Down With Plus Size

CaptureI was watching E! News the other day where they were talking about this stick figure model who is considered “plus size.” And then I kicked my TV in, set fire to it, and ran out of my house screaming madly like a crazy person. No. That didn’t actually happen, but you understand how frustrating that is to hear, right?

What the hell, society? Seriously. How sick is it that this woman (shown to the left) is considered to be “plus size.” And quite frankly, who makes these decisions? Huh? Some big shot at some corporation got together with the “board of big shots” and decided, “yes … let’s teach the women of our country that being frail and freakishly thin is the chic decision to make … no matter what health complications come from it.” (Ps. I image them all to be wearing top hats, smoking pipes, and all having handle bar mustaches with curls at the end … and monocles. Definitely monocles are involved.)

No no … don’t you dare take an interest in good food or cuisine, ladies otherwise you will become “PLUS SIZE!” DUN DUUUUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN! :::lightning bolt and bats flying about::: They are treating the term “plus size” like it is the black plague that shows like the Twilight Zone would cover. Oh no, don’t eat that cupcake or the Plus Size Plague will get ya! Run bitches!

In all seriousness, this needs to stop. It’s a damn size, and you know what? No ones business. How about that. Do you tell people how much money is in your account? Or how much money you make a year? Or how many people you’ve slept with? Then you don’t need to disclose your size in clothing.

I’ll come out and say that the size I wear is totally considered “plus size.” If I wanted to take an interest in modeling, I wouldn’t be rubbing shoulders with the likes of Cara Delevingne or Kate Moss, nope I would be on the D List runway with the “plus size” models. The only celebrities at the fashion shows would be like reality stars, Bret Michaels and Fabio. Woof. But the funny thing is, most women, the normal ones who are healthy, work out, and indulge in the goodness of life, are considered “plus size.” And all of a sudden makes all of them, including me, spiral out thinking, “I’m not good enough, I’m fat, I’m ugly, I have rolls, no one will ever want me.”

Well screw that. Every woman’s body is different. And that is what makes every woman awesome. We need to embrace our size instead of fearing that we will have to walk around with the scarlet “Plus Size” strapped to our asses. And those big shots with the pipes, top hats and monocles, really need to re-think this whole “plus size” business. Sizes are sizes. Numbers are numbers. Just because a size goes past a certain number and is two digits (gasp) doesn’t mean you need to make us out to be freaks of fashion nature, alright?

Down with the term “Plus Size,” I say. Burn it at the stake!

Photo credit:

Carbs and Candy and Cocktails … OH MY!

I’m in no way, shape or form model material. I may be the right height, but if I had to not eat carbs, chocolate and refrain from cocktails I would probably start foaming at the mouth and viscously attacking innocent civilians on the street. Real talk. For example, to be a model you need to have self-control whilst walking through the Halloween candy aisle at the grocery store. Me … well I find myself purchasing extra-large Reese’s in Pumpkin form because I A. love chocolate and B. love peanut butter and C. love Halloween … duh.

But I just read a very disturbing article on about the crazytown things models do or get talked into doing to stay thin. Starving yourself is apparently soooo early 2000’s. Instead, this is what is en vogue … ugh:

Modeling Agents Pushing Girls to do Cocaine and Speed: What? How do these agents live with themselves? Not only are you telling girls it’s okay to do drugs for the sake of their careers, that … let’s be honest, won’t last for more than five years, unless you are the born again Kate Moss, only to turn them into washed up drug addicts. People need to understand that modeling isn’t a forever thing, but a drug problem or dying due to drugs is. #NotWorthIt

500 Calorie Plans: I know hoagies that have more than 500 calories! I really can’t comprehend, my brain just doesn’t understand. I would need to basically choose between the beer I drink and a sandwich as my “food/drink” of choice for the day … and that is it. No piece of candy to make me feel better when I’m having a shit day, no large pizza all to myself when I’m PMS. Nothing. And this is where I would go on my murderous rampage.

Eating Cotton Balls: Do people hear themselves when they say, “yeah I eat cotton balls to curb my appetite”? Is the fashion world so diluted that a statement like that actually sounds normal like, “yeah … I jogged two miles before work yesterday.” I literally would be vomming cotton everywhere. Is cotton calorie-free? I do believe sticks of gum are calorie-free too … just sayin’ … you have other options, ladies.

Getting Injections: IN-JECT-IONS! Girls, unless a man or woman who has a distinguished medical school degree is holding a needle in order to give me some sort of shot to cure me of something and or give me some sort of vaccination … then eff off. In what world is getting a shot in your THYROID to speed up your metabolism a good idea? The answer is in no world, not even in fake, made up worlds. So next time you feel the need to do this, I want you to do the following: Smack the needle out of the “doctors” hand (and I’m using quotes because it is hard to believe any respectable doctor would ACTUALLY give models shots in their thyroid to speed up their metabolisms … but that’s just me), smack the “doctor” across the face, scream, “NOT UP IN HERE!” then catwalk out of that bitch.

Everyone wants to be thin and everyone wants designer clothes …myself included. I’m one of those girls who is always asking friends and family if I look skinny. Sad but true fact about yours truly. But being able to see your bones isn’t chic. Getting shots, doing drugs and eating things that shouldn’t be eaten … isn’t chic.

You know what is chic? Being at a healthy weight. Enjoying everything in moderation. Having a little junk in your trunk. I loathe her for numerous reasons, but look at Kim Kardashian. Definitely not a stick figure, but she models and is GORG … I’ll give her that much. And if you hate Kim Kardashian and don’t want to hear this nonsense, well how about this: Marilyn Monroe. She was a size 12. Not 2. 12. Chew on that, models of America.