ROYGBIV Hair … The Thing Of Dreams

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Sometimes I envy Kylie Jenner. And no, I SWEAR I have not gone mad.

The girl can literally wake up in the morning and say, “hey … I want blue hair!” Makes a quick phone call to her “glam squad” and with hours it is done and she is posting selfies of her new blue do on the Instagram looking all pensive and shit. There was no contemplation. There was no thinking about the consequences. There was no asking her friends what they thought. There was no thinking family members would disown her. She just did … because she can. Because if it ended up looking a hot mess, she has the power (and funds) to get it dyed back to normal the next day. Or if she gets bored with it she, again, has the power (and funds) to do the next hair big hair trend she is craving at that very second.

If I lived a “Kyle Jenner-esque” life, my hair would be a different color every week. And it wouldn’t be damaged because my “glam squad” would insure that it would stay healthy throughout the dying process. But, alas, Kris Jenner is not my mother (thank sweet Jesus). I don’t get paid thousands just to show my face at events, and brands aren’t begging my sister and I to throw our names across product lines for hipsters. I’m … ::: le sigh::: normal. To be a Kardashian or to be normal, that is the question.

Unfortunately I function in the “real world” where I have to ask myself questions before I do something drastic like dye my hair blue. Will I get fired? How will my family and friends react? Will people on the street look at me like I have 12 heads? Will I get fired? I know half of these concerns are just me being overly aware of what people think of me, and that is a personal battle (working on it every day), but I, unfortunately, whether it is just in my head or a real fear, cannot just wake up and dye my hair a random color. And quite frankly … it’s a bummer. Because like I said, my hair would be a different color every week.

Vidal Sassoon just came out with box dye for bright red, purple, or blue colors. I thought to myself, “finally … out-of-the-box hair colors are going mainstream … this is my chance!” Perhaps I could do the blue, and the blue would look more black then blue and wouldn’t be THAT shocking. Right? Buuuuuut after the DIY ombre disaster of 2013, I refuse to ever dye my hair something crazytown myself. Lesson. Learned. The hard way, of course.

To the ladies strutting down the street with ROYGBIV hair colors, I envy you and applaud you. I adore it, actually. No I refuse to not roll my eyes and say “bitch please” under my breath when you pass me out of sheer jealously … even though I kind of want to, but it would only be out of jealously, I swear. ROYGBIV hair for me is a bucket list item for sure, probably above bungie jumping (which would involve me overcoming my fear of heights … which is a WHOLE different story).

 

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Will My Future Self Despise My 2011 Hair?

So last night I found myself watching When Harry Met Sally … admiring how natural, adorable and cute Meg Ryan was in the 80’s … in fact I do believe she was the fantasy girlfriend for many men back in the day. And now, well, I would describe her as an over Botox-ed alien … unfortunate but true. I swear, plastic surgery has ruined many a star from the 80’s … Jennifer Gray anyone? Who is she? Yea … you wouldn’t know because the Baby in the corner NOW doesn’t look like the Baby that was in the corner in Dirty Dancing … let me tell you.

But back to When Harry Met Sally, I couldn’t help but notice Meg Ryan’s hair style. The perm (I’m assuming it was a perm), the teased out perm, the bangs with the perm (I mean, what), the shortness of the perm, the HUGENESS of the perm, the amount of hair spray in the perm. Good lord, what a nightmare. I get it, it was the style back then, it was the 80’s, blah, blah, blah … but it made me think. In 20 years, will I look back at my high school graduation picture or even pictures of me right now as I type and say, “What in Gods great name was I thinking with that hair?!”

Because my hair is a hot curly mess and I’ve never been able to tolerate it, I’ve been straightening it for the past 12 years or so. So for the past 12 years, including my high school graduation picture, my hair has been numerous lengths, numerous colors, but layered and straight. Throughout it all though, I feel like consistently I’ve kept the same hair style.

If anything, the embarrassing thing so far has been the heinous hair colors I’ve gone through. I’ve literally been almost every color of brown, black and red. I had Debra Messing red hair my senior year of high school, jet black hair my freshman year of college and like a purple-ish red for my 21st birthday and everything in between since. I think hair color in the new millennium is the perm of the 80’s. I mean at least for me, that is how I express myself nowadays because toying with new hair styles is waaaay too much dedication. And then you have to figure out how to style it yourself, ick. Too much work.

My most embarrassing hair cut to date is living on a mug my parents made for my Nana when I was little as a gift (see picture above), which my brother unfortunately inherited and has recently put on Facebook (ass). When I was five, my sister decided it was a genius idea to cut my long curly locks to a ridiculously short bob. I think shortly after that she gave me bangs to match, but I’ve done my best to burn every picture that ever existed documenting this do. Everyone dies for this picture, but for me it has to be my most embarrassing hair cut … in a heartwarming “I was 5 years old” kind of way.

So my point is, when I’m 40, will I look back at this long, straight hair that I’ve been rocking and say to myself, “What the hell was I on?!” I’m thinking no right now, because it is a simple, classic look … but did Meg Ryan think this as she was rocking that outrageous perm? I guess we will never know.