Life Sucks In A Strapless Bra’s Favorite Things … 2014

December 16, 2014.Reading time 7 minutes.

This time of year warms my black heart. The lights, the shiny things, the opportunity to brighten someone’s day by buying them something their heart desires. I mean, it truly is delicious.

Except when you can’t figure out what the hell to buy. When you hit that brick wall, all of a sudden your body fills with rage, anxiety, and panic … forcing you to enter Bath & Body Works in a desperate attempt to buy whatever kinds of Cucumber Melon scented shit you can find (and nobody REALLY likes anything from Bath & Body Works, right?) I know, I know, I’m such a BBW hater, I realize this.

So if you’ve hit said brick wall, I want you to brace yourself because something magical is about to happen. Oh yeah … wait … let me get my best Oprah voice on … ahem … it’s LIFE SUCKS IN A STRAPLESS BRA’S FAVORITE THINGS … 2014 STYLEY! Ahhhhh! Ensue pandemonium.

As much as I would love to virtually shove free shit at you in an Oprah-esque fashion, leading to your heads to pop off, I unfortunately cannot. BUT … I hope the list of some of my favorite things will inspire your gift buying experience. And like I said yesterday, it is a-okay to buy yourself something shiny, too.

So let’s do this thing, shall we?

1. Benefit Erase Paste: This shit will take you from tired, hungover, puffy-eyed mess to bright and alive human being. I consider this my magical elixir of life.

2. Aritzia Parka: I don’t believe in having to sacrifice style for warmth. And that is why this parka is a dream. Fur hood, doesn’t make you look like a shapeless brick of down. And waterproof. You could totally rock this skiing or a night out with the ladies. Just don’t get drunk and forget it. This guy is kind of pricy.

3. Muffler (No, not the car part): Old world style fascinates me. The idea of getting dolled up to go to the movies and/or the mall instead of wearing sweats that have PINK tattooed across the asses of women all over the world makes me really happy. And nothing is more stylish than a muffler. Nothing. Gloves be gone, time to get down with this guy.

4. Glossier: I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, Emily Weiss is my spirit animal. And her products from the packaging to the rad stickers to the amazing effects they have on your skin is genius. Pure genius. Slow clap for this bitch.

5. Chicago-Style Popcorn: Umm yeah, food can be fashionable, right? Especially when you combine something as random as caramel popcorn with cheddar popcorn to create this scrumtrilescent mixture of pure mouth pleasures. Oh yeah. Mouth pleasures, popcorn-styley. It may seem gross, but the cheese and sugary mixture is kind of perfect.

6. Cats: Wait, what? I know, I know, I’m a crazy cat lady. Blah, blah, blah, etc. But really this is just about loving animals, specifically cats, though. There are so many that need to be adopted (no, I’m not going to get all crazy eHarmony girl and start crying on you), but for the right person, a cat can be an amazing partner in crime … and an awesome thing to Instagram. I mean, welcome to my life. I’m a huge supporter of the AWA, where I adopted my cat, Ellsworth. Check them out and do the right thing. Or at least donate money, food, your time … something. (By the way, yes that is my lovely cat … but you can’t have her)

7. NARS lipstick: I know this is so clique, but if you are feeling down and put on an amazing colored lipstick, you all of a sudden get this bad ass urge to take shit down. Seriously, I’ll throw on a lip color on a Sunday while I’m doing laundry just for funsies. Shanghai Express is my jam, but it is notoriously always sold out. A sales person at Nordstrom once told me to buy in bulk, no joke.

8. H&M Jewels: I’ve become a statement necklace whore, and the most compliments I receive are from my statement necklaces from H&M. And it shocks people when I tell them they are from H&M. Gotta say their jewelry game is on point this season, and price points aren’t ridiculous. You just gotta care for them. They are delicate little guys. Unfortunately their e-commerce store doesn’t have the same caliber of jewels as in-store, so bring it on down to your local H&M.

9. The Perfect Blanket: Screw babies, every adult needs a blanket. There is nothing better in life than coming home after a day of life bitch slapping you and hiding underneath the comfort of your favorite blanket as you binge watch Netflix and chug wine.

10. Blanket Scarves: And when it isn’t socially acceptable to walk around all day with your blanket on, enter blanket scarves stage right. I first knew I was obsessed with them when I saw a friend of mine wearing one and wanted to rip the thing off of her and run away. I love a scarf with options, you know? Blanket, scarf, invisibility cloak. You name it.

These Are A Few Of My Fav Things!

November 30, 2011.Reading time 7 minutes.

First things first, who is impressed by my mind-blowing “paint” skills to make the picture attached? Anyone? Anyone? No one?

Okay so Oprah did it, every editor and their mom do it now, so therefore I shall share with you all my favorite things. No I will not be handing out school buses and Dodge Neon’s … and I really don’t want my readers to get so excited and hyped up that their eyes roll to the backs of their heads like Oprah’s audience did. Ick.

I’ve been personally bothered by some recent “holiday wish lists” from editors. I was so excited to read them in anticipation that I might discover something super cool. Sure, I think the YSL Calf Hair Bag is something super cool that could interest me … but for $1,995 … even Santa would laugh in my face.

So what I’ve created is like a love child of “my favorite things” and my “Santa wish list.” Most of it is realistic, obtainable, kissable and down right fantastic. Of course, you always put that one outlandish thing on your Santa wish list in hopes he can fit it in his sleigh, so therefore I may have one or two crazytown items … I just couldn’t resist. This post isn’t the end all be all of my fav things … there will be more to come. But for now, if you are as frustrated and annoyed as I am with editors listing things you would have to sell an organ to obtain … then welcome to my world.

1. Paul Mitchell Super Skinny Serum I take a 450 degree flat-iron to my hair every day. People wonder how my hair isn’t fried and or how I even still have hair, but I do because I condition it before I burn the crap out of it with this magical serum. It adds shine, smells fabulous and can be found at any drug store for around $20, but it will last forever.

2. Snap You’re Fab Smashbox Lip Gloss Set- Okay just the name alone is worth purchasing. Santa got this for me last year and some of the lip glosses are still in my purse as I type. They aren’t too sticky and you will be snapping away because the colors are lusciously fabulous. They are just a fun little gift to buy yourself with a to die for price tag.

3. Circle Scarves– I have two and probably could use 50 more. I live in them, I sleep in them, I use them as my own form of a less creepy Snuggie, I drool on them … they are heaven. At first you might be freaked out by how much fabric they have, but all the more to get creative with them. I don’t care if they are hispter-esque, I kiss mine daily.

4. Come to Bed Red Nail Polish- Red nail polish had turned into my “thing” because to me, right now, there is nothing better than a red nail. I’ve been cheating on OPI with Butter, so this is my fav color right now. Two coats and you a ravishing red vixen.

5. Chapstick Medicated- Okay no, I do not have diseased lips or sores or anything gross going on. But this flavor really instantaneously heals chapped lips, especially since it is getting so cold. Who doesn’t want smooth, kissable lips. So just peel off the stupid label so no one things you have herpes or something and rock on.

6. Goldfish- I bet you are thinking, what the hell am I on right now, but if I was to hand out to all my readers a little goodie bag full of my favorite things, these would most certainly be in there. They are tasty, cute and I don’t feel fat whilst eating them or after eating them.

7. Marc Jacobs Quilting Sullivan Shoulder Bag- Dear Santa, if you are reading this … I’ve been an awful good girl this year :::batting eye lashes:::: Pa-pa-pa-please leave this bag for me underneath my Christmas tree. Love, Kate.

8. Sam Edelman ‘Roza’ Pump- Every time I go to Nordstrom in the shoe department, I see these shoes and like try to make out with them. Sure, you could use them as a weapon, but at least you don’t have to carry around mace or a rape whistle! I mean every girl needs a fabulous pair of heels, and this season, these happen to be it for me.

9. Disco Ball– All I ever wanted in life was a disco ball, and finally someone realized I wasn’t kidding and got one for me for my 21st birthday. I then proceeded to bring it out with me that night. It now hangs from the middle of my ceiling in my room and whenever I look at it I smile … how could you not?

10. Yoga Classes- I hated working out, I hated going on a treadmill because every time I do some random stranger tries to strike up a convo with me, even with ear buds in place. I don’t like running, unless there is a tarantula coming my way … so when I found sanctuary in a yoga studio, it was heaven. Soothing, intense, relaxing, fulfilling, inspiring, it really is so worth the money, because I know how crazytown expensive these classes can be. LivingSocial has some GREAT deals, so take advantage and center yourself. Namaste in advance friends, namaste.

So there they are, my 10 fav things for today. Some are obtainable, some just make my happy on a daily basis, some are crazed … but that is the fun in making lists like these.