The Evolution Of A Forever 21 Shopper

When I first met Forever 21, I had just graduated high school and was transforming from an Abercrombie gal to something more “edgy” (whatever the eff that meant). I remember purchasing a tube top dress that had apples all over it thinking it was quirky and “out there.” See below? Yeah … I don’t know what I was thinking either.

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F21 was there for me when I needed something spectacular to wear for my 21st birthday and had little to no money to my name. The dress I bought I deemed “F21 couture” simply because it cost more than $30 and was sparkly.

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And below, yep, this is basically what I wore every night out in college. A sultry “going out” top from Forever 21, boot cut jeans, no coat in the middle of the winter, and heels. Uh huh … I bet you’re enjoying this.

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When I graduated college, I moved back home and was completely lost in life. I was making money, but thought luxury was being able to buy everything and anything at F21 since for so long I had to make $20 go far. I also did NOT take care of my clothing (it literally all lived on my bedroom floor). Oh yeah … and I also wanted to be Lady Gaga … desperately. You can tell by the sunglasses I bought at … you guessed it … F21, duck face, and sparkly shirt I’m wearing below (I actually still have that top). (Good God, self). 

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For the past two years or so, I’ve taken a break from Forever 21, simply because there wasn’t one close to me, leading me to explore other stores and my sense of style. Not to mention Philly has really upped its shopping game adding a Century 21, which, quite frankly, made me the happiest person on the planet. 

I started investing in “pieces” and better brands. I became friends with dry cleaners and cobblers, and started to take an interest in my closet organization. Never again did a piece of my hard earned clothing ever take refuge on my bedroom floor (unless I was hungover)

But this past weekend I went back to my old stomping grounds of F21. It was kind of like visiting my alma-mater. The familiar overwhelming feeling of being faced with racks and racks stuffed with too many clothes warmed my soul. 

Instead of collecting everything and anything that caught my eye to try on like I did once upon a time, I found myself feeling the fabric, looking at the quality, and seeing if the piece was “timeless” instead of “trendy.” 

A camel-colored coat caught my eye, so I tried it on. Me five years ago would have purchased it and thought she resembled Kim Kardashian. But modern day me was too caught up in how the fabric looked wrinkled and cheap, something a camel coat should never be, regardless if it was $60, so I passed. 

After trying on 14 items, I walked away with one. One. A plain jane sweater that was snuggly and something I needed to go with a dress I already owned. What had happened to me and F21?

I was certain that when I turned 30, 40, even 50, I would still be shopping at Forever 21. But as I walked out of the store, I kind of felt like I was turning around and saying, “it’s me … not you!” I knew we were breaking up … and it made me incredibly sad. 

People like to hate on Forever 21 and say it’s cheap and silly. I know for a fact without it existing, I could have never explored and found my personal style so easily. And I’m not saying we broke up because I’m so fancy now and only shop at Saks Fifth Avenue and wear Manolo Blaniks and turn my nose up at it :::hair flip:::. Hell no. I have the highest respect for F21. I just think my taste has grown-up a bit. I’m 28, for crying out loud, it happens.

With all of this being said, would I re-think the apple tube dress? Meeeeeh probably.

One Shoe Blues

ep50_carrie_tripping_runwayThis weekend I started doing an audit of my shoes since it’s almost boots season (eeeeeeeeeee), and I noticed that some, if not all, of my flip-flops and sandals need to be burned. Clearly I did some walkin’ this summer. Which brings me to what I call Life Sucks In A Strapless Bra story time. Gather around, kids … this is a story about probably one of most monumental wardrobe malfunctions of my summer:

As a preface, I would like to state that I was 87% sober when this event occurred. 

Picture it: Labor Day Weekend 2013. Made in America concert. Well … outside of the Made in America concert. My friend and I made this genius assumption that since there was only an hour left until Beyoncé went on stage ticket prices would absolutely be lowered from $150. Genius. Until some intimidating sales person told us, “NOPE still $150, ya comin’ or goin’, ladies?!” Cool. I wasn’t too bummed, though. The sea of trash trucks blocking off streets like something out of Batman (Christian Bale Batman, not Michael Keaton Batman), concert goers wrapped in American flags, girls who looked like Urban Outfitters threw up all over them throwing their iPhones at me to snap a pic of her and the beeeeeeessssssssssties in front of the Made in America sign … um yeah … let’s just say we backed away slowly.

So we decided to walk on down the Parkway for a nice stroll. A stroll that ended up us pretty much walking around the entire city, but I digress. More importantly, a stroll that my Forever 21 sandals that I had worn for two summers clearly couldn’t handle.

Now before you guys roll your eyes at me and say, “listen, I totally know where this is going and you are a damn fool for buying shoes at Forever 21,” I would like to say to you … CHILL OUT, MAN AND LET ME FINISH MY DAMN STORY!

Ahem, where was I? Ahh yes, the Parkway. It was a lovely humid evening, and the farther you got from the concert, the more the city felt completely abandoned. I found myself looking at black SUVs and wondering if young Blue Carter was inside with Momma Bey. Checking out the beauty of the museums. Enjoying light conversation about where to find margaritas close by with my friend (I told you it was really humid out). And then it happened. Mid-sentence I, out of nowhere, trip. In slow motion (at least in my head), my sandal literally folds in half as I lean forward preparing to fall (I probably made a really awesome face during all of this, too). Luckily my cat-like reflexes stopped me from actually falling, but when I looked down, I found the thong part of my sandal hanging on by a literal thread. How poetic.

There I was. At the end of the Parkway with my one sandal in ruins, picturing myself walking around the city barefoot, contracting numerous flesh-eating viruses as onlookers pointed and laughed, and desperately praying that Payless would pop up magically.

Since I had one thread holding my sandal together, I decided to use what the Gods gave me … and walk on, with my head held high. Well … I’ll use the term “walk” lightly. I ended up having to do this really strange swagger, and no, words just wouldn’t do it justice. I’ll let you use your imaginations for that one. Enjoy.

So the point of all of this is that I want to give Forever 21 a slow clap, and at the same time I would like to do a touchdown dance in front of all the Forever 21 shoe haters, because that sandal that was hanging on by an actual thread didn’t break for the rest of the evening. The little guy stayed strong. I was in awe. Sure I had to walk like an idiot for the rest of the evening, but at least I didn’t have to go barefoot and die. Am I right?

So the moral of this story is, Forever 21 shoes are not only cute, cheap, and awesome … but can pretty much withstand anything with a little hope and a lot of awkward swagger.

The end. 

Hey … Remember 2001?!

imagesWhether you were a teenager 5, 10, 15, 20 … etc. etc. etc., :::cough::: … years ago, there is probably a part of you that would love to hop in the DeLorean and bitch slap your younger self. Why? Because you were an idiot. Admit it. Laugh, take a sip of wine, and admit it … for the love.

During a very “stylish chat” with fellow bloggers today, it made me think about my time as a teen. Yeesh. That’s all I have to say about that. I was in the throes of my teenage years during the zeros? The 00’s? The early 2000’s? What the hell are we calling that decade anyways? Whatever … regardless, the saying, “I wish that I knew what I know now, like when I was younger,” is so true. I wish my 26-year-old self could tap my 13-18 year-old self on the shoulder and say something like, “Ey you, stop acting a fool. Kay thanks, byeeeee.” But alas, that kind of technology hasn’t been invented yet.

So if I could hop in my fire engine red DeLorean and stop myself from doing idiotic things … here’s what they would be … ahem:

1. Chill With The “OMG’s” and “WTF’s”: The chances of you and your friend or frenemy that spread the rumor around school that you once made out with a hot dog (Mean Girls … ayeoooo), still being friends outside of your teenage-dom … is slim to none. You’ll walk away with two, maybe three friends from high school. “No no no … but we are like best frien …” I’m going to stop you there. You don’t think you’ll lose touch, but you will. College will happen, new friends will swoop in, then internship friends, then real life friends … then you’ll be saying high school who? Right. So chill with the drama. For reals … this “real world” your teachers and parents keep talking to you about does actually exist … and blows. Badly. Save your tears and reality TV drama moments for when you get verbally beat down by your boss for the first time. Boom.

2. Wear Your Damn Rubber Bands/Retainer: Because when you’re 26, your bottom teeth will be jacked. And you will be pissed that you went through all that pain to have your teeth go back to the way God intended them to be. Like really pissed. Now you have to start pricing out God damn Invisalign so you don’t have to look like Faith Hill at the Grammy’s.

3. Get. Out. Of. The. Sun: Wrinkles aren’t just for mom-mom’s. And skin tags … they really do exist. And for the love of Jesus, you’ll still get tan whilst wearing SPF 30. And my GOD no one gives a shit that you have a tan line of a Playboy bunny on your hip from the tanning salon. Cancer. Yeah … that’s a real thing too. Hats. Umbrellas. SPF 70. I don’t care what the hell you do … just take care of your skin, for the love of God. Hmmm people liking me because I’m sun-kissed … or cancer? People liking me because I’m sun-kissed … or cancer?

4. Stop Giving A Shit What People Think: It won’t matter. Ever. Like never ever. You think those girls gossiping in the corner before Home Room will haunt you the rest of your life? Nope. The minute you get handed your diploma, they will fall into the dark abyss of your memory never to return again (unless you want to rock your reunion … which I don’t suggest … unless you really want to stick it to them, then go for the gold). Wear what you want, and don’t just give in to trends because everyone else is doing it. Not expressing yourself will be the biggest regret of them all. Instead of standing out, you will fade into the velour cloud of Juicy sweat suits. Vom.

5. Start Becoming One With Healthy Foods: Your fab metabolism … won’t last forever. No matter how long you think it will … it won’t. Your ass will start giggling, you will get stretch marks, and all because you got addicted to shit food and soft drinks in your younger years. Humus, meet mouth … mouth … meet humus.

P.S.: Stop thinking you are going to move to New York City to become J. Lo’s next back up dancer, draining your mother’s bank account with hours of dance lessons and $90 dance costumes made of plether and other very flammable fabrics. Instead … hit the yoga studio. ASAP. Kay, thanks.

5. Tell Name Brands To Suck It: There will be this mystical store in the future called Forever 21 that will be a game changer, where you can get fashion forward, rich looking outfits … for literally nothing. Brands like Juicy Couture, Hard Tail, Michael Stars, Mavi, Seven, etc. … won’t mean anything. Also, teenagers shouldn’t carry around designer handbags unless they can buy it for themselves, they happen to have rock stars for parents, or they did something like cure cancer. Otherwise it just looks ridiculous. Word.

Now if only my actual adult self could come calm my on-edge 26-year-old ass and tell me everything was going to a-okay and that I would end up publishing Life Sucks In A Strapless Bra, and ride off into the sunset on a unicorn with Justin Timberlake.

Teach Me How To Online Shop

Okay, so some people want to learn how to “Dougie.” Me … well … I want to learn how to successfully shop online.

I come across like a girl who can online shop her ass off, I know I do. But I’m afraid, friends that it is all a sick allusion. What I lack in online shopping skills, I more than make up for in actual in-store shopping, so at least I have that going for me.

With one click of a browser button, we literally have the world’s largest mall at our finger tips. Anything you could ever fathom or want is right there, it is just a matter of finding it. I remember when I was little I would think of these crazy outfits in my head and would get so frustrated because I couldn’t find them anywhere. And hell, let’s be honest, I still think of these grandiose, perfect outfits that don’t exist. But online shopping makes them a reality … a reality that for some reason I cannot pull the trigger on.

So I was looking for a specific dress. I designed it in my head and decided to take the time and scour the Internet looking for it. It was cotton, quarter length sleeves, either v-neck or boat neck, just not turtle neck or scoop neck, color was flexible, length was to my knee and it couldn’t be too tight. You know, not specific or anything at all. But fantastic websites like Shopstyle.com and ASOS.com make dresses like the one I dreamed up very easy to find. You can specify price, color, size, make … I mean the options are endless. And even though I was specially looking for something, I wanted to keep an open mind. If I was going to successfully online shop, I was going to give it my a-game.

ASOS.com, for example, had pages and pages AND PAGES of dresses. Any kind of style, shape, color, size, if you were pregnant, curvy, petite, there was something for you. They even had a video of a model walking the runway wearing the dress so you could see how it moved. I spent what felt like hours on here, throwing stuff in my cart, some for realsies, some for funsies. And then, after I decided I wasted  enough of my life on this site, I checked out my cart.

I don’t know what it was, perhaps that I was dealing with a fake cart with pictures of potential items I had never touched within it, but it was ridiculously easy for me to be like, “eh, I don’t need it.” “Who do I think I am trying to rock this.” “Honestly, that color would never work.” But here is the thing. When I shop at Forever 21, probably 63% (I know that is a random number, but it is 95.6% accurate) of the stuff I try on is for “funsies” and I usually end up liking a lot of it. Or I’ll have too much in the “yes” pile and find myself constructing crazy reasons for me to buy all of it … which usually works. “This makes me look super skinny, SOLD.” “I can totally wear this leather skirt to work, with a tasteful cardigan of course.” But here I am, all of this stuff in my fake online cart, and I toss EVERYTHING. After all of that time shopping online, I walked away empty-handed. Awful. Who gets shoppers remorse whilst online shopping? This guy.

My issue is that I see more cons than pros with this form of shopping. Yes, I have a sea of options in my size and everything, but it is almost overwhelming. So when it comes down to it, here is why I can’t online shop.

1. I have Varuka Sault disease … meaning I want it NOW DADDY! Uh huh … I don’t want to wait 5 business days to get my goods. And quite frankly I’m too cheap to pay for express shipping. If I’m shelling out dollah dollah bills, I want the product in front of me instantaneously. Hey Bill Gates, why don’t you make a computer that can print out Forever 21 clothes … hmmm new invention much?  You’re welcome.

2. I hate not knowing what I’m getting. Sure, I can look at their measurement chart and figure out the right size, but the fabric could be shit, the cut could be all wrong, the color, which looked like a normal blue, could, in reality, look like an electric, neon, cracked out blue. Honestly, after waiting for something, getting it and then realizing it is insanely ugly is a big risk for me, for anyone. What a let down. I’m in advertising, okay … I know the sneaky tricks of making something heinous looking look like it was birthed from Lagerfeld himself. You aren’t fooling me, no sir.

3. Like I said, because it isn’t in front of me, I become seduced by shoppers remorse. All of a sudden I don’t need those 15 shirts because staring at a picture of some hot model rocking it isn’t stopping me  front thinking, “hmm … I could just wait a day and go to the mall and find exactly what I’m looking for.” CLICK, CLICK … DELETED.

So at the end of the day, the only time I successfully online shop is when I find something in the store that I love so much I would sell myself on the black market to own and it isn’t in my size. Then I run to my computer and purchase. Or during Christmas time, because bitches be crazy in the mall during this time and I want NOTHING to do with that section of existence.

True, having clothes or accessories come in the mail is a really fun treat to have to look forward to. But in the words of Carrie Bradshaw, I can’t online shop, shopping is my cardio.” Word, Bradshaw, word.

The Best Of The Best Of The Best … 2011 Styley

The ball is about to drop kiddos, and I don’t know about you but I am welcoming 2012 with open arms. Hell, I might even make out with it a little bit … good riddens to ya 2011. But on that note, it has been a fabulous year for fashion and for this blog. So I would like to share with you what I like to call “The Best Of The Best Of The Best … 2011 Styley” list. The things that inspired me, the trends I loved, the trends I didn’t think I was going to love but did, the trends I wanted to punt … you get the gist.

So here it is ladies and gents, join me in bidding 2011 adieu.

Best Fashion Website:

The winner goes to Refiney29.com. I don’t even know how I stumbled upon it, but I live on it now. My favorite thing about the site is that they not only discuss trends, but supply these fabulous slide shows of where you can get the trends from $10 to $1,000. Genius. From cool new ways to wear a trend, to hangover cures, to cool artists who vomit paint onto a canvas, this site inspires me everyday … and has enhanced my wardrobe quite a bit.

Old School Trend I Didn’t Think I Would Ever Rock: 

The jean jacket. For the love of God, I thought I retired that nonsense back in the second grade, along with my bedazzler. But when I invested in a maxi skirt and had nothing respectable to wear with it besides a blazer, which made me look like a weird school marm, I drove myself to H&M and invest in a jean jacket. It was my go-to for everything maxi this summer. Sure, there were some days when I looked like Brenda Walsh from 90210, but it was a very stylish retro look that I couldn’t get enough of.

Style Stud Inspiration: 

Lady Gaga … I know I know, the woman looks like she gets dressed in a hurricane everyday and is wild and how could she EVER inspire my sense of style, blah blah blah. I’m not saying I’m walking about in nothing but a leather jacket, ripped fish nets, black and white hair and heelless boots, I’m absolutely not. But the reason she inspired me this year is her confidence with fashion. There are days when I stare at a leather skirt in my closet and wonder to myself, it is too much, is it too short, will I look like a hooker? When if it was her, it wouldn’t even be a thought. She loves fashion and she isn’t afraid to pull those crazytown couture looks off the runway, you know the ones that are only seen by like 20 people, while the rest of us are scared of them, and make them her own. We should all take a page from her book, think of how freeing it will be.

Favorite Accessory: 

I absolutely had a cuff addiction this year. Not just a cuff addiction but a cuff and big watch addiction. I didn’t really care about the necklaces or the rings or the other nonsense. But give me a sparkly or bold cuff and a menswear watch and I was in heaven. My wrists were very loved this year.

Favorite Store: 

I’m a Forever 21 and H&M girl at heart. But this year I had a secret love affair with Zara. I would drive my car into the city and literally wander around Zara for hours with piles and piles of clothes, allowing myself to try things on for “funsies.” And usually those were the things I fell in love with. From the color blocking, to the original dresses, I was in heaven. In fact, I’m going through withdrawal as I type.

Favorite Nail Polish:

Again, I’m usually an OPI girl, but a little sale and I started cheating on OPI with Butter. From the packaging to the colors themselves, they are fabulous and for some odd reason really make me feel special. I usually switch between black, nude, navy and red … but at the end of the day, my nails are usually red 85% of the time. I highly recommend Come To The Bed … it is my life. I’ve already gone through two bottles … I did the impossible, I finished 2 whole bottles of nail polish!

Biggest Trend Failure:

Tail hemlines. Ugh. I loved them, loved, loved, loved. So I invest in a sheer, pink (first fail) tail hemline skirt, thinking I could make it a little edgier with a pair of biker boots and a plain white T-shirt with a lot of bling. Instead I ended up looking like a cracked out ballerina. You know that scene from Ace Ventura when he goes to the loony bin wearing a tutu … yep, that was me. I got violently angry every time I tried to mold it into something fantastic. I even tried a tail hemline shirt, but ended up looking like I was going to Poison concert circa 1982 with my belly slightly exposed. Gross, I despise you.

Trend I Couldn’t Live Without: 

With the crazytown weather we had this summer, I would have been utterly lost without my maxi dresses. In fact, I am looking into long sleeve maxi dresses right now because, yes, I miss them that much. They were romantic, stylish and EASY. Sigh, how I miss them.

Over It:

I realize I may offend like half the female population when I say this, and for that I apologize, but I’m done with the whole longer top with leggings. Over. Done with it. It isn’t because it’s not chic, but because it is played out. You know when you hear the same song on the radio so much that the minute it comes on again you want to punt your radio? Well, that is how I feel about this trend. If only it was socially acceptable to wear leggings with anything … I would be a much happier person.

Favorite Shoe Designer: 

Jeffrey Campbell, hands down. Now, of course he doesn’t design “every day” shoes, but his vision and the fact that his shoes really are art make him my fav. I personally can’t wear his shoes because I would look tranny-rific, but if you are looking for a statement piece in your wardrobe, become one with Jeffrey. I do love going to visit them in the Nordstrom shoe department though.

Best Fashion Moment:

For me, it was absolutely the McQueen exhibit at the MET in NYC … the only time standing in line for four hours was SO beyond worth it. I hope some of you got a chance to see it, and for those of you who didn’t, well I hope it comes around again. It was so moving, so powerful and so beautiful, it literally moved me to tears.

So there ya have it. I mean obviously this isn’t every thing, but definitely the ones that stuck out the most. Hmm, I wonder what crazytown things we will end up wearing in 2012 for the sake of fashion.

 

 


 

 

 

Bring Your Dressing Room A-Game

Today was the first day it actually felt like fall, in fact my hands were so cold that I’m pretty sure if some unfortunate soul had to shake my hand, they would think, “hey maybe I’m shaking hands with a vampire.” Regardless, I LOVE this chilly weather, but it calls for new fall clothes immediately.

And the malls get the cold memo instantaneously and feel the need to crank the heat up to make it feel like Satan’s den. So in order to have a successful shopping trip without having a panic attack or heat stroke, there are certain things one must wear and not wear to win this battle.

And honestly, women’s fitting rooms are a jungle. If you go to a quaint little boutique … sure, elegant sales attendants will be there to offer you champagne in beautiful suits with chic techno music playing at a relaxing pitch as you walk into your all white dressing room with a plush white chair for you to sit on if need be. But hey, most of us find ourselves in the seventh circle of Hell, a.k.a. the Forever 21 dressing room, where there are millions and millions of fashion hungry women with numerous things to try on (even though you can only bring in six pieces at a time). Babies are crying (why?!), teenagers are going wild because Susie TOTALLY stole the dress Molly was going to wear to the dance … that bitch, women are having personal conversations WAY too loud, the top 20 station is blasting at unnatural levels, it is a 1000 degrees … and then there is me. Deep breathing in my tiny little dressing room, sweating and trying to avoid a panic attack all the while focusing on getting the HELL out of there as quickly as possible.

So what should you wear to get in and out of these heinous dressing rooms as quickly and efficiently as possible?

1. Leave All Jewelry at Home- Sure we all want to act like we are on Rodeo Drive, glamorous and shopping with our girlfriends. But honey, bracelets, necklaces and big chunky rings get caught on everything adding more time onto your dressing room experience.

2. Comfy is Key- I am a big supporter of wearing leggings whilst shopping. They slip on and off very easily and sometimes you can even leave them on with certain things and still get the real impression of the look. Being fancy will get you nowhere, no one cares. Leggings are chic and easy. Period.

3. No Boots, For The Love, NO BOOTS- Unless you are shopping in Antarctica, NEVER wear boots while shopping. You’ll end up having to sit on the floor of a disgusting dressing room trying to rip them off (if they don’t have a zipper), which will make you hot and bothered before you even get started. They are stuffy, cumbersome and unnecessary, stick to chic flats.

4. Dress in Layers- You don’t always need to strip down to your skivvies to try things on, so wear a long sleeve shirt with a neutral tank underneath. That way you can just slip off the shirt and try things on with your tank.

5. Leave Your Coat in The Car- I promise you the walk from your car to the mall in the cold won’t kill you. And when you get in, a heat wave will most likely smack you in the face, so if anything, wear a cardigan that will be WAY easier to cart around with you if you get a little toasty.

6. An Oversized Purse Will Be Your BFF- Throw some water in there, some granola bars, your iPod and whatever other survival supplies you will need. A big purse will also be great for throwing in a cardigan or loose shopping bags so you don’t have to juggle 50 things while shopping.

7. There Isn’t A “One Time Only Visit” Rule in a Dressing Room- When you walk into a store, we all are guilty of getting overly excited and scooping up everything and anything to try on, but do it in shifts. Pick up five to eight things, try them on, sift through the crap, then go back out for round two. No one will judge and it will create a less chaotic visit.

Love Letter to Forever 21

Dear Forever 21,

I have been in a committed, borderline obsessed relationship with you since 2005. Even though I know our relationship has not been monogamous, since every girl ages 20-35 are pretty much in a relationship with you as well, I let it go and do what I can to make it work. Like I know I can only go visit you early in the morning or late at night so I can get peaceful, uninterrupted, quality time with you and not have to deal with those throngs of crazy ladies shuffling through your goods.

But since 2005, I have gone from a girl in college looking for cheap day-to-day clothing and “bar shirts and dresses” … to now needing and wanting a bit more, like fabric for instance on your itty bitty dresses. In college it was totally acceptable buy a cute dress that if a gust of wind came and your ass happen to show, wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.

Now I did not “sell my soul” when I got my first job or my second job. I never compromised my sense of style and to this day, have NEVER had to wear a suit to work (thank ya Jesus). But there is something said about a dress that is an appropriate length. Yes, I am 5’9 with long legs (I am not bragging), therefore every dress I try on barely covers my ass, and most of the dresses these girls can wear, I can wear as a long shirt. Do you see my frustration?

I am now 24 years old, two years deep into my career and in need of about an extra three inches on EVERY dress that is sold in your store. I’m not a prude, I’m all about rockin’ it if ya got it … but literally every single dress, minus the maxi’s, are at an inappropriate length. I know women of all ages … 34, 65, 20 and beyond that shop at your store, yet what about those ladies who love your clothes, but need to go to work and want to look edgy and fabulous? I know you are trying to keep us all “Forever 21,” but honey, I’m 24 and know deep down that THAT ship has sailed onto more tasteful, yet sassy fronts.

So please, for the sake of our relationship, invest in a bit more fabric and add some inches onto your fabulous, summer dresses. I couldn’t deal with walking into your room, trying on a fantastic dress, and realizing I look like a hooker … a hooker in a cute dress … but a hooker.

Tall girls have needs to.

Love forever and probably see you tomorrow,

Kate