thank these anonymous ladies for making my night extra special. Sometimes a stranger telling you that you look lovely is just what the doctor ordered, let me tell you, because I had an extra pep in my step the rest of the evening. You never know what people have going on. And always assume women have RBF (resting bitch face), because I’ve been told I look like a non-approachable bitch, and that is so not the case. If you assume they have RBF, it will make the compliment giving THAT much easier.

Since then, I’ve been more opened to complimenting my fellow females, even if I don’t know them. And hopefully you will do the same. Sure, the girl may think you’re trying to mug her, but listen, baby steps people, baby steps.

Backhanded Compliment … Meet The Back Of My Hand

tina-fey-thumbs-downWe’ve all been there. We look good. We feel good. We want to strut a little. Then all of a sudden you run into “that” friend. The friend that loves nothing more than to investigate what you are wearing, doing, and seeing with a fine tooth comb. That person mine as well be a hurricane that will wipe away and destroy all the goodness you have going on with one simple comment, that goes something like this: “I wish I had the confidence to pull off something so see-through.” Umm … wait what? Are you saying I look good and confident, or are you really telling me my outfit is see-through?

When you receive a compliment, all you should be doing is blushing and saying how flattered you are … and a little taken back by how nice this person is being. Your hand will go to your heart and your face will shift as your are saying “Awww!” and then you will say, “oh my GAWD … THANKS!” You might even give them a little friendly shoulder punch. It will feel like a breath of fresh air. It will feel like spring time with no humidity. It will feel like the first sip of wine after a heinous week. It will make you glow.

Backhanded compliments, on the other hand (no pun intended), deserve to go to the back door. What is the damn point?! Are you THAT insecure that you feel the need to insult me, yet don’t have the balls to follow through so you just sugar-coat it with a little positive adjective to make me feel all warm inside?

You know when you’re given a backhanded compliment when you start to say, “thaaaan…” but stop and say, “wait, what?” instead to yourself. You still say, “thanks” minus the blushing and the feeling of taking that first sip of wine after a shitty week feeling. Because really, you are trying to dissect what the person just said to you and see if it truly was a compliment. Most of the time, if you are scratching your head in confusion … it was a backhanded compliment. I think we should change it to something more delightful like, “YOU JUST GOT BHC-ed!” I’ll come up with some hand motion to go with it shortly. Hey, it’s a work in progress.

Now I get it, you are probably saying, “seriously … what the hell are you talking about. Maybe you should stop being so paranoid and just accept a compliment when it is given and stop being a bitch,” But let me give you a taste of some common BHC’s that you (probably) have encountered. And then I will do the “I told you so dance” … ahem:

“You’re so fortunate that you can go shopping so much when you don’t have family and a mortgage.”

“It’s so refreshing to meet someone who likes simple things.”

“I love that you don’t care what people think!”

“You’re so brave for wearing that.”

Grrr ::shaking fist::: just stop. Everyone stop BHC-ing one another, for the love of sweet Jesus. Didn’t your parents teach you, “when you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all?” They probably did, except some asshole found a loophole, also known as backhanded compliments and that is how people get around it. Listen, you either like something or you don’t. I don’t think people should shell out compliments unless they are REALLY passionate about something. Like if I see a girl walking down the street in shoes I would sell my mother for, I would say, “hey …random girl … those shoes RULE!” And then she would think I was hitting on her … and probably run away, but come on, you know what I’m saying!

So I challenge you all to give a REAL compliment today. Don’t bring someone else down just because you are feeling shitty and jealous … just do it. It will feel good. If it doesn’t … well, there is always wine.



Meet My New Obsession: Compliment.

IMG_2602I’m a firm believer in putting yourself in other people’s shoes. Why? Because you have no idea what is going on behind the scenes. You think you may know … but in reality, you have no idea. Think of all the shit you keep bottled up. If only life gave us an electric yellow emotional Post-it to slap on our foreheads so we can write things like, “yeah … just broke up with boyfriend … Back. Off,” and have everyone leave us alone. ::Sigh::: But alas, it has not been invented yet.

I, for example, have been feeling a little blue these past few weeks, for reasons I will not disclose here because the electric yellow emotional Post-it has yet to be invented. But when I got my very first jewelry delivery from Compliment this week, all of a sudden it was like I got sparked back into the glorious land of unicorns, sunshine and baby kittens.

I came across Compliment and immediately was drawn to it simply because of Melissa, the founder and creative director, and her lovely skill for crafting handmade (no two pieces are exactly the same) fashion-forward jewelry, as well as her theory that, “sometimes people around us could use a boost … something to uplift. Something to build them up. One easy way is to give them a sincere compliment.”



So I opened my little brown Compliment box only to find a beautiful piece of jewelry accompanied by a simple typed note stating, “You Are Marvelous.” Each box had a different compliment, and each one put a bigger smile on my face. Why? Because it was something special, something different, something so unexpected, yet uplifting. It is very easy to go buy a friend in need a card, bottle of wine, even a piece of jewelry from his/her fav store. But to send them something original from Compliment with a short and sweet note letting them know how fantastic they are … well, that is the right kind of medicine to help anyone in need.

Nowadays everything is so damn competitive and literally at an 11 at all times. I swear I blame the reality TV :::shaking fist::: Everyone is yelling, at each other’s throats, talking shit, spreading rumors … OY. Enough … instead, acknowledge a friend/family member/co-worker/ frenemy in need and send them a little something with a reminder that everything is okay. That they are bad ass and important in this world. Acknowledge them … because sometimes that is all it takes. A little something special and a nod that they are recognized.

So I insist you check out Compliment. I’m a sucker for fantastic packaging … and this rocks. I’m also a huge fan of the punctuation in the names of the jewelry. Period. Seriously. So thank you to Compliment and Melissa for making my blues fade away a bit!

And you know what … I am marvelous … dammit!

For more information on Compliment, tweet them @ShopCompliment or visit their website!